


Toeing the Line

by stillmadaboutpetra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Building Relationship, Daddy Kink, Dating, Established Relationship, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Size Difference, Slice of Life, exploring kink, realistic relaysh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-02-25 12:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 72,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2622368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillmadaboutpetra/pseuds/stillmadaboutpetra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dating a fresh faced boy half your age is as confusing as it is wonderful.<br/> </p><p>  <i>Erwin smiled, a split-lipped wince. “I’m a scumbag.” </i></p><p>  <i>Mike made a face, grimaced, brought his glass to his lips. “Yeah, actually,” he laughed.</i><br/><i>Erwin sighed and sat back, wooden chair resilient against the strain of him and all his woes. “Probably,” he agreed. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Mike," Erwin asked finally after mulling the thought over for a few weeks, "how did you introduce kink into yours and Nana’s sex life?"

Erwin remembers hearing about it, one day. That ropes were lots of fun and that Mike was so amazed by his Nana. But Erwin hadn’t pressed for more because they were both his friends and coworkers and it just felt wrong. But now, he needs advice.

Mike for his part doesn’t respond much other than lifting his brows. He purses his lips and seems to think. “Hmm. We were in bed in the morning and Nana sat up and said I’d look really good tied up getting my dick sucked. And then we found some rope. They weren’t wrong.”

~~

Erwin’s been seeing Levi for about two months now. Forty seven days, to be exact, and to be fair they only saw each other three days of the week, on average. Erwin has been confused for forty six days.

Day number one had involved no more than two hours of flirting and drinking. The drive to Levi’s apartment about twenty two minutes. The pretense of kissing on the couch maybe five.

The sex maybe ten.

If you could have called it sex, still rather rooted in foreplay. Erwin had ejaculated prematurely; in the moment of stunned embarrassment, he’d been thankful at least for the condom Levi had wanted so that at the very least Erwin hadn’t come in Levi’s mouth with little to no warning.

Hence Erwin’s present and persisting confusion. Because after that disasterous initial sexual encounter, Levi had still told him to leave his number. And then Levi had asked him to brunch two days later.

And then Levi had kissed him and invited himself into Erwin’s apartment and lead Erwin into his own bedroom.

Very confusing.

But here again it is Monday morning and Levi is sitting across from him on the balcony, wearing nothing but one of Erwin’s t-shirts and a fresh pair of underwear, basking his bare legs in the late morning spring sun.

He reads the Times off his phone . He is twenty three to Erwin’s forty four. (“My lucky number. Your lucky day,” Levi had said.) He has a roommate. They do not spend much time at Levi’s .

Erwin finishes his coffee and sets the mug down. At the sound, Levi lifts his head to Erwin, lit in the blue-gold gem light of the morning. “Do you want another cup?” 

It throws Erwin into a fresh round of confusion, and God, if his share holders knew how cloudy his thoughts were these days because of this /boy./ Levi has no clue that Erwin’s lost in a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle over him.

"I would, thank you," he says because he knows that Levi is offering but not why. Levi takes Erwin mug inside, the glass door left open. Erwin watches him go to see how the red boxer briefs cling and crease at that juicy peach of an ass.

Erwin suffers brief sanity in Levi’s absense before chaos is restored because Levi returns with a steaming mug of coffee and a plate with the last chocolate croissant and a pile of late dark sweet cherries. Levi sets the mug down but not the plate and makes himself comfortable in Erwin’s lap, small body perched on Erwin’s thick thighs. Erwin cradles him instantly as if this normal. Anything strange is their normal.

"I should have made eggs while you were picking up the croissants. You don’t eat enough," Levi tsks. Erwin reaches around him to get his coffee even though it’s too hot.

"And you’re here to feed me?" He hides behind a sip.

"I’m here," he squirms just a little, "because you’ve been staring at me all morning." He eats one of the cherries. Erwin cannot say he’s been trying to figure Levi out because that will surely put Levi in some sort of complicated mood and he might turn romantic and chastise Erwin for ruining the mystery of "it all."

So instead Erwin tells an alternate truth. “I was admiring you.”

Levi hums, pleased. He holds his fingers to his mouth and ejects the cherry pit, wet with spit, bits of fruit-flesh clinging. It goes into the edge of Erwin’s plate. Erwin eats the croissant and watches Levi stain his lips a dark sweet red.

~~

There’s something about queers that lets them find each other even in the most crowded areas with little effort. And Hanji is by far the queerest human ever created. Matchbox’s confusing architecture always throws Erwin for a loop, but somehow he manages to find Hanji, Mike and Nanaba.

"Did you order yet?" He asks, kissing Nanaba’s cheek hello, squeezing Mike’s shoulder and taking the beer Hanji pushes his way. 

"We got two pizzas, yeah," Hanji confirms. A smile squeaks across their teeth. "Nothing spicy. don’t worry." Which is good because that was Erwin’s second question. He can’t afford it tonight. "I know you have your little twink coming over later. Like you need a firey butthole on top of your…expedient coupling."

Sharing details of his life with Hanji isn’t wise.

"I’ve decided the Twink is made up," Nanaba interjects, leaning forward,  a little accusatory. "Seeing is believing."

Erwin drinks his beer and shrugs. “You’ve caught me, I’ve made him up.”

"Damn," Mike says, "that’s sad. Well, cheers."

Introducing Levi would imply far too much and Erwin almost agrees with his friends that Levi isn’t real. But if he isn’t real, why did Erwin find specks of flakey croissant on his pants at work this morning.

"Can we talk about how the next work confernece is in Jamaica," Hanji says, "that’s the most offensive thing I’ve ever heard."

"How is it offensive?" Mike asks, getting them all in deep.

Hanji sucks in a breath, lungs whistling, before they begin. “It’s a vacation disguised as work and they’re practically forcing us to go take part in exploitive tourism. If they want us to get a tan and drink margaritas between powerpoint lectures, take us to the Keys at least—”

"—woah, no, fuck Florida," Nana complains, "and besides, we’re giving the resort business. It’s not like us not going there is any worse than going there because at least we bring business."

"But why is it always some place with swimming," Hanji groans. "I just want to wear my pantsuits, not get side-eyed."

"I’m excited," Mike says, looking at his beer, "I’ve never travelled abroad." Mike shrugs, a touch shy. Nanaba smiles ansofteneds and rubs his thigh beneath the table. 

Erwin remembers that he may bring a guest.

~~~

From Levi: Almost done. I’m swinging by Giant to get stuff for breakfast tomorrow. Still on?

To Levi: I’m picking up wine now. Do you like red?

From Levi: I like anything alcohol.

~~

Erwin lets Levi into his place a little after eleven. Levi’s still in his dress clothes from the charity event, an overstuffed messenger bag digging its strap into the shoulder of his blazer. “God,” Levi greets, standing up on tip toes for a kiss that lasts only a second, “I need a drink.”

For someone so small, he has a way of invading and dominating Erwin’s space. He slides off his loafers at the door, plastic grocery bags crinkling, a bottle of champagne clutched in on hand. The messenger bag slides down heavily.

"Do you need help?" Should he not have gotten wine?

"No, thank you. I’ll just need your kitchen for a little." Levi has a kitchenette barely worth thinking about, apparently. Something about Erwin’s spacious kitchen and expensive espresso maker makes Levi "want to get fucked over the counter."

Erwin has yet to decide if Levi meant it. 

"How did the charity go?" He follows, far more comfortable than Levi in loungewear, trying to decide if that’s Levi’s normal cologne of if it’s another man’s. 

Levi laughs bitterly. “Pixis is a lunatic. If he wants me to keep everything from crashing and burning, then I’m going to need a megaphone and one of his flasks. Personal assistant my ass, I’m everyone’s assistant. He’s whored me out to every entrepreneur in the city.”

Erwin isn’t sure how exactly Levi got a job as Dot Pixis’s personal assistant at age 23 with little to no networking. Levi swears it's that he beat Pixis in a game of chess randomly in the park one day and the man hired him on the spot. Dot Pixis is a new socialite who has his fingers in more pies than he has fingers.

"He must have a lot of confidence in you," Erwin says, placating Levi with a silver lining. Levi’s unpacking a loaf of thick cinnamon bread, a few other odds and ends. 

"More like I’m too anal to let myself fuck up." Levi shakes his head, his hair falling across his face, freed from the styling slick he’d used hours ago to coif it. 

Erwin glues himself to Levi’s back, grips his hips. “Speaking of anal,” he hums. Levi laughs and lets Erwin rub against him.

"What, have you been sitting here waiting for me, leaking in your sweatpants?" He doesn’t turn around or even look over his shoulder, just shuffles to get spices out of a drawer, a bowl from a cabinent. Erwin helps by not intervening. 

"No," Erwin smiles into Levi’s hair. levi elbows him away and gets eggs and milk and goes into a more concentrated effort of making overnight french toast. Erwin sees cream cheese and strawberries and his mouth waters for tomorrow morning. "Are we having champagne tonight or do you want me to open the wine?"

"Wine tonight, champagne in the morning." 

Erwin leaves Levi to finish in the kitchen, the sound of a whisk hitting the inside of a bowl filling the quiet of the apartment. He sets the mood: red wine, a few candles, Frank Sinatra.

Levi meets him on the couch, blazer hung over a chair by now, tie loosened. He looks like sin, a grace all his own, unconcious of it as he undoes the cuffs of his shirt and rolls the sleeves up. Erwin hands him a glass of wine and watches him take a long swallow, eyes closing. 

"Maybe you need water and not wine," he teases. Levi grunts and chases the red on his lips with his tongue before sinking down beside Erwin. 

"Nice ambiance," Levi sighs, scooting close so Erwin can wrap an arm around him. "Old man aesthetic."

"It’s romantic," Erwin defends, enjoying his company just as that. 

Levi finishes his first glass of wine well before Erwin has gotten to his and starts to gossip. Levi, especially after nights like this, turns chatty and churlish, sharp tongued and humorous. He would make an excellent player of drawingroom wit except he is exceedingly foul. Erwin’s friends would love him instantly. 

Levi finishes a second glass of wine and goes to pour himself a third when Erwin stops him. “If you keep this up, you’ll fall asleep on me.” The objection is there but hidden in something else.

Levi’s lips tense in offense, but then Levi remembers who Erwin is to him and doesn’t get mad, instead turning his clever digs to him. “You’d finish before my eyes would even close.”

It’s childish. Erwin guides Levi back against him and boldly runs a hand along the inside of Levi’s thighs. Levi closes his eyes immediately as Erwin knew he would. “Ah, there you go, and I’m not even hard,” Erwin whispers.

"Limp dick, sexy," Levi puffs with a laugh. Erwin undoes his dress shirt and slides it off of him and at a few tugs, Levi takes off his undershirt. "This isn’t romantic. You’re just stripping me now."

"I’m improving the view," Erwin says. He makes Levi sit up and remove his belt and pants and then sits Levi in a straddle across his lap. "There we go. I’m sure that’s more comfortable for you."

"Oh yes, you only have my comfort in mind," Levi says. He plays with Erwin’s clean hair and tickles his nails at the back of his skull. Erwin examines Levi’s narrow waist and tests how wide his grip around Levi is. 

"Always."

Levi cocks his head, looking at Erwin like he means to decode him, and seeing that makes Erwin laugh.

"What?" Levi pushes. Erwin shakes his head, smiling secretively. "What?" Levi whines. Erwin rubs the space between his shoulders and down to knead his fatty butt. "Erwin."

"Shh," Erwin laughs, dropping his head onto the back of the couch, "it’s nothing, Levi."

He gets a pout for the dismissal. “Fine.” And then Levi sits on him sulking and ignoring him until Erwin sighs and straights up to kiss him back into decency. 

"You’re cranky tonight," he confirms. Levi rolls his eyes and huffs and moves his face away from Erwin and his kisses. "Very bratty. Must be spoiled on crab cakes and mini artichoke quiches and what else was there - brown sugar glazed salmon?"

"God, shut up," Levi says, digging his nails into Erwin’s shoulders through his shirt. Erwin bares it and squeezes Levi’s bottom. 

"That is not the way to talk to me, boy," Erwin growls, sitting up straight, gripping the bones of Levi’s hips with control. The effect is instananeous. Levi’s eyes, once wine-lazy, open wide, alert. He colours, draws back, brows pulled together. 

Erwin’s heart beats crazily in his chest. He’s been suspicious of something in Levi, and its been tugging at him all this time. 

"Boy?" Levi ticks a cautious eyebrow.

Erwin rubs his thumbs in the divets on the inside of Levi’s hipbones, the skin smooth. “You heard me.” Erwin injects his voice with authority and the low rumble of seduction because he only wants to return the favor Levi does onto him.

"You’re behaving like a bratty little boy," he says slowly, taller than Levi even with him in his lap. He takes one hand from Levi’s hip to hold the back of his skull, tip his head back, neck curving. Levi allows it, too arrested by Erwin to do otherwise, breath freezing still in his chest. "And you know it."

They stare at each other, not saying anything. Erwin has thrown his hand out onto the table and has to wait for Levi to show his. If he’ll keep playing. If he’ll hold out and choke Erwin or fold and let himself be won. 

Levi’s darts his pink tongue out across his lip and swallows loudly, throat bobbing. “Yes,” he answers, still feeling out the word. 

"Yes what?" Erwin breathes. "What have you been?"

Levi blinks, dazed now, a flush chasing up his throat. “A brat…bratty boy.” Another loud swallow, eyes still glued to Erwin’s, widening now with an embarrassed fear. “Daddy.”

They both release loud breathes, aching in their groins. Erwin pets Levi’s hair, rubs the back of his neck. Levi’s breathing fast and shallow, grip on Erwin’s shoulder gone from nail-biting to palm-sweating. Erwin himself feels like the ground beneath him has gone because he is absolutely amazed by Levi and his response, his responsiveness. When Erwin runs his fingers down Levi’s spine lightly, Levi arches slowly, presenting his chest, spreading his thighs wider around Erwin’s hips. 

"Tell Daddy you’re sorry," Erwin finds himself whispering when his hand has reached Levi’s bottom again, fingers resting just under the elastic band of his underwear.

"I’m sorry for being a brat, Daddy," Levi says, and his eyes haven’t left Erwin once.

That’s all Erwin can take. He absolves Levi quickly with a, “It’s okay, you’ll be my good boy now,” and the last words are slurred as he meets Levi for a kiss that blazes. Levi moans as Erwin takes his mouth over for his own, and he lets his lips hang wet and open when Erwin kisses down his neck. Levi is beautifully sensitive across his body, and the corner of his jaw and his ears in particular destroy his inhibitions for silence.

Levi gasps as Erwin attacks those spots and rocks their bodies together. He holds onto Erwin, rubs his cock against his belly needily. “Erwin,” he gasps, like Erwin has amazed him more than anything else up to this point in life. His naked thighs sweat around Erwin. Erwin sticks his hands down the back of Levi’s underwear to pinch and roll his cheeks in hand, butter soft, sweet as cream. It’s a miracle they don’t melt into the couch together that night. 


	2. Chapter 2

Erwin woke up before Levi and laid in bed on his back, one of Levi’s arms slung across his waist. Erwin stared at his ceiling in wonder. Everything felt perfect. The bed was warm, the blankets letting in a cool counter flow of air. The morning shown beautifully. Last night had been perfect. Levi was always a wonder, but last night the boy, _his boy_ , had been an absolute slut for Erwin. Just the thought of how he’d met Erwin motion for motion, hungry for more, hungry down to the last drop that Erwin could give, made Erwin, or rather his cock, twitch with interest.

Erwin reached on his nightstand for his phone and sent a text off to Mike without context or clarification.

To Mike: He is perfect.

His movements stirred Levi who made a pitiful noise as he awoke. He yawned and smacked his lips and rolled over with a low grunt. The sound of his discomfort brought a prideful if cruel smirk to Erwin’s lips at the job he’d done on Levi’s ass. It was gone by the time Levi opened his eyes.

Erwin held his breath as he looked at Levi. There was a cloud of confusion over him yet, the recollection of last night slow. Then ah! the bloom of red across his face, the stiffness of realization.

Erwin smiled smugly. Levi narrowed his eyes and buried his face into the pillow. Another muffled grunt followed by Levi sitting up and covering his mouth as he yawned. “My mouth tastes like ass.”

"Now that I can’t explain," Erwin said easily. Levi glared petulantly at him and got out of bed slowly, stretching and yawning in full nude glory and wincing too. Erwin let him close himself in the bathroom to clean up while he himself basked in the success of it all.

His phone buzzed.

From Mike: Maybe you should introduce him. Just a thought.

Yes, maybe Erwin should.

The toilet flushed, the water ran. Levi came back to bed slightly less disgruntled looking. He crawled back to his spot and burrowed down into the sheets, into the crevice of space between Erwin’s arm and his body. 

"How do you feel?" Erwin asked now sincerely, rubbing his hand up the prickle of Levi’s undercut.

"Fucked."

Erwin chuckled. “You’re welcome.” Levi’s toes prodded at his legs before Levi wound their limbs together and insinuated himself like a barnacle.

He cleared his throat and touched Erwin’s happy trail affectionately, then lower to rest over Erwin’s not-quite-limp cock that was very happy to be paid attention to by Levi. “What got into you last night?” Levi asked, badly feigning disinterest. Topical.

As good as it’d been, Erwin had to tread carefully. “Did you like it?” he asked instead of answering. Liking it in the moment was different than liking it out of the heat. 

Levi rubbed his warm palm over Erwin’s shaft and pulled his cock up across his belly to rub his thumb under the glans of the head. Erwin blew out a breath as he started to harden. “Levi?”

Levi shifted a little closer and pushed up. He nosed at Erwin’s neck and kissed the hair on his chest and worked his way down. Erwin watched his descent over the bridge of his nose. His stomach flexed at the soft brush of Levi’s lips, the muscles jumped when Levi darted his tongue into his navel in passing. Erwin kicked the covers down lower on his legs so Levi wouldn’t be obscured because Levi made such a pretty sight when he used those pretty pink lips of his to kiss and mouth at Erwin’s cock, suck at his balls, lick the fluid from his slit. 

Erwin got his answer, he thought, when Levi took him into his mouth properly and sucked, getting Erwin wet so it was easy. His mouth was hot but the mint still on his tongue briefly ignited Erwin’s slit. Erwin groaned and fisted a hand in Levi’s hair. “Easy, ah, easy. There, yes, good boy,” he praised, sure he was dreaming. 

Unlike last night, there was no rush to this. Levi settled between his legs and took care of Erwin to his own contentment. Erwin piled up the pillows behind his back so he could watch Levi, as Levi seemed in want of eye contact. He didn’t rush Levi, just kept his fingers carding through his hair, scratching at his scalp.

It was lazy without being half-hearted. Levi rested his cheek on Erwin’s thigh at points, sucking and licking and humming when Erwin circled the ridge of his ear. “Aren’t you sweet this morning,” Erwin admired. Levi only gave him a coy look as he nosed at Erwin’s balls. Erwin must taste like last night’s sex. 

Levi’s hair felt like silk and fell between his fingers like water. The sight of Levi holding his cock and licking from bottom to top could never not be obscene, not when Levi’s fingers barely overlapped gripping him, when the length of him was longer than Levi’s face and all Erwin could think about was how good it’d feel if Levi tried to take his cock down his throat. 

Levi never gave up on a task either. If Erwin put him to it, Levi would master it. Erwin had learned this about Levi, that even when he was stressed, he still tried. And in this, he would work past choking and tears until he could deepthroat Erwin’s cock and take the breathless pressure as victory.

"God, Levi," Erwin sighed, wrapped up in his thought and marvelling at the things sure to come. Levi, tearless, unfrazzled, looked at him curiously before slipping his mouth off Erwin. 

"You close?" he asked, voice a little rough, dry sounding. Erwin nodded though he wasn’t too close. Levi sat up over him, taking Erwin in hand to finish, and Erwin dragged him in for a kiss that tasted like himself. "Do you want to finish?" Levi asked between a kiss, fist squeezing and stroking Erwin.

"Mmm, yeah. I won’t be able to enjoy breakfast pent up like this."

Levi kissed him. Between each was an order. “I’ll make sure you enjoy breakfast.” Erwin came with a moan of acquiencsence, Levi’s lips on his own. Levi’s touch drifted from his twitching cock to his balls to feel the release in pressure and rub out the heat. Then he tried to leave, just like that. 

Erwin caught his hand as he retreated, looked from Levi’s face to his half-hard pink cock. “Don’t clean up yet. Let me return the favor.”

Levi shrugged. “I’m hungry.”

Erwin pulled him into bed to feed him kisses. Levi’s lips were soft and swollen, salty. He tasted like a man instead of a boy and that was all Erwin’s fault. “C’mon,” he purred, finding himself thirsty for Levi in that way, “let Daddy take care of you.” 

Levi laughed into his mouth and pushed him away. “You’re a gross old man. Get up, I’m making breakfast.” Levi stole one of Erwin’s shirts as usual and walked out. 

Come dried on Erwin’s stomach. The denial pinched at him unpleasantly, in combat with the waves of pleasure still tingling in his body from his orgasm. But Levi’s spit dried on his cock as well, and eventually that itch drove him out of bed to the bathroom. 

In front of the mirror, Erwin inspected himself. His face was as strong as ever, glowing with a new look of youth Levi gifted him with this morning. He scratched at his chin and neck where morning stumble pricked. He wouldn’t shave until Monday morning, he decided. He washed up and brushed his teeth, surprising himself in his realization that Levi had kissed him — ahh, but his mouth had been spoiled with Erwin’s taste already, it hadn’t mattered. 

Erwin pinched his eyes shut and bent over the sink as the thought of washing Levi’s mouth out with his own seed in the morning rang through his head like a chorus of bells. He had yet to come in Levi, not in his mouth not in his ass either. They used condoms, and condoms were good. Erwin wasn’t…wasn’t even sure if Levi was seeing anyone else. He couldn’t imagine him having the time, but he didn’t know. 

Levi was just sliding a tray into the oven when Erwin came into the kitchen. He was there, bent over, shirt riding up to show the sweet dimples of his back, his pert ass greeting Erwin. Erwin could just see the shadow of his pink hole, turned out and rosier than normal from last night’s fucking. Erwin was dressed now in jeans and he wondered how it would feel for Levi if Erwin spread him wide and pulled him down onto his cock so that the zipper of Erwin’s jeans would dig and drag on that tender spoiled flesh. 

Erwin clapped a hand over his face in distress, groin tightening. 

"Can you open the chamagne," Levi asked, not turning around as he washed his hands. "And pour us glasses with orange juice?"

p"Would you put on pants?" Erwin asked hoarsly, still blinding himself with his palm. "I think I’m losing it."

That did make Levi turn around, worried if suspicious. “What are you doing?”

Erwin shook his head and laughed at himself, dropping his hand. His shirt covered Levi’s soft cock and left Erwin’s mind to mystery. “You’re too much for this gross old man.”

Levi wrinkled his nose. “Uhm. Okay, weirdo. I’m borrowing your clothes.” No time to run home before coming over last night. His walk had been reduced to small steps that didn’t stretch him anywhere overstrained from last night. 

The soaked slices of french toast baked in the oven, molten with egg and spices. Erwin set the table outside for brunch, made them drinks. Levi came back in too-big gym shorts and whipped cream cheese to a light softness. He had to wait until the bread had baked to his liking before he could spread them with cream and sliced strawberries and douce them with powdered sugar and syrup. 

"Do you cook for Pixis ever?" Erwin asked, watching him. Levi sipped his champagne while he looked at his instagram profile, planning to capture this morning's meal. 

"Hmm? Yeah, I have. When I helped him write invitations for the inner-city students artist ball, I was at his house. We had, uhm," Levi sifted through hs instagram photos. Ever the recorder. "This." He showed Erwin the photo. "Toasted baguette with pesto and soft boiled eggs and this amazing apple sage turkey sausage. with a blackberry compote. He’s not a bad cook himself, if he gets up and does it. The compote was his idea, i didn’t know if it’d work with the sausage but it did."

Erwin’s imaging it, the tarte sweetness of berries over the herby salt of meat. The freshness of pesto under the golden cream of the eggs. Levi’s sparkling delight at his first bite. Maybe fingers stained with berries, licked clean.

"I love when you cook for me," he said, touching Levi’s hip and kissing his cheek. Levi smelled like cinnamon - or maybe that was the kitchen air.

"Me too." Levi passed him a smile, fingered the shapely muscle of Erwin’s arm. He had the sharp look of a fox this morning. "I love feeding you." His voice sounded like something at play. 

Erwin wrapped his arms loosely around Levi’s waist. “You do? And why is that?”

"So I can make sure you stay big and strong." He rested his chin on Erwin’s chest and peered up at him. Erwin smiled down at him, charmed and delighted. "And you cannot say no to me like you do to yourself," Levi added.

There again, confusion. “What does that mean?”

Levi fell to teasing silence and reached around to grope Erwin’s butt. He poked his tongue into his cheek and stared at Erwin like he was supposed to get the joke.

"Are you calling me fat?" Erwin asked.

Levi let out a startled laugh and shook his head, releasing him and going to the oven. “No, I’m not. Nevermind, go sit, I’ll bring out the food.”

Erwin took their glasses outside and tried to figure out what Levi meant. A nervous blush warmed his face. He used his lunch hour at work to go to the company gymm and then just had a Super Smoothie each day, but that didn’t relieve him of a persistent pack of fat that thickened at his navel, the clear indication of going over the hill. When he was fifty, Levi would only be twenty nine. In his prime. The sudden disparity made Erwin groan. 

"What’s with that face?" Levi scolded as he served breakfast. "At least wait until you try it to insult me."

"I was just thinking about…work," Erwin lied. Levi took the empty tray inside before returning and taking his seat. The boy put his chin in hand, elbow on the table, and subjected Erwin to a long look that wracked his nerves. He was a mess today because of Levi. "What?"

"You’re giving yourself wrinkles frowning like that," Levi sighed. Erwin frowned harder. Levi got up and crossed to Erwin and shooed at his closed off posture until Erwin sat back and let Levi sit in his lap. This time Levi straddled him. The position reminded Erwin of last night, when he’d brought them both down to a low place of curling heat and taboo words. When Levi had bent to his will in such a way that Erwin had felt invincible.

Levi sat away so there was space for him to bring Erwin’s plate in between and rest it on their joined laps. He cut Erwin a corner, knife parting down between cream cheese and into crispy bread, the inside melted and butter rich. The bite held the red mound of a strawberry.

Erwin opened his mouth and let Levi feed him the bite. The strawberry bled vital sweetness, the cream cheese rich and creamy, flavored with vanilla. The bread crunched, the crust of it flaking and brown before the gooey insides dripped with flavor that made his mouth swim.

He swallowed and licked his lips. “It’s delicious.”

"You don’t look happy," Levi murmured, concerned.

"I’m sorry," Erwin sighed, lifting a hand to cup Levi’s cheek. Levi waited patiently, gray eyes searching him for an answer. "It really is delicious. I’m just distracted. I was really thinking about you." Erwin ran his thumb across Levi’s lips, finding them still altered by having a cock rub through them. "Is it only me, Levi?"

Levi’s brows knit together, gave him wrinkles of his own. “Only you what?”

Erwin tried to find what he wanted to ask. They had never talked about their relationship, they’d simply formed one, amorphic, natural and fluid to their positions. If he tried to frame it, Levi might slip away. He loved too many small things of beauty to want to be pinned down by Erwin. “That you feed like this.”

Levi paused, as if he knew what Erwin was truly asking, and as if he wasn’t sure he could answer. But then he nodded his head. “It’s only you I feed like this,” he promised, and that’s what Erwin would take and have for himself right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin's a loser

Hanji couldn’t let Jamaica go. They knocked once, came in before Erwin allowed it and flopped down in the seat across his desk. “Of all places though, really. I’m Indian, I don’t want to go back to the Caribbean, I just got done being there. I called my mom last night and you know what she told me? She told me to take cash to my somebody-cousin’s godson while I’m there.” This caused Hanji great irritation, evidently. “Like I’m going to leave the resort. No-sirrey-bob.”

Erwin slurped on his Power Smoothie and surreptitiously pinched at his belly beneath his desk. “Do you think we should leave the resort? It might be beneficial to our work to actually see the country.”

Hanji snorted, dropping their elbow onto the desk and hunching over, chin in hand. “Ah, sure, it would definitely. If GGT wants to have any integrity in their work, they’d be more mindful. But instead we’ll be sucking up bottled Fiji water imports while we look at PowerPoints on implementing water purification systems.”

Erwin’s anxiety traveled upward into his temples to throb. “You’re absolutely right. But at the very least, we do have people, Jamaican citizens, on the ground there working with us.”

“Us and them,” Hanji mumbled.

“We’ll make the best of it. Hanji –-Hanji, you’ll make the best of it. Your new model should be implemented and complete in the next five years. And it’ll open up jobs of all levels.”

If Green Giant Technology wanted to truly improve the world, it needed to do more than provide new technology for water sanitation. A water treatment plant with an industry surrounding it would create jobs from machine operators to city planners to managers and scientists. 

“If TSA doesn’t let me bring a coconut back, I’m rioting,” they promised.  
~~

There was something fundamentally wrong about Erwin being forty-four years old dealing with a lover’s roommate possibly walking in on an intimate moment that he refused to tolerate. As such, they didn't spend much time at Levi's apartment. The one exception to this was when Levi invited him over on Tuesdays to watch the recorded episode of WWE RAW with him and his roommate Petra. This became a ritual after a date that Erwin strongly suspected was meant to test him on some bizarre level of tolerance when he’d been taken to a weirdly patriotic vaguely racist masked wrestling match.

Erwin brought a six pack of beer; Petra and Levi fed him all the Thai food he wanted. The restaurant next to their apartment made a divine Thai tea; he also strongly suspected he would no longer be able to go more than a week without curry of some sort at this point.

But the end of August waited around the weekend corner, and Petra saw it like the coming doom. School would start any day now and she'd be locked up in a prison of high schoolers. 

Levi opened the door to his cramped two bedroom apartment. They’d barely spoken since Sunday’s brunch, the aftermath of their taboo play and Erwin’s growing and probably ill-advised love for Levi. 

"She’s playing Kid Cudi," he whispered conspiratorially, looking over his shoulder with a burgeoning smile before leaning back up to Erwin seeking a kiss. They did not kiss within Petra’s sight, so the narrow inlet of the door was their garden wall.

Erwin met him for it automatically, distracted by what exactly listening to Kid Cudi meant for Petra emotionally. He broke the kiss too soon, apparently, because Levi stared up at him with round-moon eyes. Erwin had only to look at Levi and see him, this, to bend again and kiss him better, to cup his cheek with his free hand and angle his jaw so he could slide the wet seam of their lips together. Whatever two days of near radiosilence had done, it made Levi clutch at Erwin’s shirt to feel his body beneath.

He had Levi backed against the wall a moment later, case of beer set on the ground. Erwin had to stoop low over him to kiss Levi, but it was worth it. They were stealing kisses now, likely to be spotted. Petra would grow impatient. That just made Levi taste sweeter. Erwin followed the taste of sugar to Levi’s neck and bit into a tender spot, too hot; Levi threw his head back and thunked it hard against the wall.

"Ow," he hissed and Erwin pulled away chuckling, embarrassed but delighted all the same. Levi rubbed the back of his head and glared at Erwin like it was all his fault.

"I take it you missed me," he teased, thumbing spit from Levi’s now red lips. Levi hummed and walked away, Erwin to follow. Erwin bubbled over in a good mood.

Erwin walked into the kitchen at the exact same time that Petra thumped a gallon of Ice Bucket margarita mix onto the skinny kitchen counter that jutted out from the wall like a dilapidated bar. Levi whistled and sent Erwin a furtive glance.

"Hi, Erwin," Petra greeted, vibrating. "I hope you don’t mind, but tonight’s a night for tequila."

"Uhm," he started to say, visions of horror dancing in his dead. It was Tuesday.

"What do you mean ‘tonight?’ Do we need excuses for Tequila in this house?" Levi clipped. He inspected the directions on the mostly thawed ice bucket. "I think you fucked it up already, Pet."

The house smelled like Thai food. Erwin put the beer in the fridge next to a block of cheese and some celery. “I think between the three of us, we can manage slush bucket margaritas,” he said, coming around to push the little ones away and take over as the much more experienced real adult. 

Levi lounged against the counter and poked his arm. “Pixis doesn’t need me much till tomorrow afternoon. Play hooky tomorrow.”

Erwin smiled slightly as he took the spoon Petra handed him and jabbed at the half-frozen neon pink mix. “You think I can just skip work?”

"It won’t be skipping,” Petra insisted. “You’ll be sick. Terribly sick.”

"Sick as a dog," Levi added. "C’mon, it’s Tuesday. That’s practically Saturday."

Erwin laughed and spooned the heavily tequila scented slush into three mason jar glasses. Twenty year olds were a wonder.

Petra taste tested hers, decided that yes, this was the most wonderful idea ever, and began to dump out the Thai food onto plates and into bowls. Erwin stole a spring role from her in passing, smiling and hoping he forever remained in her good graces. Petra just had one of those smiles. Levi touched his hand that rested on the counter and looked up at him.

"How bout it, old man, kick back with me tonight."

Erwin sighed. Tempting. “I can’t afford to miss any work right now, Levi. We have a conference coming up.” One he planned to invite Levi on and still couldn’t figure out how to mention it. If it would imply too much. Levi probably wouldn’t be able to go anyway. God. No wonder he wasn’t married. First he spent too much time at work, and now even at his — his lover’s house, he still focused on work. And now he was thinking about taking Levi to a work conference as an all expense paid vacation. Good grief. Levi had yet to meet his friends.

"Earth to Erwin," Levi snapped his fingers, looking up at him worriedly. "You okay? I said it was fine. You clenching in a fart, old man?"

Erwin blinked back to reality, to this demanding creature. “No.”

At Levi’s unbelieving and accusatory eyebrow raise, Erwin tapped him on the nose. “Don’t be foul, little boy,” he chided. He meant only to tease and chastise.

Levi’s mouth fell open and a blush chased across his cheeks. “H-hey, what the fuck,” he protested. “You can’t just do that.”

Erwin really meant nothing by it, had no intentions of playing here, playing with that, with Petra so nearby and so many questions unanswered. But the look of Levi pulled him in. It was Erwin’s turn to lift his brows and grin. Petra was across the other room, there was music and the TV going. She’d see the flirting, but not hear a thing. 

Erwin bent down, predatory, feeling for once like the cat rather than the mouse. “Do what, Levi?” he breathed, crowding Levi against the counter. “What can’t I do?”

His closeness forced Levi to lean away and look up, head back and neck a long line. His adams apple bobbed, a luxurious up-and-down roll of motion. Erwin was again reminded of Levi’s quick mouth put to nastier uses than his sense of humor. He’d make the snuggest fit for his cock.

"Shit, Erwin," Levi hissed, arching, nipples pebbled against the thin fabric of his tshirt. "Petra’s right there." 

Erwin lifted his eyes from Levi slowly, looked at Petra who was fussing with the TV to find the recording. “She is, isn’t she? Maybe you should behave better.” He cocked his head, “Do you think you can do that?”

Levi narrowed his eyes, a stubborn set to his mouth. Such a brat. Erwin dropped a hand to Levi’s waist, sliding beneath his shirt to rub the tender small of his back. After a moment, Levi relaxed, ducking his head. “Yeah, maybe.” The dark fan of his lashes fluttered. “What do you have in mind, Daddy?” he taunted, the word a gut-punch. 

Erwin’s lips parted on a breath. He tracked his gaze down Levi’s tart, demanding expression that begged to be broken, his bite-worthy neck, the sheer smallness of him. How he’d let Erwin throw him around Saturday night and spread him wide and now Levi wanted to play that dangerous game all over again.

"A game, my boy," Erwin decided, gripping Levi’s hip firmly.

The blush had never left Levi, but now excitement lit him up. “A game?”

"Mhm," Erwin nodded, touching Levi’s hip behind the counter. Levi shivered, and Erwin felt invincible. "No poop jokes," he ordered solemnly.

Levi’s expression pinched before he smiled crookedly.“What? Are you serious?”

Erwin nodded, feeling the valley of Levi’s spine. “Yes. For tonight. No jokes about bodily functions. Nothing foul. Not a bad word.”

"Just tonight? What do I get if I win?"

"An all expense paid trip to Jamaica," Erwin deadpanned, ears hot.

Levi rolled his eyes and shoved at Erwin gently. “God, you’re full of it.” Erwin caught his hand and tangled their fingers together. 

"Be a good boy and I’ll make you feel very special Saturday night.”

Levi paused and cocked his head. “And if I’m not a good boy?” he asked with absolute interest.

"Then Daddy will have to punish you," Erwin threatened like a confession of love. He watched Levi lick his lips, his eyes darken. "And I would hate to do that to my favorite little boy," he added, just to watch Levi inhale through his parted lips and taste the promise.

Levi considered: “If I’m you’re favorite—”

Petra interrupted. “Are you guys going to fuck on the counter because I want to at least get another plate of food before you come on everything,” she said, standing on the other side of the counter. Erwin and Levi stumbled into each other cartoonishly in an effort to detach, both of them coughing and grunting and trying to pretend they were debating duck sauce or brown sauce.

"Yeah, subtle," Petra rolled her eyes. 

Levi sat beside Erwin as he always did, between him and Petra. He never cuddled or showed any overt physical attention, and that was fine, tonight wasn’t an exception to that. However, Erwin spied on Levi from the corner of his eye and watched him spoon margarita into his mouth and drag his tongue along the curve back of the spoon one too many times.

Erwin touched his wrist. “I think you’ve had enough,” he whispered, slowly taking the spoon away from Levi and giving him a look. Levi wore a shit-eating grin. Someone got hit in the head with a folding chair on the TV.

"That’s for PepPep!" Petra shouted.

Despite drinking enough to get him tipsy, Levi maintained a level of dignity in his speech that pleased Erwin as much as it surprised him. 

Levi licked margarita stickiness and curry heat off his fingers one by one, digits disappearing down to the base knuckle. Erwin had made a huge mistake. He’d put a nail on Levi’s crass language, but all that had done was made him more wicked. His mouth would drive Erwin to ruin all the same.

The meaty men on screen dramatically bodyslamming each other lost Erwin’s interest in light of the show Levi taunted him with. It was base, it was simple. All Erwin could think about was how those slim fingers disappeared between Levi’s lips and how different that was from fingering his asshole. Levi could take one finger nicely, sucked Erwin in every time. But after that, he was a puzzle to open. 

Levi looked sideways and met Erwin’s eyes, his own gleaming and victorious.

No. Absolutely not. Erwin wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction.

He picked up his empty beer from the floor and kissed Levi’s temple quickly before standing. Levi’s sticky finger popped from his mouth.

"Where you goin’?"

"I remembered I have to send in approvals before midnight," he lied.

Petra groaned in sympathy. “Gross, gross. Take some leftovers with you if you want. Or the rest of your beers.”

Erwin smiled at her genuinely. “No, that’s alright, you enjoy them. Don’t get too drunk, it is only Tuesday.”

Levi watched him for a minute while Erwin slid his shoes back on before chasing him to the door, as Erwin expected he would. Erwin turned at the last minute, Levi’s footsteps grown close. He cut Levi off, whatever he wanted to say or do, and swept him up instead into his arms.

Levi squawked or meant to, but Erwin cut that short too when he pressed Levi against the wall and kissed him fiercely. Levi’s gasp gave Erwin the access he craved to kiss out his mouth and lick up the fruit and tang of tonight’s dinner. Levi moaned, acquiescing, and wrapped his legs around Erwin’s waist and locked his ankles behind his back. At a sharp punishing bite to Levi’s lip, one that made him choke and arch into Erwin, Levi dove those sticky fingers into Erwin’s hair and pulled. Erwin poured tonight’s frustrations into Levi until Levi was drowned on it and rubbing against Erwin. 

Finally, then, Erwin drew back to watch Levi pant and stare at him in a daze. Erwin didn’t move far, returning to kiss around Levi’s hot lips, holding him tight between his body and the wall, every inch close he pressed straining Levi’s legs around him.

"If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think you were being cruel on purpose," Erwin said in a low smokey voice, trailing his lips up Levi’s neck.

Levi whined, scratching at Erwin’s scalp. “No…idea what you’re talking about.”

"No?" Erwin moved to kiss Levi’s mouth gently. He spoke against his lips. "You weren’t trying to show Daddy how much you need something in your mouth?"

Levi exhaled loudly and shook his head, their noses bumping together. “No,” he denied softly.

Erwin hummed thoughtfully and moved away from the wall, setting Levi down on the ground safely. “In that case,” he said in a bright false voice, “your dirty little mouth won’t get anything.” He bopped Levi’s nose again just to watch his eyes cross and outraged disbelief come over his face. “Goodnight, Levi.”

Erwin left the apartment quickly and all but ran to the stairwell to get downstairs before he broke into a sort of delirious high laughter. The summer city air greeted him outside of the apartments. Erwin laughed into it, ran a hand through his hair to push it back into some order where Levi’s fingers had torn through it. The moment left him high, buzzing. Levi. Levi, just his mere existence, seemed to lift every ache from Erwin. 

His phone buzzed against his thigh.

From Levi: r u kidding me

To Levi: ;)

From Levi: smdh

To Levi: Wait what does that mean?

To Levi: Levi.

From Levi: look up idiot

Erwin looked up to Levi’s complex and saw Levi leaning out of his window from the third floor. Erwin’s heart briefly rocketted in his chest in concern, but it was short lived.

"Go home you giant cocktease!" Levi shouted down at him. Erwin looked around him rapidly for witnesses and hurried into his car.

To Levi: Foul language. You’re in for it this weekend, boy.

From Levi: Bite me.

Oh, Erwin had plans for him.


	4. Chapter 4

During meetings, Erwin silenced his phone, of course he did. But he also enabled text messages to filter into his email inbox. The board of trustees was farting along with the quarterly budget review when Levi graced him with his attention.

Erwin opened the email.

'were u being srs?'

Erwin had a clue what he meant but better be safe than sorry. ‘with what my darling boy?’ 

'that'

’?’ Erwin tried not to smile because Erwin did not smile during meetings. He took dutiful notes. 

'goddamnit erwin. the daddy stuff. the punishing stuff. were u being srs?'

'Oh, that. Yes.' 

Mike glanced at him. 

It took Levi a few minutes to reply. It almost made Erwin anxious, but he forced the feeling away as best he could. Levi was at work after all, as was he. 

'So what are you going to do to me, Daddy?' Levi finally responded. The words sent a nasty swirl of pleasure through Erwin. He shifted in his seat and inched his laptop closer, crowding over it. 

Erwin thought hard about it, the ‘daddy stuff.’ He knew of it through his explorations and indulgences with gay porn. How many shapes and sizes of men he saw using the words, daddy and boy. He knew there was more to it than what he’d been exposed to, more to it than he and Levi were likely to ever explore between each other. But something about Levi stirred a reaction in Erwin the likes of which he couldn’t recall finding in anyone else. He wondered if it was Levi’s size and look, if it was his behavior. It worried and excited Erwin in turn. He wanted to treasure and spoil Levi, he wanted to get everything he could from the boy. He wanted to dig his fingers into him and make him his own. 

Now he knew exactly what he wanted to do with Levi this weekend. What form of punishment he would enact that in some ways was hardly a punishment of all. But his fingers froze, cramped over his keyboard because the words sounded so dangerous in his head and he’d be sending them to Levi and not even get to see his face. 

Mike sniffed the air around Erwin and shot him a puzzled look. Erwin plucked at his shirt to get air on his chest and smiled reassuringly, feigning too-hot. He was too-hot though, he was breaking out in a sweat. 

'It's a surprise. Come over Friday night when you're done with work. Plan to stay the night.'

~~~

Levi found Petra asleep on the couch again, laptop charger playing heating pad on her uterus. He stumbled past her in his underwear to make coffee in their shitty coffee machine. He wished, absently, that he was at Erwin’s apartment. Not just for the high end espresso either. Possibly for the giant hunk of man flesh that was Erwin Smith in all his blonde buttcheek haired glory. Love that buttcheek hair.

Levi made a mental note to touch it a lot this weekend.

He got the machine going, found some Yoplait in the fridge and, after a moment of forgetfulness, got Petra  a glass of water to take with her Motrin.

“Okay, Pet,” Levi said, prodding her awake. He took the charger off of her, grimaced over how hot it was and that probably wasn’t safe and could she cook her eggs? Why had middle school sex-ed taught him nothing? His roommate could be cooking her eggs over here, and she needed them to sell on the black market, goddamnit.

“Kill me,” Petra whispered, rolling over and burying her face into the couch pillow.

“I’ll only kill you if you bleed on everything. Like you did yesterday.” He smacked her butt and dodged a wild kick.

“It was only the toilet seat.” Petra sat up and forgave Levi all his male privilege because on the coffee table was Motrin and water.

“I am traumatized,” Levi insisted, waving a mug at her. Petra inconspicuously checked her crotch for any bleed-through and went to the bathroom. The coffee machine steamed and gurgled, perpetually on its last leg, and pissed out a thin brown stream of coffee into the pot. Levi layered passion fruit yogurt with homemade almond granola into a bowl. He poured himself a mug of coffee and stuck it in the fridge and placed the second mug next to the parfait for Petra.

“Have a good run,” she said as Levi left the apartment a minute later in workout clothes. Levi waved and disappeared, taking the stairs two at a time so he felt that unbalanced rush of gravity pull him down faster and faster.

He pushed out the heavy ground floor door and hit the pavement, taking off without missing a beat. Except for the mornings he spent as Erwin’s which were sheer indulgence, Levi’s morning fit a rigorous schedule of discipline that kept him grounded. He woke up, he ran, and nothing could touch him. He ran without music, and he kept a pace that made the wind whistle against his ears, that made people obstacles to dodge and crosswalks burning bridges to cross. He ran away from his apartment, the center of the city, the community college that spat him out a paper degree he didn’t even need. Not with Pixis pushing him through the ropes like this, pointing here or there with a jaundiced finger and a smeared story at every socialite and cosmopolitan and plummy sounding turd with thick pockets and skeletons of debt and bribes.

Levi’s run took him past Erwin’s street, a thirty minute distance at this pace, an hour at a walk. Erwin’s Ford Focus was probably somewhere inside the building’s garage, and Erwin either rising or asleep, either stretching out his thickly muscled body or under the power of sleep.

Levi’s chest burned along the sides. He breathed deeper, feeling his arms and legs swing out in opposite perfect rhythm.

Erwin. Levi blew out a breath on his right and in on his left.  Daddy.

He blinked against the dryness of his self-made wind and coughed in his throat, breathing faltering. No, he wouldn’t let that intrude on this space, his only private space. He wanted a runner’s high unimpeded by anything. He wanted to burn all day.

Levi lapped around, another few miles back home. He took the steps two at a time, toes launching him up. The door was yet unlocked, and he burst inside, the door banging into the rubber wall protector.

“Woah,” Petra startled, shifting papers into her briefcase. “You okay?”

Levi panted, sweat-soaked and nodded, throat too dry to speak. He lifted his arms over his head and stretched out. “Fuck,” he gasped. Turned and left again to jog much more slowly up and down the stairs. His body seemed to bounce within itself. He cooled off, thighs protesting, and returned to his apartment.

“Bad run?” Petra asked. She handed him a cup of water which Levi made himself drink slowly.

“No,” he finally managed. “Good. Maybe. Went farther than I meant to by accident.” It was good to push himself. He closed his eyes and wiped his wrist across his brow, grimacing at the sweat. “I should be running more; I’ve been eating more than normal.”

Petra sniffed and shook her head. “You need to eat more, not run more.” She reached out and wrapped her whole hand around his wrist. Levi didn’t see how she could stand the touch of him as he was. “Unless you’re trying to stay teeny-tiny for your big Daddy.”

Levi coughed on his water and jerk out of her touch. At least his face was already red. “You did not just say that.”

Petra laughed at him. “You’re the one getting body-slammed into walls. Does Erwin have a lift capacity? No more than a hundred and forty pounds before he throws out his back?”

Levi stuck his nose in the air. “First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you again.”

Petra waved him away. “Just eat something. You can only survive on coffee for so long.”

“Whatever, Mommy.”

Petra gagged. “Please, don’t. I had one of my kids call me mom last year.”

“Well you call them your kids, so…”

Petra pursed her lips. “True. Oh! Speaking of, guess what!”

Levi stared. “What.”

“A bunch of kids from last year’s class are taking my chemistry class. They’re voluntarily taking _my chemistry class_.”

Levi smiled at her, plucking at his shirt to get some air on his chest. “Yeah? Which ones? Is the kid who eats pizza taking it?”

“Eh? Sasha? Yeah, she is. And it’s not her fault, she has diabetes.”

“I love Pizza-Kid,” Levi said. “Hey, tell me more after work, okay? I gotta shower and you’re gonna be late.”

Petra glanced at the clock and groaned. “I hate conferences.” She pulled together her work stuff and slipped on a thin linen blazer over her boring-ass teacher dress. Someone with legs like Petra deserved better than boring-ass teacher dresses. Crying shame.

Levi stripped off his shirt, breathable fabric clinging against his arms. He chucked it into his laundry basket and stepped out of the rest of his clothes. He room bordered on closet side, but he didn’t need much, never had. He wouldn’t know what to do with _much_ if he had it anyway. His single bed worked just fine for him. He didn’t need much space, never had.

Levi snorted and shook his head, standing there ass naked in front of his bed, the only redeemable quality of his smallroom,the giant rond window, probably giving the old grandma making meatloaf across the street a sore sight. His bed was up on risers and even drunk he remembered pushing Erwin, then a near stranger, onto it and having the old man nearly fall and hit his ass. That night still made Levi laugh. Erwin popping like a shook up soda before Levi even had his pants off should have been quits, but damn if Erwin didn’t know how to give like he got.

What had he said? Beet-red and horrified by his own body, Erwin had met Levi’s eyes and in a panic whispered: “I am slain,” and probably secretly went into a midlife crisis. But Erwin hadn’t wallowed in it; he’d gotten Levi’s clothes off and made him feel _good_. He knew his stuff. And that was after he covered Levi’s tab.

He grabbed his towel off the door hook and went into the shared bathroom.

Erwin wasn’t the first man to call Levi ‘boy’ with a curl to his mouth and a sharp twinkle in his eye. No, he definitely wasn’t. But he was the first man Levi had played along with and called Daddy just so he could kiss his warm face when he blushed about it.

The hot spray matted Levi’s hair down, pasted it over his brows so the ends pricked into his eyes. He pushed it back and leaned his face into the water. He opened his mouth and let it rain till it spilled out over his teeth and he spat it all out down to his toes. He curled them, rolled his ankles, and got to washing.

God, Erwin’s face when Levi called him Daddy. The way he reacted, it wasn’t with surprise. It was with satisfaction. It was like Erwin knew Levi had the word ready on his tongue and he just waited to get it from Levi’s lips. He looked at Levi like he’d done good – “good boy,” Erwin would say, “good boy,” and he’d handle Levi like Levi and his body belonged in his hands. Erwin used his size on Levi: he used the wide span of his hands to move him, to hold him; he let his big heavy body hit Levi when they fucked. God, Erwin’s body. Levi loved it, so thick, so much bigger than his own. That little butter-pat of fat that sat right below his navel that was softened by thick blonde hairs that curled and tumbled to fur between Erwin’s legs and cover his balls that tickled Levi’s lips and tongue when he sucked and licked Erwin all over to make him twitch and sigh and come.

Levi ran a soaped hand up the underside of his rising cock and hissed. That filthy bastard, perverting Levi’s precious shower time. Levi braced a hand against the shower wall and fisted himself, squeezing tightly and moving slowly. How, Levi wanted to know, would Erwin punish him. The thought alone, all the endless possibilities, made his gut tighten.

~~

The bus rocked Levi side to side. He held his messenger bag in is lap and texted behind it.

Erwin would be at work by now, over achieving. Making important phone calls, talking to important people.

Levi talked to important people too. ‘I thought about u in the shower this morning’

The response took awhile. All those important people keeping Erwin so busy. ‘Good thoughts I hope.’

‘I came all over my hand’

The response came faster. ‘I’m surprised. I know how you hate to get dirty.’

Levi rolled his eyes, smiling over his phone. ‘good thing I was in the shower’

‘Next time, why don’t you lick your fingers clean. It would give your dirty mouth something to do.’

Levi inhaled, face going hot. He tucked himself smaller in the bus seat and blew out a loud breath. ‘that’s not what my mouth wants’

‘No? It’s more than it deserves. A filthy boy should have his mouth soaped out.’

‘Daddy no’  Levi responded faster than he really processed the threat. His blood beat down in his thighs and Levi crossed his legs tightly in self-flagellation. If he got hard on the city bus, he might as well give up for the day.

‘You’re asking for it this weekend, boy.’

Levi rocked in his seat and put his phone to dark, head shooting up. The woman across from his with a baby in her arms looked him over like she knew what he’d been doing. Levi averted his gaze out the window. The week would pass in a blur like the bodies blending colours on the sidewalk.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope the holiday season is treating you well, and that in this time of chaos, that you are safe. 
> 
> I wrote this very early in the morning on my phone on a snowy car ride (obvi wasn't driving) so I hope it makes sense. I wanted to try from Levi's POV but I'll probs switch back to Erwin.
> 
> Your comments and kudos motivate me so much. Thank you for the support.
> 
> Sub/Dom dynamics, oral sex, crying, aftercare

Levi thought he’d never get out of Pixis’s place Friday night. He had to wait a whole hour for the caterer to call him back about adjusting the number of plates and ordering new dishes from a party palace so Levi could print the delivery sign-off and get one of the program employees from the urban education fundraiser to show up to the site. And this was all after Levi had gotten a text from Erwin that had said: ‘Don’t bother with underwear, you won’t be dressed for very long. I look forward to seeing you.’  So that was one long fucking hour in which Levi had reorganized his desk and deleted emails. Thank god Pixis told him to make a new email account for his personal assistant position; he got about a hundred a day.

By the time Levi got home, his mind had run away from him and left his flustered and anxious for tonight. No underwear. It wasn’t as if Levi had illusions about tonight. He knew they’d be fucking wildly. Would Erwin take him right away? Against the door or the wall maybe? Should Levi prep?

‘showering. Be over after that’ he texted back, having never responded to the first message Erwin had sent. He chucked his phone onto his bed and pulled at his hair before stripping and popping into the shower for a quick wash up. Clean. He’d be clean and fresh. Scratching at his scalp prompted him to trim his nails after, paranoid, and clean out his ears and brush his teeth again. Cologne? No. Body oil. Red currant, something fruity without being sweet.

Erwin opened the door to him dressed casually, unpresuming in jeans and a tshirt, feet bare. Levi swallowed, darted his eyes to Erwin’s crotch, looked up and smiled. Was he wearing underwear?

Erwin seemed to know exactly what thought ran through Levi’s mind because humor danced in his eyes, though he mentioned none of it. “Thank you for coming over tonight,” Erwin said, bowing gracefully so he could kiss Levi on the mouth in greeting.

Levi hummed and huffed, rolling his eyes. “My pleasure.”

Erwin looked at him hungrily. Levi swallowed again as Erwin brought his hand to cup he back of his neck, each finger laying down and curling around his throat as if measuring Levi against the grip of his hand.

"My pleasure," Erwin murmured, rubbing his thumb up the ridges of Levi’s esophagus and contemplating something darkly deep in Levi’s widening eyes. 

There was a slight pressure to the back of Levi’s throat to usher him inside, a hot palm against his cheek. “A drink now, dinner…after?” Erwin proposed, glancing over his shoulder at Levi. 

“Yeah—yes. Yeah, whatever you want,” Levi fumbled, slipping off his shoes, heart pounding. The veins along his arms and hands were visible, inflated. He pressed his thumb down against one. 

Levi didn’t see Erwin pour their glasses, still dawdling inside the doorway, tracing his own veins. But Erwin returned to him, expression puzzled. “Levi?” 

He held out a glass of something dark. Levi took it with a self conscious shake of his head. 

“Hey, sorry. Long day.” He looked up at Erwin for reassurance, surprised at his own need. Kindly, Erwin lead him to the couch inside the apartment. 

“Sit with me,” he asked, pulling Levi in close and slow. Levi brought his glass to his lips to sip and sooth his anxiousness. 

“What — is this sparkling grape juice?” He gasped, surprised. Erwin laughed into his hair. 

“Yes.” He kissed Levi's temple and stroked the delicate skin of his throat. “I want you clear headed tonight,” he admitted, voice low. 

“Jesus, should have gotten me a Capri-Sun and called it quits,” Levi grumbled, flicking his eyes to Erwin’s. His breath caught, that wild blue so close to his own. He thought of mountainous dangerous and monsters, Mont Blanc ravaging the skyline. 

Erwin stared at him a moment, gaze crawling over Levi before he leaned forward to set his glass down. after a second, Levi did the same. 

Erwin operated a little stiffly, his hands just a little clumsy and heavy when they touched Levi. His hair looked damp yet. Levi leaned into his touches encouragingly, butterflies fluttering menacingly in his gut, trying to wing their way up his chest and throat. 

Erwin kissed his face, his mouth, sighed against Levi. Levi blinked through it all, responding distractedly. He pushed Erwin into the couch. 

Erwin let out a breath, watching him as Levi crawled into his lap, wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck and nosed at his jaw. “You just shaved,” Levi murmured, smelling aftershave on the smooth skin across Erwin’s cheek. “And showered.” 

Erwin rubbed his back. “I didn’t want you to have anything to complain about,” he admitted, sounding a little fond. 

“Like your dumb scratchy face?” Levi nipped Erwin’s jaw and buried his face quickly into the crook of his neck and shoulder to avoid the narrowed expression such a move earned him. 

“Little boy,” Erwin mused slowly, petting Levi’s hair. Levi held his breath, hair on the back of his neck sticking up in nervous wait. “Your mouth gets you in trouble.” 

Levi popped his head up, blushing and pouting, something stirring inside him. The tone of Erwin's voice made him want to fight just to get told no. “You love my mouth,” he insisted boldly. 

Erwin’s eyes darkened. He looked from Levi’s bright eyes down to his cherry tart lips. “I do. Oh, I do, my boy.” 

Levi breathed hard out of his nose, pushing his body against Erwin’s. 

“You have the prettiest mouth, Levi,” Erwin went on, expression transifxed, the muscle of his jaw bulging when he clamped his teeth together between one statement and the next. Levi licked his lips, mouth dry. “Have I told you how good you look sucking my cock?” 

The words seemed to explode against Levi’s ears. They made him throb between his legs, boil against the touch of Erwin. His breath ran short, made him dizzy, made his chest hot. 

Erwin stared at him, intense, a good colour rising in his face. 

Levi shook his head slowly, pawing at Erwin’s shoulders. “No, Daddy,” he whispered. A vicious glee rode wild through him at the breathy groan that slipped through Erwin’s sculpted lips. 

Erwin took hold of his jaw, meeting Levi’s eyes for some resistance, but Levi relaxed into his grip, waiting. Erwin took the permission to rub his thumb over Levi’s lips, roughen them a darker colour. “You look so obscene when you try to put my cock in your little mouth,” Erwin rumbled, the deep decibels of his voice melting Levi slowly. “I’m too big for you, aren’t I, boy?” 

It wasn’t like Erwin to talk himself up like that, but it was true. Levi nodded, letting his lips hang lax so Erwin could touch the wet inside of his mouth, the grooves on his thumb running over the slick inside of Levi’s bottom lip. 

“But not tonight. Tonight you’re going to put that wicked mouth to real use and suck all of me.” 

Levi panted around Erwin’s thumb, face hot, body hotter. 

“That’s your punishment for being such a bratty tease this week. You’re going to learn to suck me properly, and you’re going to swallow what I give you.” 

Erwin was just as scarlet as Levi by this point, almost mirroring his surprised expression before Erwin schooled his face into something harder while Levi was still gawking. Erwin’s erection dug into Levi’s ass, persistent and ominous. 

“Fuck,” Levi gasped. Erwin swallowed loudly, rubbing Levi’s thighs soothingly, obsessively now. Levi stumbled to realize Erwin's words. “That’s my…punishment?” 

Erwin looked away, to the side. “Yes,” he answered flatly, guarding himself in this wild new territory. “I want. That. I want you. That way.” He clamped his mouth shut, breathing in so deeply his broad chest moved Levi with the motion of it. 

Levi breathed in just as deeply; he could smell the clean on Erwin, imagined him washing thoroughly so Levi had nothing to complain about when he got fucked down the throat by Erwin’s fat cock. 

Levi curled his hands into Erwin’s shirt, a shiver running througuh him. His dear Daddy had been thinking about this for some time now. 

Levi licked his lips. Erwin wanted to have his wicked way with Levi, wanted to see him struggle and choke around the length of him. Turn his boy into a good little cocksucker. Come down his throat. 

Levi pinched his eyes shut. “What if I can’t?” He asked in a sincerely troubled voice, clouded by a rising fog of lust. 

Erwin whipped his face around in surprise, clearly not expecting that question. It only took him a second to pick up on Levi’s deeply aroused state and conflicting insecurity. 

“I know you’ll be able to,” Erwin asurred, cupping Levi’s blushing face tenderly, pulling him in to suck kisses on his lips. “You’ll try so hard for me, won’t you.” 

“Yes,” Levi sighed, holding onto him tightly. “I want to try.” 

Erwin rubbed his back, nodding. He fixed Levi with a serious look. “Levi,” he started in a certain tone, “this is a punishment. It won’t be easy—” 

“I know that,” Levi insisted, offended at the babying, but the scolding look Erwin sent him quieted him. 

“I need you to understand that I’m really going to push you.” He took a breath, hands sliding to Levi’s shoulders. “I want this to happen. But I want you to be okay. Do you understand?” 

 

Levi nodded. “Yes. yes. I’m not a virgin, Erwin. I’ve played before.” 

Erwin looked dark, but he nodded. “Good. Red yellow green?” 

“Green,” Levi chirped. Erwin smiled a little and kissed his forehead, the fucking sap. 

“Good boy." Levi noticed every time Erwin said that, it sounded clearer. It should make him ashamed, but Erwin made it sound so good. "Do you want to eat before or after? I have sushi.” 

Levi hummed. “Now?” Frankly, he didn’t want the taste of jizz to ruin his appetite. Plus his stomach was flipflopping. Even if his dick wanted to do this now, he knew eating would be best. 

“Now,” Erwin agreed, kissing him once more deeply before moving Levi off his lap and rising to get sushi. Levi fidgetted in his absence and drained his grape juice, wanting something harder to take the edge off. 

“Tell me about work. You got out late,” Erwin said as he sat back down, carry out containers of sushi and rolls from Levi’s favorite restaurant stacked high in his hands. Levi helped him sort dinner out. 

He filled up a plate with a little of everything and tucked against Erwin’s body to eat and talk and kiss each other into comfort while the promise of later simmered beneath every action. 

“Can’t believe you gave me grape juice. After I worked all week long,” Levi complained good naturedly after dinner. Erwin was reclined, relaxed, enjoying Levi casually palming his crotch. Levi enjoyed it too, teasing him hard. 

“Grape juice is good for you. Full of vitamins,” Erwin hushed lazily. 

“If I wanted vitamins I’d get some Flintstones gummy chews.” 

Erwin cracked an eye open to look at him. “That was oddly specific.” He sat up properly and pressed Levi’s hand firmly against his crotch. “Are you done teasing me?” 

Levi considered. “Nope.” He squeezed his hand around Erwin to watch him flinch, but Erwin took him by the wrist roughly. It surprised Levi, made him gasp, and the hot look Erwin pinned on him held him silent, bottom lip caught between his teeth. 

“Well I am. You’ve done enough teasing. It’s time for you to learn something valuable.” Erwin hauled them both to their feet, backing Levi up one step at a time until his back hit the bedroom door. Erwin kept making Levi’s head spin. 

“We’re going to go into my bedroom, Levi, and you’re going to take off your clothes for me. And then you’re going to kneel on the ground and wait.” 

Nothing about his tone hinted at this being a question. Erwin’s powerful voice alone could drive Levi to his knees. They stayed like that, pressed together tensley outside the bedroom, Erwin holding Levi’s wrists, rubbing the soft skin he found there. He was waiting. For Levi. 

Levi blinked rapidly, mouth parting a little in understanding as he searched Erwin’s eyes. He let out a shakey breath, butterflies making merry in his gut again. “Yes, Daddy,” he consented in a docile tone.  

Erwin eased all over with pride and relief. Levi didn’t think this was much of a punishment if he was enjoying himself so much. 

Erwin let them into the bedroom and flicked on the lights. Levi took note of a fluffy robe on the bed and a water bottle sitting on the stand but said nothing, turning on his socked feet to face Erwin. 

Erwin raised a commanding eyebrow. “You have your orders.” 

Levi clicked his tongue and stepped to the bed, stripped and folded his clothes until his skin was bared all over. Erwin watched him without comment. When Levi tucked his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts, he looked over his shoulder to find Erwin palming himself through his jeans. 

Levi shimmied out of his shorts and bent all the way down to step out if it. 

“Careful, boy.” 

Levi looked at him upsidedown from between his legs. Despite his unimpressed tone, Erwin appeared faintly amused. Levi straightened and turned, moving towards him. Erwin made no move to hide how he looked at him, and Levi swelled in pride, heat pricking along his skin. He imagined his nakedness as loud, as consuming, with Erwin still dressed. 

Erwin put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him down onto his knees in front of him. Levi exhaled, looking up immediately. Erwin’s denim-clad cock waited just in front of him, and it hadn’t been this intimidating before. 

Something in his look gave him away because Erwin ran his finger down the slope of his nose affectionately. “Take me out now, Levi,” and his name sounded sugary and small how Erwin said it.  

Levi closed his eyes and sat up higher on his knees, disbelieving that he was even too small for this. He undid the button snaps of Erwin’s jeans, and yep, commando. Shit. There was no warning between denim and skin. Erwin’s hardened cock sprang up, sitting heavy between the open flaps of his pants, golden brown curls flowered out around it. Levi stuck his face in against the root, half kiss, half quiet moan. He did smell good, still like sex, like man and Erwin but nothing foul or ripe. 

Erwin settled a hand in his hair. “This hardly looks like a punishment,” he warned gently. Levi nuzzled against him only a little longer before he planted one hand on Erwin’s thigh for support and took his cock in the other. He licked from base to tip when he sat back —he may not be good at deepthroating, but he still knew what to do with a dick. 

Levi started as he usually did, little sucks and licks, batting his eyelashes and glancing up at Erwin. He played the milk hungry kitten well, lapping at the head, moaning around Erwin like his cock was a treat. 

Erwin played with his hair, watching him. When Levi took Erwin into his mouth to the usual amount, sucked and went to bob up, Erwin stopped him. The pressure on the back of his head increased until Levi slipped down another inch on Erwin’s cock so the head bumped the back of his throat. 

Levi gagged, tears springing to his eyes. He whined in disapproval until Erwin let him up. Levi let his cock slip free with a string of drool. 

“Don’t—,” Levi snapped thoughtlessly before he sucked it back into his chest. 

Erwin fisted his hair, enough to sting his scalp. Levi felt the tension down to his cock that bobbed, pink, between his own legs. 

“Try again, little boy.” 

Levi licked his lips and nodded in Erwin’s grip. Erwin eased up on him and guided Levi back to his dripping cock. Levi licked the head clean of precome before he took him back into his mouth, breathing out slowly as he sank down. 

 

It was an affair, working Erwin over with a firm hand pushing him to take more. Levi coughed and choked, fear jumping up to chase Erwin out of his throat at each teasing dip past his gag reflex. But each time his throat convulsed in protest of the intrusion, Erwin moaned softly and scratched his scalp. 

Levi lost his grace and poise, drool and slick dripped down his chin, breath fast. He got all but the last two inches of Erwin inside his mouth, but that wasn’t good enough. He sucked hard at him, both hands clutching the front of his thighs.  

When Erwin laid both hands on his head, Levi sobbed in expectation. Those loving fingers carded through his hair before Erwin gripped Levi’s head and between the pressure there and a thrust of his hips, fucked down the whole of Levi’s throat.  

Levi cried liberally, jaw split wide and aching, the surreal sensation of choking and suffocating held on the edge of his senses. He gagged and swallowed, squeezing around Erwin who answered the motion with a loud groan. “God, good boy, good boy.” 

Erwin thrusted in and out of his mouth a few times until Levi couldn’t do it anymore and jerked away violently, freeing his mouth so he could cough and gasp and hiccup. His lips tingled with numbness, and even as he swallowed now, he could feel the phantom stretch of Erwin’s cock. 

“Levi? Colour?” 

"Yellow. Green." Levi rubbed at his mouth, breathing unevenly. He shook his head, rubbed at his tear sticky face. “Just gimme a minute,” he rasped.  

Erwin scratched his scalp gently. Levi hung his head, face burning. He could do it, he knew he could. He’d just done it, put Erwin’s huge giant dick down his damn throat. The thought made his head spin.  

Levi looked up at Erwin. His face was red, his lips bitten red from watching Levi. He looked caught between concern and blowing his load right now on Levi’s face. 

Levi eased his jaw side to side before leaning in close to rest his cheek against Erwin’s hip. “Am I doing good, Daddy?” he closed his burning eyes, steadying himself. 

Erwin let out a ruined noise and pressed Levi’s cheek closer. “You’re doing so well, baby boy.” 

The praise made pleasure spike through him. Levi swallowed, dropping a hand between his thighs to grip his persistently and inappropriately interested erection, stroking it loosely. 

“Ah, no,” Erwin scolded, pulling Levi’s face away and knocking his foot against Levi’s wrist in reprimand. “No.” 

Levi dropped his touch, balling his fists. 

“Colour?” 

“Green.” 

Erwin brought his cockhead to Levi’s wet puffy lips. “I’m close, Levi. I want you to take me all the way again — if you don’t do it yourself, I’ll do it for you. When I come, you’ll swallow.” 

Levi twitched. He nodded, Erwin's cock resting on the swell of his bottom lip. The rapture on Erwin’s face almost made up for how much he hated come.  

Erwin stretched down so he could hold the front of Levi’s neck. Levi pinched his eyes shut as he worked his mouth down over Erwin’s cock. He panted around him, trying to stay calm. Erwin rocked his hips faintly. Levi clawed his fingers into the front of his jeans, frozen with his mouth stuffed on a cock.  

His time ran out, and he greeted it with relief. Erwin slipped down his throat, pumping himself into Levi who held on for dear life, sucking gasps where he could, keeping lips curled over teeth and a tongue working rudimentary patterns along throbbing veins.  

Erwin wasn’t rough, and he didn’t fuck Levi hard or keep him down deep. Levi moved with him when he could, tried to make him feel good, make him come. 

“Levi…” 

Levi slurped noisily, huffing and slobbering all over his goddamn self. Erwin’s nails clawed at the back of his skull. 

“Fuck. Boy. You’re so fucking…” 

Levi cried in great grasps and bobbed his head furiously, determined in his delerium brought on by the dizzy swirls of oxygen deprivation and a sort of tacit bodily abandonment as he strove only to get Erwin off. 

Erwin pumped shallowly in and out of his mouth, thighs quaking under Levi’s hands. Then he jabbed in, fucking Levi in a throw of pleasure, holding Levi down on his cock as he pulsed and spilled, grinding his hairy pelvis against Levi’s abused mouth.  

Levi froze as Erwin’s come poured into him, some going down his throat easily, thoughtlessly, to sit in his belly. But Erwin started to pull out and he filled Levi’s mouth with the vile stuff, thick and bitter. 

Levi could have thrown up, mouth full of it. He swallowed just barely, face twisting. Erwin’s dick smeared more across his face, his cheek.  

Levi breathed raggedly in relief when he was gone from his mouth, vision glazed with tears.  

“Levi. Fuck. You’re amazing, oh, Fuck, you’re such a good boy.” Erwin got mouthy when he had a good fuck. 

Levi cleared his throat, mouth hanging open with spit and come spread sloppily across his face. Erwin’s cock hung there before him, still hard, as messy as his face. Levi really fucking hated messes. 

He leaned forward and licked him clean, tongue dragging around the ridge of the head and down the shaft. He licked until Erwin hissed above him and pulled him away like the overeager dog he was acting. 

“Enough. Enough, you’re done. Put me away. You’re done.” 

Levi noticed that his hands shook as he did Erwin’s jeans back up. The buttons defied him treacherously. He sniffled on tears and wanted to throw up the taste in his mouth. 

Levi burrowed his face in against Erwin’s crotch and shuddered. Erwin knelt down slowly, expression indecipherable to Levi. “You did very well,” he said. 

“I feel fucking gross,” Levi returned shakily.  

Erwin’s lips twitched on a smile. He stood up, “let me get you—” and moved away.  

Levi caught his hand with his own dirty ones. “No. just. Stay here,” he demanded. Erwin turned on his heel and bent, scooping Levi up under his armpits and onto his wobbly feet. Levi grunted in pain, knees and ankles stiff, body like jelly. 

“Oh, Levi,” Erwin crooner, holding him as tightly as Levi clutched at him. “I’ve got you. Just relax, Daddy’s got you.” 

Levi let himself be moved to the bed that was too big and soft and nice. Erwin crouched over him and kissed him,  uncaring of that thick awful taste in Levi’s mouth. He kissed down his fluttering stomach and to the dark patch of hair between Levi’s legs and his neglected cock. Levi moaned, thighs jumping, and came embarrassingly fast onto his stomach as Erwin rubbed him out.  

Levi laid there limply after, receiving kisses and touches that he sighed into. He watched Erwin retrieve something from his bedside table, and when a wet, cool sensation wiped across his thighs, Levi almost jumped. 

“Is that lube?”  

Erwin paused and looked at him oddly. “What? No. It’s a babywipe.” 

Levi sputtered on a laugh. “What the fuck?” 

Erwin hummed and returned to wiping Levi clean. “I knew you’d be messy, and that’s intolerable, but you can barely stand. Don’t worry, they’re hypoallergenic and all natural.” 

Levi endured in lazy silence before he muttered: “I’m not a baby.” 

Erwin laughed quietly and got a fresh wipe to clean Levi’s face. “Of course not.” 

He wiped his fingers and palms and kissed him when he was done. “Sit up a moment, let’s get you some clothes.” 

Levi rolled over onto his stomach. “No. Don’t wanna.” 

“You wanna stay naked?” Erwin asked, rubbing a hand from between his shoulder blades to his butt. 

Levi grunted. Erwin rolled him over and kissed his chest. “I want you to drink some water.” He moved to behind Levi’s head and sat him up against his chest, grabbing the water bottle from the nightstand. He uncapped it. “Drink for me.” 

“Such a busy body,” Levi complained weakly, sitting up and draining half the bottle in a go. His mouth was dry. it felt good. His mouth didn’t taste as bad. He drank a little more while Erwin pet his chest. 

Erwin took the bottle away when he was done and they settled into bed together. “Good?” Erwin asked hesitantly. 

Levi nodded. “Yeah. M’good.” He snuggled against Erwin. “Really tired.” 

“Want to sleep?” Erwin whispered. Levi nodded and butted his nose into Erwin’s clean shaven chin and stayed quiet. “Okay, sleep, darling.” 

The hold of Erwin’s arms had never felt so grounding. Levi faded fast, drained and filled with something new. 

Sleep lasted until it didn't, just like that. Levi woke up maybe an hour later, disoriented, mouth absolutely foul tasting and dry, lips chapped. He fumbled in a tangle of limbs, all but headbutting Erwin in the nose. 

Erwin grunted, awake now. He seemed just as foggy. "What's wrong?" He slurred, eyes blinking open to look at Levi. 

"Ugh, you have dead fish breath," Levi hissed, rolling away and sitting up, hair wild. What time was it? Still dark. Not even late. 

"You have dick breath," Erwin pointed out so helpfully, stretching and lazing about. He looked ready to fall back asleep, the energy sucked out of him through his dick apparently. 

Men, Levi thought derisively, kicking off the bedsheets and getting out of bed. A rush of blood dizzied him, but he marched toward the bathroom. His mouth had a very important date with some extra clean tooth paste. 

Erwin wandered in behind him after he took so long, dressed in boxers now and rubbing at his tousled hair. He looked stupidly handsome. Levi would suck his dick again. 

"What're you doing," Erwin asked like an idiot, nudging in beside Levi to get his own toothbrush. It was weirdly rehearsed and Levi felt a million years old beside Erwin. 

"Flossing your sperm out of my teeth." 

Erwin snorted around his toothbrush. Levi watched him in the mirror until Erwin met his eyes there. Then he looked down, tossing his floss and moving to go back to bed. 

Erwin caught his wrist gently and Levi let himself be held still, waited for him to spit and rinse, waited for Erwin to hug him from behind, drape his massive body over his own and engulf him in his touch and smell. 

Quiet fell over them, peace. They breathed in together, bare feet touching, ankle bones knocked close. 

"You're beautiful," Erwin murmured, cheek atop Levi's head. 

No, Erwin wasn't the first man to call him a boy or tell him he was beautiful. But he was the first that made Levi think maybe, just maybe, he could be ugly in front of him and still be thought beautiful. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be doing other things. S2g I'm forming a sort of plot thing.

Erwin stopped in the doorway of his bedroom, catching Levi in some….questionable position. “Are you humping my bed?”

Levi jolted in surprise and probably got whiplash he turned his head so fast. “What? No. I’m trying to twerk.”

He repeated the concerning jerky jiggling of his butt.

"Stop before you break something," Erwin cautioned, returning with two more beers. Levi had determined to clean his fridge out, literally. The kitchen smelled like Lysol and everything "fucking gross and MOLDY Erwin you’re going to get a disease, idiot" had been thrown out.

So at this point Erwin had a bizarre collection of random beers from Coors light to Belgium winter ales that Levi very cunningly insisted be drunk so they could be recycled and thus the purge of his sickly refrigerators interior could come to a close.

"Ha-ha. You’re one to talk you old fart. Almost threw your back out on that last move. What was that supposed to be, a killing blow?"

Levi, as was his weekend tendency, spent most of his time at Erwin’s where he essentially sexed Erwin into complacency. Sure, Friday night Erwin had taken control, but come the second round Saturday morning before noon and Erwin was at Levi’s mercy.

It was a generous mercy, at least. Erwin just hoped they didn’t run out of condoms anytime soon. Or if they did, Levi would hopefully get too drunk and sleepy and Erwin could put him down for a nap.

"I like it better when you call me Daddy," Erwin grumbled, swatting Levi’s butt before he sat on the edge of the bed. Levi looked at him coyly and rolled over, tangling himself in the sheets cutely. The boy was a menace.

"Only good daddies get called Daddy," Levi reasoned in a sugar coated voice.

"And I’m not good?"

"Nope. You made me cry. So you gotta be extra nice to make up for it."

Levi was just teasing, and this was mostly to justify why he was drinking all of Erwin’s beer at 2pm. But still, it made guilt gnaw at Erwin’s gut. He had made Levi cry — and he’d liked it. He liked the apple-red of Levi’s tear streaked cheeks and his wobbling wet bottom lip. The way Levi’s mouth, his throat, had felt while he sobbed and sucked. But most of all, Levi’s watery eyes looking up to Erwin for praise and comfort. It was enough to drive a man crazy. 

Erwin twisted the cap off a stray Mad Elf left over from the holidays and handed it to a needy Levi. They’d found it next to a petrified forgotten half eaten TV dinner. That’d been embarrassing. Erwin wouldn’t have been surprised if Levi had walked out on him forever right there.

Levi slithered his naked body, gorgeous lithe body, out of the sheets to sit up so he wouldn’t spill. Erwin ran the cold, condensation filmed can of Coors over his thigh. Levi bared his teeth harmlessly. Harmless compared to the red wings of scratches Levi had given to Erwin during a frantic orgasm. They burned in the shower, they burned when Levi ran his tongue over them.

Levi set Erwin ablaze.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand. Levi pounced for it, enough of his beer already sucked away that it didn’t spill out the long neck. Erwin leaned over him and plucked it out of his hands, kissed his head. “Thank you.”

Levi tracked him with his eyes.

From Hanji: What are you doing? 

Erwin hunched his shoulders, suddenly self aware. Of the faint buzz of alcohol that should shame him to have at this hour, at this age. The twenty three year old in his bed.

To Hanji: Nothing. Why? 

From Hanji: I don’t know what to bring to Mike and Nana’s mustard party thing. I still can’t believe Mike’s mom got them a SUPREME gift basket those things are a million bucks.

To Hanji: I like mustard.

From Hanji: HELP ME MAKE DESSERT

Erwin licked his bottom lip, glancing at Levi who was making a show of drinking his beer.

To Hanji: Later. Presently busy.

From Hanji: I thought you were doing nothing.

He chose to ignore the obvious suspicion in that last text. Erwin hummed and dropped his phone back onto the bedside table. “What dessert would you suggest go with a mustard party?”

Levi snorted, brows tugged down incredulously. “A what?” He tugged on the elastic of Erwin’s boxers suggestively.

Erwin crawled into the bed and took Levi’s beer, tipping it back and draining it in long pulls. He didn’t miss Levi admiring the strong line of his neck. Erwin drew back from the now empty beer and caught Levi on a wet, cherry bitter kiss. “A mustard party,” he repeated himself, tipping Levi onto his back and spreading his thighs, throwing away the sheets from him.“Fancy mustards, cheese, balonga…”

“Crackers?” Levi suggested, now blessedly naked and revealed.

Erwin knelt between his legs. “Most likely.” He rubbed against the grain of dark hair inside of Levi’s thighs. In and upward to tease Levi into arousal.

“Ah—Mmm. A pear tart. With gruyere. Or cheddar. Or blackberries something. Blackberries would be nice.” He sighed softly when Erwin kissed down his neck and chest, sucking a blush onto his nipples. “I take it you’re going to a mustard party.”

“Yes, apparently.”

For a moment they were silent, touching. Then a quiet: “is that what you do? With your friends?”

Erwin kissed him on the mouth. “Not usually.”

He couldn’t read Levi’s expression, a rumpled little frown, a bitten bottom lip that Erwin teased from between Levi’s teeth only to suck it more swollen. He sighed and hoisted Levi’s legs around him.

“Hey. Condom.” Levi dug a heel into his back.

“Right…” Erwin moved away, fishing out another condom. Foils crinkled in the sheets around them. He rolled it on, added some extra lube for the hell of it — Levi was visibly wet from their last coupling — and pushed in unceremoniously. He slipped inside Levi easily, sucked into his well fucked hole. He wanted to know how it felt without a condom, the puffy flesh and blistering heat.

Levi dug his heel into Erwin’s back again. “Quit thinking about grey poupon and fuck me.”

~~

It was the way the four of them arranged the table felt so easy and neat that started Erwin thinking. Four sides, four chairs.  Where would a fifth go?

It was licking a smear of ginger honey mustard off his thumb that made him know Levi would have enjoyed this. Taste testing little jars of mustard on pretzel sticks, the informal atmosphere.

Nana dabbed an experimental blob of mustard onto a bite of the blackberry tart Erwin had suggested to Hanji that they make. Mike watched skeptically as Nana chewed.

"Damn," Nana nodded.

Hanji bumped their fist against Erwin’s knee under the table, congratulatory. ”Good idea,” they complimented.

Erwin smiled guiltily.

~~

An email notification let him know Thursday morning that he needed to finalize his trip to Jamaica with the company so they could cover his fees. 

Erwin dropped his chin into both hands, staring at the message. He drug his hands up across his face, into his hair to thoroughly ruin his coif. No. Bringing Levi would be absolutely inappropriate. ( _God,_ it would look so bad.)

He finalized for one.

To Levi: Dinner out next Friday? Some place with a dress code.

A half hour later Levi responded.

From Levi: Catholic school cafeteria?

To Levi: Don’t give me ideas.

From Levi: Did you want to do something this weekend?

To Levi: I have to be up at 4 on Saturday. Maybe Sunday? 

From Levi: wtf u doing at 4 in the goddamn morning hiding a body???

To Levi: Fishing. Early bird gets the worm and all that jazz.

From Levi: ??????????????? okkkk?

~~

Mike drove them to the docks because Mike’s banged up Jeep that more often than not looked like it’d just gone mudding (it had. Especially today considering they’d had heavy rains for two days. Prime mudding weather) was less likely to ensure any hardship than Erwin's car. The backseat faintly jingled, a cooler of beers packed full and clinking. Another cooler of sub sandwiches and  _some_ waters. 

Mike brooded quietly in the driver’s seat while Erwin composed a text to Levi that, at this godforsaken hour, felt out of place and dire.

'Good morning for when you wake. I hope you're able to sleep in today, that you sleep well. Do I tell you enough how much I love sleeping with you? I do. I may need you tonight, honestly. If you don't have plans. I'll smell like fish and the sea and RAW MASCULINE STRENGTH because I know you like that about me. Did that make you smile? :) Have a good day baby boy. I'll try not to get eaten by a shark.'

Mike readjusted his grip on the steering wheel. Erwin put his phone back into his bag. “This feels like college,” Mike said.

Erwin lifted his eyebrows. Consdering Mike was driving, he did not see this, forcing Erwin to speak. “I think that’s the point. Getting the boys back together.”  
  


Mike shook his head a little. “No. More like college during break. When you go home to your high school friends and your hometown. And you try to explain the new person you have become to people who only remember the kid in you. That’s what this always feels like.”

Erwin settled back in his seat, taking a stunned moment. This is why he loved Mike. “Is that a bad thing?” he asked genuinely curious. He shifted so he could watch Mike, the gray of his profile in the not-yet morning light.

Mike shrugged one massive shoulder. “No. It’s not bad. Maybe that’s what Nile’s going for. It just seems juvenile.”

Again, Erwin tried to speak with his eyebrows. Luckily, Mike explained, sensing his confusion. “We’re in our forties, Erwin. We don’t have time to waste anymore. And — Damn,” Mike smacked the steering wheel. “He and Marie haven’t come by our flat once. Not once. I tried to suggest we bring our partners - and you know, I think the word scared him off.”

"You don’t think he has a problem with Nanaba, do you?" Erwin asked incredulously. Mike’s words settled over him. Forties. Wasting time. "He seemed fine at the wedding."

"To  _us,”_ Mike growled.

"Shit," Erwin whistled. He tried to recall that day ten years ago but barely could, not beyond the atmosphere of it, the pride and love he felt seeing Mike like that, with someone he loved. Dear Nana. "But he’s — we’re—"

Mike let out a sagging breath and took a turn. “I know. I know. I don’t think that’s really it. I hope not.” His jaw clenched. He did think that was it.

Erwin thought of Levi curled up in his sheets, asleep.

"I don’t think I like this game, Erwin. Planning the trip, the boat, the beers. Acting like this is some release. I fucking love fishing, man, I do. But not with the pretense of rekindling a friendship that’s going to go mute until the next season, the next trip, rolls around. I don’t have time for that. We’re past that."

They were forty-five minutes from the docks. “We can turn around.”

"Nah, man. I’m cool," Mike said more softly.

"Mike. I won’t let you be made uncomfortable or insulted. Not for anything."

Mike reached over and clasped at Erwin’s chest, a rough pat. Erwin held his thick wrist, jaw set, stare fixed on Mike. 

"I know, man. You’ve got my back." Mike chuckled, grunted, let go of Erwin and put his hand back on the wheel with the other. "Definitely feels like college."

"No," Erwin reasoned. "You and I, we’re past college."

Mike’s lips twitched up.

~~~

Erwin had positively scoured his skin in the shower that night, trying to rid himself of the reek of dark water, the inky smell of dead fish that soured in his fingernails from hooking bait, lopped off bloody heads, onto the end of his line to sink down into the deep ocean. He had a few pounds of fish in his fridge back home to tomorrow. 

Levi let him into his apartment late Saturday night in boxers and a tshirt and droopy-eyed. “Hey,” he mumbled, soft under Erwin’s hands when they kissed and hugged in the doorway. Erwin held onto him, lifting him up off the ground gingerly in a hug. Levi, stifled by the hour, let it be done. “You okay?” 

Erwin squeezed him a little more before setting him down on his bare feet. “Just missed you.” He pushed Levi’s floppy bangs back from his face and stared at his confused expression before smiling so he could watch Levi’s concern ease.

"Al-right," Levi sounded carefully before he jerked his head back towards the gut of the apartment. "You said you wanted to sleep with me, let’s go sleep." Like it was that easy. Like Erwin asking if he could come over and hold Levi was part of what they did.

Apparently it was. Apparently wedging together on a single in a crap apartment rented by two recent college graduates was what they did. What Erwin did. He held a man almost half his age to his chest and kissed his neck with no alternate motivation other than to just kiss Levi’s neck.

They both laid awake, thinking in loud silence. The city occasionally hummed to life with a passing car, an echoing laugh. Erwin brushed his thumb against Levi’s body under his shirt. He couldn’t remember if they ever didn’t have sex before this type of quiet.

"Do you mind this?" he whispered, maybe hoping Levi had fallen asleep.

"Hmm? No. It’s nice," Levi whispered back, thinking of Erwin’s thumb tracing over his belly. 

Erwin hugged him tighter, a better fit, spread his fingers wide and firm. 

"Are you sure you’re okay?" Levi asked again. Erwin nodded, nose in his hair.

"I’ll tell you about it in the morning."

"Kay….hey, Erwin? You kind of smell like fish."

"I think you mean raw masculinity," Erwin slurred. Levi huffed, his laugh all caught up in Erwin’s arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that didn't go as planned exactly

They were awake without acknowledging it, touching together until the warmth of their skin matched, and the light duvet didn’t feel like anything at all. Erwin hovered in a cloud of sleep, distantly considering the sun’s rise in the sky, the tickle of Levi’s leg hair against his own.

Then, an unmistakable ppzzzt sound.

He could pretend he never heard it. Levi might not even be awake – but then Levi started to giggle into his pillow, trying to keep quiet but yes, he had farted and was laughing at himself. Erwin failed to keep quiet as well and pushed a helpless smile into his own pillow, huffing out a laugh.

“Sorry,” Levi laughed, throat scratchy and patchy with sleep. He surreptitiously kicked the blanket up.

“I’m just glad my dick isn’t inside you,” Erwin chuckled, drowsy yet.

“It’d probably melt off.” Levi rolled out of bed, stumbling a little and clutching his head – why did he always do that, Erwin thought. He got dizzy when he did that –and left the room. No doubt for the toilet.

The moment hardly called for any attention. Once you fuck someone in the ass, you move past such things. He dozed. The sound of water running through the pipes carried to him. When Levi crept back in the room, he didn’t return to bed. The moment breathed, rocked gently in Erwin’s sleepy mind. It stretched too long and became clear that Levi watched him, thinking Erwin asleep. Then the floor creaked with new movement and Erwin undressed Levi in his mind the way it sounded. Off went his shirt, down with his boxers. (He wanted Levi back in bed, just to feel him.) Then the slide of his dresser drawers. Dressing. Erwin took it all in, shapeless and sifting through his fingers like dreams.

He woke up with a note crinkling under his cheek, he having rolled into Levi’s small space on the bed.

‘Went running. BBL. Wait for me’

There was a dent in the paper at the end, a little jerky jot of ink – a question mark that Levi never wrote. The questioned aborted, unpunctuated, an unrefined statement.

Erwin stayed in bed until he heard Petra in the kitchen, still no Levi. When the coffee machine percolated and gurgled, Erwin groaned and pushed up, cursing Levi’s box spring mattress and reminding himself why he didn’t sleep over.

Petra in underwear and a godawful ugly tshirt was the other reminder.

“Morning. Did you already go running?” Petra asked, back to Erwin.

“Levi’s running right now,” Erwin said for an ice breaker. Petra startled and whirled.

“Erwin! Hi.” She flapped a hand at the coffee machine, eyes darting to and from his bare chest and shoulders and back to the cupboard that had the coffee mugs Erwin already knew about. “Help yourself. Just getting the morning started. I’m …gonna put on pants.”

He winced. Right.

They moved on from the incident and Erwin pretended he didn’t know that Petra had a mole on her right buttcheek that was in fact very cute. He should not know this about Levi’s roommate. He did not want to. He was very happy with the splotchy birthmark Levi had on his right thigh, thank you.

Petra politely accepted the cup of coffee Erwin handed her. She nodded, squinting down into the cup then at him. “This is just right.”

"I made it how Levi likes it. He mentioned before that you two," he waved his fingers, tapped them against his own mug and drank deeply. He preferred his espresso machine. (‘Classist pig,’ Levi would say even though he told Erwin he preferred his espresso machine as well.) 

"More like Levi likes his coffee how I like mine," Petra clarified, dropping down onto the couch and hauling a stack of papers up from the floor and onto the table. "He steals my coffee — some germaphobe." She shook her head and scrabbled for a red pen, uncapping it with her teeth, reluctant to put down her coffee.

"Ah. So I’m not the only one." He stayed at the counter, anticipating Levi’s return, what words bubbled in wait.

"Nope," Petra said absently. "Once he likes you, he’ll just — weed himself in. Nest. I don’t know, he’s such a weirdo." She smiled at the thought of him. "He’s good. So you know what coffee he likes, hmm? That’s cute."

Suddenly she looked up, not distracted at all. Silently, she demanded of Erwin something he didn’t know if he could give. 

Why were Millennials so terrify? 

(Because they have been wronged.)

"Is it?" Erwin dodged, sweeping sugar into his hand and shaking it into the sink. "Are you grading?"

Petra saw through it but relented. “Yes.” She sighed softly. “Want to help? Come here, take the key.”

"My father was a teacher," Erwin said, joining her, preferring this. "American history and government….oh, this is chemistry." He squinted down an the nearly indecipherable illustration of a molecular bond. of some sort. Hanji would be must better at this.

"Levi mentioned. That’s Eren’s, let me have it. His handwriting is indecipherable." She sounded like a fond tired parent. 

"Who writes in yellow gel pen?" He checked off answers as he went by.

"Ymir. She likes to be difficult. Yellow today? Christa’s must be in purple."

Levi tromped in, sweaty and red. Erwin pictured him shivering in his hands, spent. Levi spared them a fleeting look before he fetched and drained a glass of water. Erwin, curiously, had never seen him after a run. Levi didn’t run when he spent the night. But now he was post-run, and Erwin thought it adorable that he wore an elastic headband. His hairline was very straight.

"Morning," Levi finally waved.

"Good morning," Erwin greeted, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you cool for me to shower?"

Erwin smiled; it was cute for Levi to pretend like he cared — he’d shower anyway.

"Petra needs me," he said.

"Ain’t need no man," Petra said under her breath. She pushed another stack at Erwin. "Pop quizzes."

Science teachers had a much easier time than history, Erwin decided. No long essays to read. (He’d never say this outloud to Petra. Ever.)

Levi came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, skin pink and damp as before. Erwin followed him with his eyes; Levi looked over his shoulder and tipped his head to his bedroom. He left the door cracked.

Erwin cleared his throat and fiddled the corner of a paper. “I’m going to—”

"Yep," Petra waved her hand. "Bye Bye."

"Bye bye," Erwin mirrored, getting up in obvious haste and going back to Levi’s room. He caught Levi pulling brilliant red boxerbriefs over the cheeks of his ass.

"Too late," Levi teased, fishing out a tshirt. Erwin grunted and grabbed him around the middle, bowing over him to kiss his neck, tasting soap and clean skin. He sucked at it, latching his teeth into Levi’s neck playfully, rolled his tongue firmly against his skin. "Erwin, you fucking animal," Levi protested in words alone, offering no resistance and instead tipping his head in Erwin’s favor.

Erwin fingered the protruding bones of his hips and mouthed at the line of Levi’s throat. “What can I say; you bring out the animal in me.”

Levi snorted gracelessly and shoved him off, fingers jumping up to rub at the red marks on his neck. Erwin smirked in the face of his narrow-eyed glare.

"How long did you run?"

Levi looked at the bedside clock. “Little over an hour.”

Erwin considered the firmness of Levi’s thighs. And then his own. “If you ever want to go running when you’re over at mine, I’d love to go running with you.” 

"Nah." Levi tugged on his shirt and missed Erwin’s expression.

"Nah?"

"Yeah. Nah. Running’s me-time."

Erwin respected that. Yes, Levi turning him down was for the best. He didn’t want to imagine the shame of Levi outstripping him, having to fall behind to be with him. It’d be too harsh. 

"Do you…," Levi spoke hesitantly, his tone snapping Erwin from his thoughts, "want more…us-time?"

Erwin stared at him. Levi blanched under the silence and turned away to get a pair of jeans. 

"What?" he asked stupidly.

"What? Nothing."

"Levi," Erwin said firmly, the ground shifting beneath his feet, "what did you say?"

Levi snapped his jeans down, holding the denim hard in one hand. He turned an indignant face on Erwin. “Us-time. That thing couples do sometimes. Together.”

The ground definitely slid beneath his feet. He stepped away from Levi, mouth pursed in thought, and dropped heavily onto Levi’s bed. It bent forgivingly beneath him. “We’re a couple,” and Erwin tried to not make it sound like a question. Evidently, not.

Levi stared at him, eyes almost bugging out of his head, before he clenched his jaw and gave a vicious snort, pulling on his jeans, feet stabbing through the leg holes and heels striking the ground loudly. “Well I thought we were but apparently this is a fucking news flash.”

Erwin shook his head and reached out for Levi. “Come here.” He stared at him beseechingly, hands out and waiting. “Come here, Levi.”

"You’re really…" Levi complained, frustration and hurt bled together in his voice. He came into range enough for Erwin to snag him at his belt loops and pull him in to stand between his knees. "Do you think I’d do the stuff — the stuff we do with just anyone? You asshole."

For all Levi’s coyness and biting tongue and cool indifference, he looked to Erwin like he wore his heart on his sleeve. How Erwin had been so blind to it, he didn’t know.

"I didn’t know," he confessed. Levi’s face crinkled, cheeks hot with feeling. Erwin held his hips, thumbs dragging over the bone of them like he’d touched just moments before. "But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about."

Levi shook his head, body rigid under Erwin’s hands. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Erwin laughed once, short and breathy. “No. God, no, Levi.” He pulled him in another step and rested his forehead against Levi’s chest. “The opposite.” He closed his eyes, his lashes brushing against the fine silk of Levi’s skin.

A hand settled in his hair cautiously. “The opposite of breaking up is getting married I think. Just FYI.”

Erwin huffed against Levi’s skin and kissed down at his navel. “Would you say yes?”

"What the fuck?"

Erwin laughed and looked up to Levi’s wild face.

"You fucking weirdo, stop playing. Would you just tell me what you’re going on about?"

Erwin groped for his hands and held them in his own. Levi looked fit to run away. “The fishing trip I went on got me thinking, Levi. About my life, where I am, where I want to be. I didn’t know you thought of us as a couple; I’m sorry, I didn’t. But that makes this so much easier.”

Levi pressed his lips together, rolling them into his mouth to keep himself silent so Erwin could finish. Erwin played with his slim fingers, kept his eyes locked with Levi’s.

"The past month now I’ve really started thinking about you and us." He brought Levi’s hands up to kiss his knuckles, hold his lips against them, fold his hands over them. "I want to be serious about you, Levi. I want this to be…an equal commitment." 

Erwin had said this to so few people in his life. “I love you.”

He watched the bomb detonate behind Levi’s eyes. “You don’t have to say it now,” he hurried to assure. “But you need to know that’s how I feel, and what I’m asking of you. I can’t waste time, Levi. I’m not twenty three. But I don’t want to waste your time either. If you just wanted something casual, that’s fair. You can walk away from this, and I will always think fondly of you.”

Levi’s chest rose and felt in deep calculated breaths. His face barely hid the alarm. His palms sweated in Erwin’s grip, hands limp. “Jesus,” Levi whispered, eyes finally darting away from Erwin’s. It seemed to break the hold on him and he freed his hands gently from Erwin’s, turned away and scrubbed his hands over his face and through his damp hair.

Erwin worried that seeing Levi’s back may be the last vision of him. 

"God. Erwin." He turned around. "What the fuck kind of fishing trip did you go on?"

Erwin smiled bitterly. “The annual ‘get the boys back together’ kind.”

Levi’s lip curled and he shook his head, lip twitching treacherously. Levi stared at his bedroom door and Erwin stared at him. The cogs went in Levi’s mind, a thought churning visibly. Finally, he turned his flint eyes on Erwin, a spark there.

"Can I think about it? Everything?"

Hope sickened in his stomach. Erwin nodded. “I wouldn’t like it if you didn’t.” He pushed up off the bed. “Take all the time you need. But — please do call, even if it’s to say goodbye.” Give him that mercy at least.

Levi’s eyes widened, and they seemed to pink with a sting of tears that vanished back inside. “Yeah. Shit, yeah. Course.”

Levi guarded himself, but he wasn’t cruel. Erwin bent to kiss his cheek. “Have a good week, Levi.”

Petra was gone from the living room, coffee mug left behind. Levi followed Erwin to the door, silent, strange in his own skin. He watched Erwin pull on his shoes with great fascination to the point where Erwin worried. He had to give him time to process, not to push. He was halfway out the door and when Levi finally spoke up.

"Erwin," he called, pulling on his wrist to stop his exit. Erwin barely caught a look at his achingly young face as he turned because Levi buried himself in against his chest in a tight hug. The desperate grip broke Erwin and he wrapped his arms around Levi’s shoulders and pet his hair. He let it go on for some time, holding Levi, being held, knowing that Levi did love him but relationships took more than love and that was a cruel beast.

"Levi," he said gently. Levi stiffened, like he’d been caught, and then he rubbed his face into Erwin’s chest and released him, shuffling away until his back hit the wall of the narrow inlet.

"Sorry," he said miserably. "You can go. I’ll call you."

It was for the best, Erwin knew, to stop the games.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a ton more scenes in my head and am thinking of doing a part 2 to this? What do you guys think? instead of adding chapters onto here? Because their relaysh is only just beginning hm hm hm. And Erwin is an idiot f'real about something important.

Erwin got home and considered this morning non-existent for the next few hours. He had not done any of that. He did not give Levi such a heavy ultimatum. 

He took a shower.

When he considered watching his recorded episode of Covert Affairs, he thought, I better wait for Levi, before he realized that he might as well watch it.

 

But. He didn't. Because for all he knew Levi would call him before dinner and come over and he'd kiss Erwin and all would be well. They would eat salt baked fish and roasted potatos and drink wine and watch tv and maybe fuck and Erwin would hold him all night and convince him to sleep over and they would make promises to each other.

 

By 6pm Levi hadn't called. Erwin invited Hanji over. 

"I wanna go fishing with you and Mike," they whined. 

Erwin paused in serving them, overcome with feelings. "You should. You, Mike, Nana, and I. We should go fishing."

"Yes. Can we do something really gross and middle aged? Like a bed and breakfast? B&B has so many deals." Hanji grabbed Erwin's elbow and shook him. "Let's aggressively vacation and write a memoir and kill a man."

"One step at a time." 

"So we can kill a man? Eventually?"

"We'll see at your evaluation in December."

Hanji didn't look mollified in the least. Erwin hung onto them, the evening, pretending like a certain silence didn't gnaw at him. He did not mention Levi because he never had and how could Erwin even begin to explain his predicament. Because up until this morning, all had been well. Up until Mike sent his thoughts spinning unintentionally, Erwin would never have drawn a line in the sand.

(He tossed in bed. Had he really said that? I love you? Had it been real? He begged to wake from this, begged for it to be a dream. a feverish illusion. let him take it back. He wanted to wake up all over again with Levi in his arms on a lazy Sunday morning, nothing imbalanced. He wanted his phone to ring. Please don't go away.)

~~~

"...our plans for sustainable develop include funding a small scale..."

Erwin tapped his pen against his notes, a dart of ink scratching the plans for a print of new low cost solar cells. His temples throbbed with pain.  
~~~  
Something hot and deliciously overburdened by whipped cream appeared on Erwin's desk, conspicuously set right in front of him. In the middle of the report he was reading. 

"Mike," Erwin said without looking up. The chair across from his desk squeaked with the weight of its new occupant.

"You don't look well," Mike said, cutting to the core of his meeting.

Erwin looked up from under his brows, not feeling particularly indulgent (even if he did lift his shiny new drink up to slurp off the whipped cream.)

Mike wiggled his fingers, ticking them off as he spoke. "Suspicious dinner with Hanji last Sunday; staying late at work; gymning way too hard; and you snapped at Susan."

Erwin had the decency to get hot in the ears. "I apologized and bought her lunch."

"Yes but _Susan_ , she's a million, Erwin. She's so old her house is just a coffin."

Erwin slumped.

"Plus you look like shit."

"Thanks," he grumbled, scrubbing a hand down his face and sighing. He was sure he had new wrinkles. And gray hair. 

Mike scratched at his beard and watched Erwin slurp pathetically at his drink. "Ah, hell, Erwin. What's wrong? Is your mom okay?"

Erwin sharpened up. "No, Mike. She's fine. It's nothing like that." Mike's concern made him guilty but it warmed him up, all the same. "It's," sigh, "Levi." Sigh.

"Who the hell is  Levi?"

Erwin groaned. "My boy....a boy. A guy. That I've been seeing."

Mike did a throat clearing thing. "The uh, little sex kitten you went home with that one time?"

Erwin felt another hair go gray. "That's the one."

The chair squeaked a bit more. Mike scooted it across the floor so he was close enough to lean his elbows on Erwin's desk. "So you really were busy on the weekends --huh. Huh. So what happened, did he dump you?"

Erwin leaned back in his chair, looking at his friend. Mike was curious but didn't radiate sympathy. Concern maybe, but Erwin could imagine the situation through his eyes. He had no clue. "Levi didn't dump me. Yet." He drummed his thumb on his knee. "What you were saying on the fishing trip, about being forty and not wasting time on people got me thinking, Mike. I want to find the right person. I've spent my whole life working, climbing my way to the top. I want my Nanaba."

Mike nodded, expression growing more considerate. "I feel you, buddy. Proud of you for realizing that. So you dumped him?"

"Not quite. I tried to explain myself to him. I gave him the situation to consider."

Mike blinked, thrown. "Wait. You think him, that -- that little twink -- don't look offended, I thought you were gonna get it for statutory, Erwin -- you're trying to settle down with him?"

"He's so much more than I ever thought he would be." 

Mike blew out a breath. "God, you're trying to hook a trophy husband."

Erwin grimaced. He wasn't. God, he'd like it if Levi had another decade on him. Two even. But he didn't, he was how he was and Erwin like him too much to let the difference deter him. It just complicated matters.

~~  
After two weeks Erwin started giving up hope. He questioned if Levi would even call. Too many times he had to stop himself from calling. He couldn't. 

But then one day he came home from work to find Levi sitting outside his apartment door against the wall, a bag of take out beside him, his laptop on his lap.

"Levi," Erwin blurted, travel duffel hitting his butt perfunctoraly. 

Levi jerked to look at him, finger poised over his keyboard. Erwin watched the surprised rapture fill his face. "Erwin," he breathed, like he hadn't expected Erwin to ever show up outside his own door. Then he smoothed over like a waxed edifice and closed his laptop. "You're home late."

 

Erwin licked his lips and readjusted his bag on his shoulder. He might as well been diffusing a bomb suddenly the way his heartrate ratcheted up. "Busy." The word hung and then he nodded towards his door. "Please, come in."

"Right..." Levi grabbed the takeout bag and his work bag and stood, waiting out of reach from Erwin to be let in but once inside he forged ahead, shoes kicked off and stuff away in the usual places.

"Did you try calling me?" Erwin fished out his phone but saw no messages. 

"No."

Erwin fixed him with a look, caught between gratitude and chastisement. "So you sat on the ground for how long?"

"Dunno. Foods cold." Levi aggresively slammed said cartons of food in the microwave and turned his back on Erwin.

Erwin weighed the shape of him, his presence and his coldness, before concluding silently to himself that Levi would be there in the minute it took him to put his bag away. He ducked into his room and forced himself not to rush, the mechanical hum of the microwave audible in the background. He hung up his jacket, wondering about how his normal routine could carry such signficance before he returned to the kitchen. 

The microwave hadn't finished; Levi only looked at him when Erwin returned, his expression indiscernable. Erwin reached into the back of his memory, scratched at it, to pull forward Levi's embarrassing awkwardness from the first month of their dating. It was both comforting in its familiarity and concerning -- Erwin knew Levi leaned toward emotional constiptation in many levels and degrees, so him hiding in the kitchen wasn't necessarily unheard of. Unfortunately, it also meant he didn't know what to do with himself or more importantly, Erwin.

Erwin clicked his tongue.   
"Beer?" 

Levi darted a look at him before nodding. "Sure." He crossed his arms so tightly his shirt should've split at the seams. 

Erwin uncapped a beer and set it down on the counter next to Levi before retreating to the couch in the livingroom. He sat in the middle, spread his legs, flicked on the tv and threw one arm long over the back, beer in his other hand. It wasn't his usual habit, certainly not with Levi around, but it had the right flavor for Levi' behavior that it worked. He let a rerun of Scrubs play without his awarness.

Levi eventually came around, suckling at his beer shyly, pushing a plastic container of curry Erwin's way. "Thank you, Levi."

Levi gave him another indecipherable and fleeting look, grunted and drank his beer. Erwin heard the suck and smack of his wet lips after a long swallow and sighed around a mouthful of food. 

Levi and his vicious clammed up silence dug at Erwin. Normally it didn't, but this normal wasn't theirs anymore. Not when Erwin -- it was all or nothing, what he told Levi. 

"We can be friends," Erwin finally said, almost ashamed.

Levi snorted into his food. "You know that's not true," he said with bitter amusement.

Erwin inhaled deeply and let out the regretful truth once his lungs burned with it. "No. I suppose you're probably right."

Forks clicked against plastic.

"Did you know Scrubs is pretty accurate, comparatively," Levi said.

"Huh." Erwin tipped his head like he might better see the reality in the tv screen. 

Stress sweat creased in Erwin's armpits. From the corner of his eye, Levi appeared normal, unaffected, slurping on noodles. It wrenched at Erwin. Had he been missed? Levi had sat on the floor waiting for him who knows how long. He'd gotten home from work a solid three hours later than normal. 

He forced his attention forward.

Erwin chuckled at Kelso's line and the sound must have shaken something loose in Levi. He dropped his food onto the table and fidgetted with a napkin, scrubbing at his fingers, hunkered over. The dry rustle of cheap  recycled napkin fuzzied up the room. Erwin watched him, longing to steady his nerves, kiss his slim fingers to a calm. 

"Levi? Everything alright?" 

"God," Levi hissed, throwing down the abused napkin and turning to look at Erwin, face creased in distress. "You're such a fucking idiot."

Erwin opened his mouth to ask for a bit of expansion on that, would you be so kind, Levi dear, but Levi threw him for a loop by pulling onto the couch completely and climbing into his lap like he'd done so many times before. 

"Don't kiss me," Erwin gasped, fighting the magnetic longing of reconnection surging in him. but he couldn't bare to be kissed by Levi right now.

"I'm not -- God damnit, Erwin." His small hands held either side of Erwin's face, eyes wildly searching Erwin's. The weight of him felt so good to have again; Erwin strongly suspected that if Levi kissed him, he would kiss back. If Levi wanted anything, Erwin would give it. He didn't know if he could resist, and it thrilled him. Levi could wind in with his veins. Erwin wanted him to root his home in a space of their own.

He never found out though because Levi crumpled against him, dropping his arms around Erwin's shoulders and burying his puckered face into his neck. "Let me be close to you. You're too far away," Levi demanded, strained and soft.

Erwin hugged him closer, knowing it was a bad idea, not knowing any of Levi's intentions. Levi always surprised him, but Erwin couldn't deny him. Levi could eat his heart. 

"Levi..."

"Just let me hold you, Erwin." It came out thick and muffled, Levi's lips working against Erwin's neck. 

Erwin closed his eyes and tightened his arms around Levi, pressing him closer, crushing any distance between them. "Don't make this harder than it has to be," he said, logic treacherous to his heart.

Levi said nothing, soaking in Erwin. Maybe he nudged Erwin with his nose, a ball of affection that Erwin craved.

What timing, Erwin thought. His bags were packed for Jamaica and sitting at the base of his bed. The trip would keep him thoroughly distracted. He would replace Levi with business, his warmth with the sun, the romance of him with his friends. Erwin dropped his head back against the couch and kept his eyes closed, one hand rubbing up and down Levi's spine. He focused as best he could on the sound of the TV rather than Levi's breathing...up and down...in and out...

...Levi puffed a damp sigh against Erwin's throat and nestled in closer. "Erwin?"

Erwin grunted, half-asleep, dislocated. "Yeah, baby?" His hand, which had stopped its soothing motions, resumed. 

"Erwin," Levi's voice chimed a little more sharply, not with anger but alarm. The weight in his lap stiffened, got heavier and sharper. "Hey."

Erwin "hmm"'ed and opened his eyes. Levi. It felt like Sunday morning, like his wishing came true. The taste of curry settled him in time. "Levi." Oh.

Levi's throat worked, bottom lip pushed out as he fought a look of infinite fondness from consuming his face. "Hey, you sleepy dog." 

A JCPenny commercial played on the screen behind him.

"You fell asleep too," Erwin pointed out quietly, lifting a hand to rub at Levi's hair.

"Nuh-uh," Levi whispered, pushing his cheek into Erwin's palm. Erwin smoothed his thumb over Levi's impeccably groomed eyebrow. He wanted to kiss those eyebrows every morning. It struck him dumb to realize.

Erwin groaned and sat up straighter, Levi almost sliding out of his lap. "Tell me what you need to tell me," Erwin said roughly, trying to distance himself from that weakness. 

Levi fumbled his way determinedly back into Erwin's lap, presuming it as his throne. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You're here. You're in my lap." Erwin frowned, hardening over like quartz. "So what have you -- what are you doing with me?" 

Levi ducked his head, hiding an instant of stunned vulnerability. He worried his bottom lip, glaring down at the space between their chests. Erwin wanted to throw him off in frustration.

"If you came over here thinking I wasn't serious about what I said--" Erwin started, barbed.

"I didn't," Levi snapped finally, looking straight at him. "I know you're serious." After a moment, Levi pushed at Erwin's chest, clearly upset. "And you're seriously a dick too, you know. Giving me that all or nothing talk out of nowhere, like we had to make a deal or a contract or something when you didn't even think of us as a couple! And you think you love me!"

Erwin blinked, wide-eyed, at the outburst. "I do love you."

Levi snorted, fisting at Erwin's shirt unhappily, looking away. "But you didn't think of us as a couple." He looked hurt all over again.

 Erwin put his finger to Levi's chin to tip his face upright, back to Erwin. "We weren't a couple, Levi. We were dating, but not a couple."

Levi glared weakly. "What's the difference?"

"A couple is a partnership. Couples build their lives together, they take each other into consideration. We were...playing. Learning each other. And falling in love, at least on my end."

Levi'a face glowed red. "Me too."

Erwin lifted an eyebrow.

"I fell in love too." Levi looked so annoyed by it. "Okay? That's why I'm here. Because I love you."

Erwin sighed, the words pleasant, unsurprising and not quite helpful. "I believe you," and the thought did make him want to crow with joy, victory, made him want to kiss and make love to Levi over and over again. "But --"

"But you want something serious," Levi interrupted, now the one touching Erwin's jaw, eyes looking at Erwin bright and sharp like a freshly honed blade. "And I'm here to be serious with you, or to talk about it seriously at the least."

It was honestly more than Erwin expected from Levi. That he wanted to try. He should always expect more of Levi because of course his boy would pass the bar. And Erwin had only set it low because of his opinion on the average twenty-something year old. Not Levi. 

"Okay." Erwin smiled slightly, hopeful, and clasped at Levi's shoulders. "That's wonderful, that's really good, Levi." He held his breath, smiling. A knot of happiness sprung free inside him, and Erwin leaned forward to squash a firm kiss to Levi's lips. It felt so good to do that again.

Even Levi was smiling when Erwin pulled away. He licked his lips and cleared his throat, blush not receded in the least. "So. Couples. Partners. Being serious adults about this."

Erwin nodded, pushing and playing with Levi's hair, letting himself marvel over Levi again. "Committing to this relationship, meaning we want it to work. We talk about it, where we're headed. Be willing to work with it and not just walk away."

"But I could, right? Walk away?" Levi asked.

Erwin nodded. "Of course. It might not work, and that's just that. What we do is make the effort. We think with, I suppose, marriage in mind." Erwins ears heated.

"But we go slowly," Levi sounded out, half unsure, half cautioned.

"Slowly," Erwin agreed.

"And if I'm bad at it?"

Truthfully, Levi's age did worry Erwin. It looked bad on paper. But Levi didn't worry Erwin. Not anymore, like he had, when Erwin had been cowardly. "Why are you here, Levi?"

Levi blinked then glared suspiciously. "I wanna be with you."

"And you're very good at being with me," Erwin assured. Levi rolled his eyes. "I'm serious, Levi." He kissed his tight frown. "You're so amazing. You already take care of me."

Levi softened and after a little huff, kissed Erwin back. "You take care of me too." He tugged at Erwin's shirt once before weaseling under his chin and against his chest to cuddle.

Erwin hummed. He missed this. "I want us to be better. To be able to count on each other. I want someone to love and be loved by, Levi."

Levi nodded. "But go slow."

"We'll go slow." Erwin didn't have time to waste, but slow wasn't wasting; it was investing. If he saw Levi putting in the effort to make this work, and he had the past four months of exemplary record for such effort, then Erwin was confident in him when he said he did want it. They could be on the same page finally.

"You're way richer than me," Levi blurted abruptly. 

Erwin looked down at him sharply. "And?"

Levi shifted. "And that's a thing. That's an unequal thing in this relationship."

Erwin gave it a minute, holding out for more of an explanation, but Levi didn't extrapolate. "Does that make you uncomfortable?" Levi had mentioned it at the beginning of their dating if more subtle, that he didn't like fancy places. They had mostly just been fucking at the time. The past month he didn't seem to mind when Erwin took him out to a high end place.

"Yeah. No. I don't know. I can't buy you really nice stuff or be able to pay rent if we lived some place like this or people are gonna think you're my sugar daddy."

"But I am your daddy," Erwin said flatly, eyes twinkling.

"You're such a jerk," Levi complained, flicking Erwin's nipple through his shirt. "I'm being _serious here,_ Erwin. You could be dating some bad ass exec. You're like, marrying down or whatever."

"You aren't a downgrade, Levi," Erwin frowned. 

"Yeah well, you're a super upgrade from my last boyfriend," Levi muttered. He picked at the buttons of Erwin's shirt.

"I'm fortunate enough that my partner's wealth isn't really interesting to me. I live very comfortably, and quite like the idea of sharing that with you."

Levi flicked him a look. "What, like you really wanna be a sugar daddy?"

Erwin smiled gently. "I like taking care of you. You're generally too prideful to ever spoil; actually, you spoil me. But I like when we go grocery shopping and you can buy the things you want. I like knowing you feel safe. I want to make you feel safe. Besides, you cook for me, and I love that."

Levi had stopped fidgetting and was now staring at Erwin with unguarded awe. Erwin met his look, smiled. Levi's nose crumpled up and then he seemed to burst. "I fucking missed you, Erwin."

"I missed you too. I'm so glad you're here, Levi." His persistent boy showing up, ready to fight for Erwin, knowing it'd be hard. Levi loved him enough to commit; it was an inspiring feeling. He followed it to its source and buried his face into the crown of Levi's head. 

Levi shook in his arms, forehead resting on Erwin's collarbone, hands clenching at his shoulders and relaxing to rub his chest in turn. "You must be crazy to think I wouldn't want you."

Erwin chuckled, throat a little thick but whole body warm. "Well what took you so long?"

"I guess," Levi turned his face to the side, nudging at Erwin before escaping his kisses. "I wanted to take a bit of time away to really think. Make sure anything I did was for the right reason. But I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life regretting not doing my damndest to love you."

Levi slid off Erwin's lap with a sigh. "But now that all that hard stuff is done, I'm gonna get some spring rolls."

Erwin supposed the messiest bit had been concluded for now. He picked up his beer again. "Bring the whole container over."

"So now you're going out if town for a few days," Levi said, sitting down again, munching delicately. "And you can spend it wishing you were I'm bed with me."

"Ah. Yes. That will be fun." Erwin sighed, reaching over him to get a spring roll. "Will you stay the night with me, Levi? My flight isn't until one."

Erwin looked at him, wondering if he presumed too much. Maybe they should take a few steps back-- "I'm not implying an--mmph."

He dropped the spring roll directly back into its container and buried his hands into Levi's hair, kissing back. Levi had sprung on him, but Erwin followed his movement with his own, a swipe of his tongue opening their mouths to connect. He inhaled through his nose, Levi's mouth sweet from coconut soup. Always sweet. Erwin licked at him hungrily, pulling Levi back into his lap where he decided Levi belonged. 

The kiss started fiercely but it never sped up, just got deeper, a little shaky. They clutched at each other, their faces, Levi upright on his knees, thighs clenching around Erwin, so he could bow over the kiss for once in his life, kiss down and into Erwin.

"I'm staying," Levi said when he drew away to catch his breath, eyes and lips dark. Erwin nodded and drug him back in, this time pulling his ass down to settle over his cock. Levi moaned immediately when he felt Erwin's hardness.

 "I want you all night, Erwin," he breathed, nosing into Erwin's cheek, eyelashes fluttering over his skin. "I missed you. I wanna be able to feel you when you're gone."

Erwin's heart thudded in the cage of his ribs. "Yes, yes, darling. I'll take care of you." He cradled Levi's hot face in his hands and planted soft kisses from his lips to his nose to his forehead. 

Levi licked his lips and nodded, like that was good, he'll accept that. He closed the inch between them to dart a quick tongue against Erwin's lips. "Your mouth is really spicey. It's not going on my dick." 

Erwin blew a raspberry on Levi's cheek to Levi's utmost horror and sat back to enjoy his offended expression.

"Pass me the spring rolls, please. Levi. Levi, come on, share with me. I thought you liked feeding me."

~~~

It was a long night. And then a long morning. Thank god he could sleep on the plane. Erwin couldn't remember being so refreshed after zero sleep. And sore. He was sore in places he didn't know to be sore.

In the kitchen he poured out a dark fragrant brew of espresso into pale blue cups. The milk foamer hissed noisily but must be endured. He licked espresso off his thumb and tipped in an eyeballed amount of steamed milk, stirring as quietly as possible. Dolloped on the milk foam and wiped away the excess from the edges with a paper towel. 

He dished butter and nutella into dishes respectively and stacked up a few croissants onto the serving board. His rent was worth living three blocks down from a bakery. He arranged everything and made his way to the bedroom, the mere expectation of feeding Levi giving him a high.

Levi was face down in the pillows, naked and sprawled out, his small body somehow managing to make the bed uninhabitable for two. Erwin set the tray on the nightstand and took to the edge of the bed.

There was a twitch. A pitiful noise. Erwin kissed down the valley of Levi's spine all the way to the dimples above his ass. This won a weak if appreciative hum.

"I smell coffee," Levi mumbled groggily.

"I made cappuccinos." Erwin smirked into Levi's skin when that immediately made him lift his head. He contented himself with nibbling at a choice lovemark he'd left on the round peak of Levi's left buttcheek. 

Levi rolling over dislodged him, but only temporarily, because then he had Levi's _hips_. Erwin pushed his thighs apart greedily, ignoring Levi's insincere and lazy protest. He followed a nebulae of hickies that traversed from the apex of his thighs and up to the dip against his gorgeous hipbones.

All this just to tease Levi, ignore his needy little cock last night. Now, Levi was content, docile, petting Erwin's hair and letting Erwin work his way up his entire body with critical eye and lip. 

"Morning, Daddy," Levi greeted when finally Erwin finished his exam with a few harmless bites to his neck. They were enough to make Levi's breath hitch but nothing more.

"Morning." He tucked Levi's bangs back. "You're okay to not be at work?"

Levi nodded. "Told Pixis I had some personal stuff. He's real soft on me." Levi tried to push himself up and failed with a grimace and a collapse. "God, what the fuck did we do last night."

Erwin helped him sit up and stacked pillows behind him. "Quite a lot. I think I developed new muscles."

Levi sniffed, but his droopy-eyed attention had diverted to starring longingly at the coffee cups. Erwin smiled and brought the tray over, setting it beside them.

"You're amazing. Thanks." Levi took up a cup with both hands but made a concerted effort to wiggle his toes appreciatively against Erwin's leg.

Levi's eyes fell shut when he took the first sip, milk foam bunchcing at his lips. He looked pristine even terribly rumpled. Erwin fell in love all over again with the slope of his nose and the fan of his lashes over lavender dark circles, the tragic chaos of his hair in the morning light.

"You're starring," Levi whispered, looking at him in return. Erwin flexed his hand on Levi's naked thigh and claimed his black bitter mouth. 

"I can't help myself," he murmured when their lips parted wetly, Levi gently stunned and blushing. Erwin had no desire to leave him for this trip whatsoever. 

Levi cleared his throat and hid behind his cup. "Sap." But he wiggled his toes again and let Erwin squeeze at them playfully.

They ate more bread than a body really needed and struggled to contain the nutella in any decent way. 

"I need to shower," Erwin eventually had to say. Levi pouted at him.

"Jamaica's international right? I can't even text you."

Erwin laid out a casual outfit to fly in. "There's email."

"Email? God. Maybe if I break my leg or something." He rolled into a ball, determined to look pathetic. "I'll just wait here and think of games we can play in bed."

Erwin hummed and glanced at him, smirking. "Keep your hands off yourself while I'm gone."

Levi blinked. "What?"

Erwin came over and rolled him into his back, untangling his limbs and spreading his legs. He jerked Levi's ankles so the boy ended up with his ass hanging off the edge of the bed, lined up with Erwin's crotch. Then he was bent in half, similar to last night, forced to fold, Erwin practically chest to chest with him and giving him a seering kiss. 

"Get all pent up for me," Eriwn clarified. "Think of what you want to do when I get home."

Levi drug his teeth over his bottom lip, a certain part of him clearly intrigued by this idea. But then his capricious boy had to wrinkle his nose. "Wanna wash these nasty sex sheets."

Erwin laughed at him and let him go, resuming his much delayed preparation. "Take my spare, do you worst."

"Your spare key?" Levi asked, more alert now. Erwin nodded and waved his hand.

"Could you, actually? I don't want my plants to die. And you can drink all my coffee and use my laundry machines or whatever you want."

"Throw a wild party."

"Yes, and that." Erwin shrugged and looked at him, smile in the corner of his mouth. "You can give the key back when I'm home. Unless we want to talk about it."

Levi pinched at the bedsheets and avoided looking at Erwin. "Slow."

"Slow," Erwin repeated. "But really. My sage is so temperamental these days, I worry it's dying."

"Okay. Plants. Gotchya."

Erwin lingered before the bathroom but Levi had determined not to lift his head. Slow, he repeated to himself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl this chapter is pwp

To: Erwinsmith@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: no prenup

If we get married and then get divorced can I have the espresso machine?

To: Leviackerman@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: no prenup

I miss you too, Levi.

To: Leviackerman@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: LEVI

Why did you not tell me you left a bite mark on my shoulder? My co-workers saw. 

To: Erwinsmith@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Re: LEVI

Wtf how did u not know it was there? You came when I bit you.

To: Leviackerman@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Re: LEVI

I didn't think it'd leave a mark. Did you do it on purpose?

To: Erwinsmith@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: LEVI

I'm just a pretty face not an evil mastermind. Besides who cares, at least you're getting laid. Tell them a small teething child attacked you if you must dishonor me to preserve what scant dignity you still possess after such indecent exposure.

 

To: Leviackerman@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: LEVI

You're too rich for my blood.

To: Erwinsmith@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: Re Re: Re: Re: Re: LEVI

On the contrary, my dear Daddy, I'm fucking broke. I'm in debt. I'm negative money.

 

To: Leviackerman@Gmail.com  
Cc:   
Subject: miss you

I wish you were here with me baby boy . You'd be such a distraction but I'd love it. The staff cleans the room everyday our sheets would be fresh for us to fuck on. I want to make you messy. You could sleep all morning and lie in the sun or swim. And the rum. I'm going to bring you here. just us. I'm going to fuck you the moment I get home.

To: Erwinsmith@Gmail.com  
Cc:  
Subject: Re: miss you

Sober Erwin better keep drunk Erwin's promises.

I'll start fingering my asshole now.  
Xoxo

~~~~

Levi welcomed Erwin home at his apartment. It felt so right to walk in to Levi there. Levi looked natural in Erwin's space. They held each other in a hug, longing for the affection cut short by the trip after they'd established the new territory of their relationship. 

"So it was good?" Levi asked, squeezed tight in Erwin's arms, feet lifted off the ground.

"Yes. It went well. Hanji's presentation went really well, I'm proud of them." Erwin set Levi down on his feet again. His place smelled good, like delicious food. And it looked clean. "You didn't really clean around here did you?"

The flat look Levi gave him screamed 'of course I did.' Erwin knew better. 

"Well thank you, I appreciate it. You didn't have to."

"I know," Levi said, scuffing his bare foot against Erwin's shoe. "Wanted to."

Erwin smiled fondly. "Did you make dinner too?"

Levi bobbed his head. He kept shifting his feet, looking around. "You're tanner."

Erwin raised his eyebrows. "Yes."

Levi looked at him finally. "All over?"

"No. I have bad tan lines, actually." _Someone_ had to give him an undignified mark. 

Levi went foot to foot, antsy. "Yeah? You should probably show me in the bedroom."

It was one of the most unsubtle come-ons Erwin had ever heard.

"You're making me nervous. Is someone in there ready to murder me?" Erwin backed away jokingly. 

Levi huffed, going red. "No - just -- I wanna show you something. Okay?" He finished with enough uncertainty that it hooked Erwin in.

 

"Is everything okay?" Erwin asked.

Levi smacked himself in the face. "Erwin, I wanna have sex. Like. now. I wanna know about your trip but -- oh my god stop laughing at me. You're the one who said you wanted to fuck when you got in the front door you ass."

Erwin covered his mouth and leaned against the wall. "I'm sorry. I'm not really. You're too cute."

Levi threw his hands up in the air. "Fuck you. All that hard work wasted."

Erwin bit his lip and stopped chuckling enough to ask: "what hard work?"

Levi cast him a sideways look. "Nuffin."

His voice didn't sound like nothing.

Erwin thought back to the emails. "Levi..."

Levi widened his eyes in mock innocence and took off for the bedroom, Erwin hot on his heels, suit case abandoned inside the doorway.

Levi squealed when Erwin tackled him into the bed, both of them bouncing, making the frame creak in complaint. They kissed, fast, messy, breathing hard in excitement for Levi's allusion. 

Clothes came off, bodies rubbed together. Levi wrestled his way on top of Erwin, sitting snugly in his lap and kissing his neck and chest with remarkable dedication to covering every inch with his lips. They rocked together leisurely, cotton underwear doing little to hide the heat and hardness they had for each other. 

Erwin rubbed Levi's back, muscle shifting under his hands, the soft sound of kisses and breathing surrounding him. Each roll of their hips warmed him, a wet spot sure to stain his underwear dark by the time they came off.

"Levi," Erwin moaned quietly. Levi licked his Adam's apple delicately, warned away from leaving anymore marks. "Levi. Levi, I want to ask you something."

"Is it important?" Levi sucked on Erwin's earlobe next, making Erwin buck, scratch at his back. It tickled. It drove Erwin mad. 

"Yes."

 "What is it, Daddy?" 

Erwin closed his eyes because of course Levi whispered into his ear a sinful mockery of politeness. The words slithered down his spine. Fuck his boy. Perfect boy. Erwin clenched his jaw as he found the perfect alignment of his cock between Levi's cheeks, rubbing up into him.

"Levi," Erwin forced his eyes open,  palmed Levi's cheek to turn him in to a kiss. "Can I come inside you?"

Levi's eyes widened and his lips went still against Erwin's for a heart stopping moment of rejection before Levi hummed noisily around the idea. His eyes closed again.

"It's so gross though..." His tone left room to be convinced. Erwin licked into his mouth, rhetoric on his tongue. He squeezed Levi's thighs, massaged them.

"I know it's selfish," he said, "but I want to feel you that way. And you might like it, feeling me in you after." He didn't exactly have an argument for it, nor would he go to any lengths to convince Levi to do something he didn't really want to do. So he was surprised when Levi smacked a loud kiss on his lips and sat back with a mild "okay."

"Okay?" Erwin mimicked. Levi grinned at the stupid look on his face and tweaked his nipple.

"Yeah, sure. I'll let you do it. But-"

"But?"

"But," Levi narrowed his eyes. "If you _ever_ call me 'creampie' as a term of endearment, I will enact a humbling revenge."

Levi waited for Erwin to stop laughing before he continued with his conditions.

"And you have to ask me to stick it in raw dog."

Erwin wheezed. "I'm not saying that."

Levi didn't budge. "Yes you are. You gotta ask me, seriously ask me, if you can stick it in raw dog or it's condoms forever."

Erwin rolled his eyes. "You're ridiculous." But no way in hell was he going to pass up the opportunity to fuck Levi full of come. The very idea of it was enough to bring him to his knees. 

Erwin cleared his throat, his mind. "Levi...Levi Ackerman, can I stick it in raw dog?"

Levi withheld his answer, ass hot over Erwin's....raw dog...for a perposterously long time before he nodded. "Yes you may."

Erwin pursed his lips and gave it ten more second before Levi started giggling. Absolutely worth it.

"You're so nasty," Levi accused, shaking with mirth beside Erwin. Erwin snapped the elastic of his underwear and curled up against him. 

"You love it." He nuzzled the back of Levi's neck and reached around his front to fondle his hard little cock through his underwear. "Besides, you couldn't wait to get me in bed."

Levi arched into his touch. "True."

Erwin kissed his neck, and after a few unsubtle tugs, got them both out of their underwear. Levi chewed on his lip, looking uncharacteristically embarrassed once he was naked.

Erwin peppered his face with kisses. "What's wrong?"

"I uh, uhm," Levi stammered. Erwin laid down against him.

"This about the surprise?" He guessed. He traced his fingers soothingly down Levi's back. Levi tucked down into the bed.

"What do you want to show me?" Erwin purred, lips sweet against Levi's ear, teeth not quite grazing his electric skin. Levi whined, embarrassment and desire spreading like a field of poppies down his back. Erwin pressed his nose into the bloom of skin, scenting the bleed of sex that Levi's blood currented through his veins. A fount of intoxication. The shudder that shook free from Levi's lungs rang up the bones of Erwin's teeth as he sank a bite into Levi's shoulder, all petty revenge.

"Erwin," Levi groaned, twisting into the bite. Erwin pinned him down, heat melting them together, pooling between so Erwin lost sight of himself in the press of Levi's skin. "Ow, fuck." 

The complaint hardly sounded honest, what with Levi shoving back his ass to beg against the curve of Erwin's cock.

Erwin licked over the grooves he left behind, kissing the mark with satisfaction. His spit gleamed on Levi's skin, the indent of his teeth shadowy notches of victory. Erwin loved to see himself in Levi, if only momentos of when they shared their bodies. "Show me what you did to yourself."

He rested easy beside Levi, watching his boy summon the courage to bare himself. Erwin kissed his bony shoulder and tickled his flinching side until Levi turned his face to Erwin. 

Erwin chuckled at the sour misery pinching up Levi's expression. "Show Daddy the surprise you have for him, little boy." 

Levi wanted to kill Erwin, teasing him like this. His boy hid his face into the pillow with an incoherent curse before he reached behind himself to spread one of his buttcheeks.

Erwin sat up, excitement tugging at the base of his spine. "Here, Levi?" He teased.

 His wide hand took hold of Levi's buttcheek, the soft skin gentleing his touch to something reverent. Levi left Erwin to it, drawing his own hand back to himself to grip the fresh bedsheets, waiting to be soiled and spoiled.

"Yes," Levi hissed, throat choked up. 

Erwin admired the shadowy cleft of Levi's barely parted cheeks, but he wanted so much more. He ached raw for Levi.

"Spread yourself better for me, boy, I can't see you," he ordered, eyes now a steady weight on the peeking corner of Levi's face. He watched Levi rise and shrink with a breath before he squirmed against the bed: rubbing his own hard little prick into the sheets, eager for the game.

"Yes, Daddy," he whispered, batting the pillow away from his head so he could lay his cheek down comfortably and grope back with both hands to grab each round buttcheek and spread them wide, fingers digging dimples into his skin.

Erwin's breath hitched at the sight revealed to him. Levi really had fingered himself. His hole shone with visible lube, already puffy from Levi stretching himself, gaping enticingly. "Oh...," Erwin admired dumbly, "Fuck."

Levi grunted, unimpressed by the admiration, and went to let his ass go. Erwin caught him in time. "No, keep holding yourself."

"Erwin," Levi complained. His hands flexed, nails biting into the skin of his ass.

"I'm not done looking," Erwin said hotly. He ran the tip of his finger from the cleft of Levi's ass down his crack, over his greedy hole and to the back of his sac. Levi rubbed himself into the bed and held himself open against the urge to hide and close away.

Erwin licked his bottom lip, looking down at Levi like a starved man. "Good boy. That's so good."

He planted his hands on either side of Levi's hips and tucked his chest down low, worked kisses up Levi's back. "You're so good, Levi. So good to me. For me." He couldn't remember chemistry like this between him and any previous partners before.

Levi twisted his neck to kiss him when Erwin got his face. His obediance lasted until Erwin met his lips and then Levi was rolling onto his back and tangling hands behind Erwin's neck to kiss him close with.

 "And here I thought," Levi said between a pleasantly sharp drag of teeth, "I was being a bad boy."

Erwin held him snug, smiling into the kiss. "Maybe. An evil mastermind with ah-- lots of teeth."

Erwin drew back to suck on  His bottom lip, a bite stinging. "Too many teeth."

Levi nipped the air in front of him with a click, a show of incissors. "You bit me too."

Erwin arches an eyebrow. "Yes. I'm beginning to think that won't due for a reprimand." He took Levi's chin in hand, daring to tease his thumb against Levi's lips.

Levi allowed this, content. He sparkled with something -- glee, mischief. Love. Erwin felt at once both comfort and exhilaration in bed with him. 

Levi flicked his tongue out against Erwin's thumb, impatient. "So spank me next time I'm a bad boy, Daddy. Maybe I'll learn."

They shared a charged look and a million fantasies flew through Erwin's head, but he stayed present. "Maybe I will. But right now I want to know what my _good_ boy did while he waited for me."

His tone curbed Levi back into place, moved their thoughts in sync because when Erwin sat back between Levi's thighs once more, Levi rolled over again and knelt with his ass up in perfect show. He stretched out, slumped, presented himself lazily. Spoiled boy.

Erwin adored him so.

He put a thumb to Levi's hole and didn't it just slip in like a hot knife through butter. Levi rocked back and sucked Erwin to the base without a problem. Fuck. Fuck, he was ready for cock, for Erwin's cock.

Erwin rubbed his insides, sweat breaking out on his forehead. His cock throbbed, heavy between his legs, want blazing in him. He could sink right in, one thrust, bury himself in Levi.

"How many fingers did you take?"

"Four."

Erwin pulled his thumb out, coated in lube. He rested his fingers against Levi's hole to feel the heat radiating from his body before he pushed three in. Still tight, and this time Levi hissed, rocking away from the intrusion before he relaxed.

"That's only three of my fingers," Erwin said. He drew out again; he left him empty, watched Levi close up over nothing and twitch.

"Your hands are best," Levi said with a shake of his head, readjusting his weight. Erwin got off the bed, patting his butt as he passed, and got the almost empty bottle of lube out of the nightstand drawer.

"If they're best, then why did you finger yourself open?" Erwin asked, taking his seat and snapping open the lube.

There was a thoughtful silence before Levi answered, voice playful, saccharine sweet. "Because I knew Daddy would want to fuck me when he got home."

Erwin hummed like he was thinking it over and put the nozzle of the lube into Levi's hole. He didn't squeeze the tube, let Levi feel it. Heard his gasp. 

Between Levi's legs, his cock leaked on the bed.

"You're telling me you made yourself pussy wet for Daddy to fuck?"

You would have thought Erwin had shoved his dick in the way Levi moaned over the words. He bucked his hips back, like he planned on fucking the bottle of lube if Erwin didn't fuck him soon. "Yes."

Erwin squeezed the bottle, cold gel on hot insides making Levi jolt. Erwin tossed the bottle away and hastily pressed two fingers in, pushing the lube further into Levi. He used the mess on his hands to slick his own cock, wincing in a space between relief and pain at his touch.

"You did this just for Daddy? Or did my boy do this for himself?" Erwin prompted as he stared at Levi's positively fucking dripping asshole. He worked a hand over himself, slick and easy. 

Levi moaned into the bed, shaking his head.

"No? You didn't finger fuck yourself until you could take me?"

"Daddy, please."

Erwin groaned low in his throat and tightened his hand over the head of his cock before he forced his hand away, going back to touching Levi. He hoisted his hips up higher and corkscrewed three fingers into him, deep and fast, pumping them expertly. Levi cried out, spreading his knees for Erwin.

"Please what, baby boy?"

Levi wrestled with himself. "Fuck me."

Erwin hooked his fingers to rub Levi's prostate. His boy sounded so good begging. "I am fucking you. I'm giving you my fingers just like you gave yourself."

Erwin smirked at a barely concealed "God fucking damnit," Levi muffled into the bed. Levi fucked himself back against Erwin's fingers

"I want your cock," Levi spat. "Fuck me with your giant cock."

Erwin bit Levi's buttcheek and slowed his fingers to still, pads resting over the bump of Levi's prostate. "That didn't sound very nice." He reached between Levi's thighs to hold him tightly in hand. Levi panted raggedly at his touch. "You can do better than that."

"Erwin..."

"Or you won't get anything," Erwin added, stroking him slow and tight.  

Levi sobbed out his resistance. "Fuck me. God, Erwin. Please? Please, Daddy, please fuck me with your cock. I missed you so bad."

Erwin pressed his face into Levi's back, practically undone by the begging. "Yes, yes, I'll fuck you. I've got you."

With little effort beyond self control, Erwin rolled Levi over and looked on with rapture at his dazed and needy face. Levi thrusted up into the air, hard and leaking all over himself. It took a second for each other them to gather themselves enough to come together, Erwin guiding his way into Levi, uncensored. Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin, slim chest huffing for breath.

Erwin all but fell into Levi, as wet and stretched as he was. They met flush with a mirrored groan. Looked at each other.

Levi was a sight, sweaty and red, eyes half lidded, dark as night, lips bitten red and swollen. His body fit Erwin like a glove, blissful. His heartbeat seemed to pound against the tip of Erwin's cock.

"I love you," Erwin said, leaning down slowly to kiss him, to rest their foreheads together.

The smile Levi pushed up against his lips was magnificent.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will pick up where this one left off. but the dialogue was making me crazy so I wanted to break it up. Also I always write drunk characters while drunk lmao

Levi flicked through a series of badly dated, shuffled, mislabeled manilla envilopes containing receipts upon receipts, notes and IOUs, checks and paystamps, bills, loans...and the account information for way too much money.

"Pixis, I'm not an accountant." Was that a dry cleaning bill for $13.59 from two years ago?

God.

"Sure you are," Pixis assured, patting Levi on the back. "Math major equals accounting unless you have a PhD. You're my every-man. My da Vinci."

"I'm your PA." Levi scowled at him. Pixis didn't mind the look at all.

"And I personally need your assistance organizing this," he stressed, all up Levi's personal space the way old people get, hand tight on Levi's shoulder. "I even have a little note pad for you; the first page has my financial manager's contact information. Just log it all. Make me an informed spreadsheet of my expenses, money coming in and out."

Levi rubbed the wrinkled space between his eyebrows and nodded. This crazy old man..."yeah, okay." Not like he had a choice. "I'm gonna make you a concrete filing system though, so this shit," Levi tapped the clusterfuck of folders, "doesn't happen again."

"That's a good boy," Pixis said, completely innocent with the phrase, jostling Levi amicably. "That's what I like. A little vinegar."

Levi barelly suppressed a shudder. He pictured Erwin bald with a mustache. Terrible. Levi would bath him in Rogaine. He should really find out what Erwin's parents look like, get a little perspective.

"How about a drink, hmm? A little something to take the edge off the numbers?" Pixis was already walking away to his office to break out some bottle. Levi gulped. He hoped he at least got ice in the glass. 

To: The soulmate  
I can't even complain to u properly because u can't check ur phone. Wtf. I want a divorce.

Pixis returned and plunked a thick cut glass down on Levi's desk. Levi put his phone down and eyed it wearily.

"It's bubbly. Why is it bubbly?" Levi picked it up and sniffed it. Smelled sweet, looked brown. He grew even more suspicious. 

"Try it."

Levi squinted at Pixis but took a sip anyway. Whatever it was, it was fucking delicious. He smacked his lips and looked skeptical to avoid giving Pixis the satisfaction of his pleasure.

"S'good," he said mildly. "What's in it?" It could be one his new favorite drink to make Erwin buy him at the bar. Like hell he could afford whatever Pixis put in this.

Pixis didn't quite grin, but it was there in his eyes. "I'll tell you after you finish filing all your work. Oh, and Levi, pick up my dry cleaning at 2."

"If it's another," he flipped open the folder and checked the receipt. "Bill for $13.59 then I'm quitting," he threatened to Pixis's indifferent retreating form.

He totally wasn't quitting. He drank his mystery drink and opened excel.

At almost precisely noon, Levi's phone rang. He picked it up without looking at it, squashed it between cheek and shoulder.

"Hey, Petra," he said, all gravelly from not talking much that morning.

"What do you have to complain about now?" she asked, faux-exasperated.

Levi clicked his tongue. "Dont sound too interested, sheesh. Would you believe my boss is making me do work?"

Petra gasped. "No!"

"Uh-huh."

"Stop typing, I can't hear you."

Levi did so and held the phone properly. "How's your day going?"

"Okay. No one fell asleep during covalent bonds."

"Totally don't know what that is," Levi huffed. "There are eight year olds smarter than me."

"Levi, it's tenth grade. They're sixteen. They're as old as you look. And taller."

"Holy shit, Pet, way to go for the low hanging fruit," he drawled, unbothered.

"Whatever, you're fine. Anywhoozle," she sing-songed, "are you and Erwin doing anything tonight?"

Levi leaned back in his chair and slumped. "Nah. Not officially. He's been working even later than normal since coming back from his _work_ trip." He didn't see why Erwin had to spend so much time squinting over company reports to make up for lost time he spent doing other company work.

"Oh! Right! Great!"

Levi frowned. "No, not great. I haven't seen him all week." Weekends were his and Erwin's time. Levi missed the giant lug.

"Right, right," Petra said, going for conciliatory but not quite getting there. "But now we can totally go to the Autumnal Concert at the park."

Levi outright gasped. "Holy shit, I forgot. Yes. Yes we can."

"And drink spiked cider--"

"And buttered rum and pumpkin ale!"

"Yes yes yes," Petra laughed. "Good. Great."

"I'm gonna blow so much cash there," Levi sighed, not even regretting the bad decisions already forming in his head. 

"It's for the community. Think of the children."

Levi snorted. "Right. The children who can do chemistry better than I can."

To: Erwin  
Going out with Petra tonight. R u working late again?

From: Erwin  
Unfortunately. You two have fun. 

To: Erwin  
Thanks. Tryyyyy to get some sleep tonight. And hydrate. No more coffee after 3 okay?

From: Erwin  
Remind me of that at 3 when I'm face down on my desk.

To: Erwin  
Face down ass up

From: Erwin  
I set myself up for that one.

~~~

That night, the Autumnal Concert found Levi and Petra alcohol-warm, cuddling on a blanket, nursing their thermoses of spiked cider. Petra had a group of surprisingly talented students in a band that had actually been invited to play as the opener for the more formal but no less ("festivally fresh") city orchestra.

Apparently, there was a featured mandolin player. Boy howdy doo.

But right now, all Levi cared about was snuggling Petra. He was warm and loose-limbed. His feet felt heavy from alcohol, his mouth tasted like cinnamon and apples and rum. Petra smelled like cotton candy.

Levi sniffed her hair. "You smell like a baby prostitute."

"Shut up, it was on sale."

She let her weight drop back and smush Levi down into the blanket, a shoulder blade making unhappy company with his pec. He shifted, adjusted them until they both fell together comfortably. 

"Where do these kids buy ukeleles?" Levi complained up to the sky as the high pitched twang twinged to a tune in the air. 

"I like it. Compliments the kazoo." Petra chuckled atop him and Levi couldn't help his own smile. He tightened his arm around her, drowsy.

"You're a goof....this is nice."

Petra sighed. "Yeah. It is." She rolled off him to beside him, noses touching. Levi wiggled his against hers  and kissed it on impulse. The kazoos zipped, somehow not unpleasant. Petra buried her face into Levi's new red and cream scarf, the one Erwin bought him in Jamaica. 

"I've missed you," she said into the folds of woven cotton.

Levi frowned. "Yeah? You see me everyday."

"But we haven't done someethong together like this in a month practically." Levi could sense by her tone that more was coming. Petra was a fighter. Her punches hit with honesty, so he buckled down. "I know you're not at Erwin's a lot, cumulatively speaking, but every weekend you disappear and we work all week. So I miss actually doing things with you that involve leaving the apartment."

Levi nodded, guilt wiggling in his gut with the chastisement. "Did you like the gallery opening I took you to?"

Petra shrugged. "You were working, I was mostly alone and creepy old men were hitting on me."

Levi winced. Right. PA turned into event coordinating when you worked for Dot Pixis, but damn his resume was going to be fantastic. "But free champagne," he offered weakly.

"You know, if Erwin hit on me, I'd call him a creepy old man," Petra plowed on.

This now gave Levi pause. "If Erwin ever hit on you I'd fuck him up."

"You'd break up with him?" She sounded...curious.

"Pet, if my old ass boyfriend hit on you, I would eat him alive."

Petra clumsily reached tried to pat Levi on the head. She nearly poked him in the eye. "That's the sweetest thing someone's ever said to me."

Levi rolled his eyes so violently it hurt his brain.

"But you agree?" Petra asked.

"On what?"

"That Erwin's old."

Levi stared at her. "I mean, yeah, I guess. Forty four isn't ancient but yep, he's old."

Petra searched his face. "And you're really dating him intending to settle down?"

Levi frowned and sat up,  blanket crumpled under his hands, thermos knocked over but not spilled. "Yes. I am."

Petra knew he was. Levi had talked to her about it when Erwin had thrown that card on the table. "Why?" He asked suspiciously.

Petra shrugged, an unconvincing motion of indifference. "You just threatened to eat him alive."

She watched Levi watch her. He looked away, at some middle aged couple. They looked content.  Levi tore up grass and rolled it between his palms. "To defend your honor."

"Honor," Petra howled, clapping a hand over her left eye.  
~~~  
Levi fidgetted his way through a bowl of Kraft Mac and cheese before Petra, beautiful wonderful kind Petra, sighed loudly and looked at him sideways.

"Do you wanna go to Erwin's?" She asked.

"We're hanging out," Levi mumbled. His pumpkin ale wasn't very good but he sucked off the head anyway. Petra watched him with a flat, unamused expression as Levi borderline fellated the bottle.

"Do you run on a dick sucking timer or something?"

Levi splayed his fingers against his mouth and wiggled his tongue between them lewdly.

"I forgot what a mess you are. Fine, go," they were only watching Friends on Netflix.

Levi put his beer and empty bowl on the coffee table and crawled into Petra's lap. "I'm only messy for you, Pet."

"Ew, Levi, don't try to lick me after you just mimed eating pussy."

Levi squealed when she landed a good jab to his kidney. "But I love you," he gasped, letting himself slide to the floor pathetically. He sputtered when Petra shoved a foot in his face.

But she was laughing, so he didn't mind. "Go, text me when you get to his building."

Levi pounded back his beer and stacked dishes in the sink before he left.  
~~~~~

He had the key to Erwin's place, but it felt wrong to use it with Erwin possibly inside. It felt like an intrusion. They hadn't talked about it, so swept up in the carnality of their love that they forgot the slow caution of communication and wiser thoughts. Instead, the key stayed kept, jingling each morning on Levi's keyring and sat now in the pocket of his coat. Levi refused to take it out. He drummed his knuckles staccato on Erwin's door instead, tapping out his request for permission to the tune of This is Halloween as though he likened himself a cartoon spectre. 

When it inevitably opened, with Levi rum-slumped against the door, he fell inside. Instinct prompted him to grapple onto the thick muscled chest of his permissor.

"Damn, papa bear, you thick," Levi crooned in magnificent glory. 

"I'm flattered," an alien voice said.

"Levi!" Came the startled cry of Erwin, and clarity overcame him to realize that the man he was practically groping was not his papa bear, not Erwin, but a barely familiar bearded face.

"Shit, fuck, sorry," Levi gasped, stumbling backwards, Erwin quick to reach his side and steady him. Levi looked up to him. The hard grip on his shoulder not so much grounding as shackling.

"So this is the one?" The bearded man with an excellent body teased, a tight smile on his lips.

"This is Levi," Erwin confirmed, voice lacking the proud enthusiasm that always accompanied Levi's name when they were together. Mulled cider bubbled in Levi's stomach alongside curdled orange cheese.

The person Levi would come to know as Hanji spat out a mouthful of drink, coughing and laughing gracelessly. "Oh my god," they exclaimed. "Oh my god."

Levi drove his teeth into his bottom lip, embarrassment hammering the blood on his face, behind his eyes. Erwin's hand was so heavy on his shoulder.

"I'm drunk," Levi said, casting searching eyes up to Erwin. "Me and Petra were at the concert and I wanted to see if you were home."

Erwin nodded and he looked calm, a soothing hand on Levi's cheek, but he was red with embarrasment and his eyes didn't glow. "That's okay. I decided to have company over after work knowing you were busy," he said, chastisement all wrapped up in his words. Levi should have texted, asked over instead of assuming. Levi clenched his teeth.

 "These are my friends, Levi. This is Mike," who Levi knew of, the huge handsome man, (distantly familiar from the bar, he had been with Erwin before they started talking) then a lean curly haired person, "his partner Nanaba, and the ever brilliant Hanji."

Levi nodded, mind tripping over itself. Erwin's friends, dear friends. Colleagues. "I've heard uhm, good things. About you......nice tans."

Erwin sighed behind him and ruffled his hair before tucking Levi's burning hot face into his chest. "A moment, sorry," he said above Levi to the others, swooping them around and walking Levi out into the hall.

Levi held onto him, mouth wide on the thick cotton of Erwin's button down, sticky messy almost-tears stewing in him. "I fucked up."

"It's fine," Erwin said firmly, like it wasn't fine but there was nothing to be done. Levi was here, he must be dealt with. The fact that Levi was meeting his friends for the first time, almost half a year later from the day they first slept together, escaped neither of them.

Erwin didn't look at him with wonder but like a problem that needed dealt with. Damage control. Or maybe Levi was just projecting.

Levi swallowed, anger and shame a thick medley in his throat, clogging up the space around his tonsils. "I can leave. I didn't mean to intrude."

Erwin flexed the hand on Levi's shoulder so his fingers dug into his neck. "That won't do," he seemed to say to himself. Then his eyes came into focus anew. "Don't be ridiculous. You're staying. Is Petra home safe?" At Levi's nod, he nodded back. "Good."

Erwin took in a long noisy breath through his nose, the kind that reminded Levi of exasperated teachers and parents who wondered where they went wrong. 

Levi swallowed tightly. "Are you mad at me?" Which, God, he was drunk and it made him feel thin and vulnerable. Like behind Erwin's door were monsters instead of the comfortable setting he knew so well.

"Am I mad?" Erwin repeated, sounding out the sentence of a sentence, his anger a golden axe. Levi shoved his face into Erwin's chest, ankles wobbly. Erwin, blessedly, didn't miss a beat and hugged Levi. "I'm not mad at you, Levi. I'm embarrassed, but no, not mad."

"I called your friend papa bear," Levi wailed, almost laughing.

Erwin made a choked noise and pet his hair. "Mike's been called worse. It's not like they will assume we -- that we play any particular games of that sort."

"Games," Levi nodded, nose rubbing over a button. Erwin still half wearing his work clothes was a beautiful thing. "Kay. Sorry though. You thick. You my thick papa bear. Big ol Daddy."

Erwin chuckled, and it felt okay again. "Stop talking, Levi."

Levi slurred a grievance into Erwin's chest.

"We're only chatting. It's not anything exciting, if you want to go to bed before me."

Erwin knew Levi got sleepy as much as he got horny drunk, and the offer was thoughtful, if Levi wasn't so sure that Erwin probably just didn't want to deal with him.

"I should meet your friends," Levi said stubbornly. He wondered if Erwin wanted to refuse.

"Let's go back inside," Erwin ordered softly, separating them and leading Levi back into his apartment.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support it really helps :*
> 
> Also thank you from fractalbright look her up

Hanji pounced on them once the door closed, or more specifically pounced on Levi. Maybe they were drunk too; he'd actually be grateful for a comrade. His desire for a drunken alliance weighed heavily against the sudden invasion of his personal space -- which fuck you, Erwin, walking away with a smirk and leaving him here to die --

"That was the funniest thing I have ever vicariously experienced in years," Hanji enthused, holding onto Levi's limp noodle hand. "Levi, wow, you're a baby; this is amazing."

Levi grimaced. "Glad to make your night." He searched past Hanji's radiant expression for Erwin. He had a tumbler of something brown and nasty; Levi wrinkled his nose. Bourbon kisses tonight, it seemed.

(And yet, he didn't really mind. God, he loved when Erwin got a little liquored up. He got handsy and whiney. It was what reeled Levi in that first night they met. Lazy blue eyes and wet kisses...)

He came back to himself when he noticed Hanji holding back laughter and playing with his fingers like they were intimate friends. "Maybe you need water," Hanji suggested.

Levi stole his hand back carefully. Nodded. "Sure yeah."

Hanji, who now when he looked at them didn't look particularly old, maybe just horribly tired, smiled gently. "Water's good. Hydration is the key to healthy living."

"Oh boy," Nanaba mumbled, omniscient to Hanji's spiel.

"A clean and reliable water source and modern sanitation and waste disposal is the first step to building a community out of poverty."

If Hanji had a tail, it'd be wagging in expectation. Ah. They were kind of cute. 

"Millennium goals " Levi said, "I agree. Makes sense."

He snuck a glance at Erwin who.....tipped his head in gentle acknowledgement, a pat on the back that Levi craved in this situation of discomfort.

Erwin's attention didn't last though. Mike nudged him, close at his side, and offered a shiny, engraved cigar case to him.

"We'll be on the balcony," Erwin said to the room. Levi blinked.

"I didn't know you smoked," he said, head tilted. 

"He does with me," Mike said, sipping from his own tumbler. The two of them made quite the picture, strapping made-men: American Dream boys. 

And Erwin simply let Mike answer for him with a lift of his lips, a look of permission. "Just cigars," he added.

"Enjoy polluting the environment. And your lungs," Hanji jeered. "Your body is your temple."

Levi watched them head out to the balcony and close themselves off from the party with the slide and latch of the glass door. A dismissal. And despite it being just the two of them out there, they still stood close together to confer in conspiratorial tones with the city-lit black around them. A flame came into creation in the space between them, an ochre apple red glow throwing their strong faces into relief, fluttering. Mike lit Erwin's cigar, said something - Erwin shook his head, puffing furiously at his cigar until the fat end glowed and he faded ghostly in a plume of smoke.

 

"So Levi," Nanaba said, interrupting Levi's woozy observation, tearing his black hawk eyes back to he interior, the company at present. At his far-away frown, Nana clicked their tongue at him. "Oh, don't mind them. Or Mike. He's been in a mood since that fishing trip the other month."

Was that really a month ago? Fuck,  it was. Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not minding them," he grumbled.

Glasses clunked. Levi looked to the kitchen to see Hanji juggling a beer and trying to pour water from the filter into a cup with what was clearly not their dominant hand. "I can get that," he fussed.

"Hush, I have this. You're a guest," Hanji said.

"So are you," he pointed out.

"Yes, well our dear Erwin is a terrible host. You hear that, Erwin!"

Erwin from outside heard Hanji's yell and only turned his head to make sure nothing had been lit on fire before resuming his conversation with Mike.

"They're gossiping," Nanaba said, dropping down onto the couch and eating a piece of salami from a tray, Erwin's mediocre attempt at entertaining. Levi rolled his eyes. He was sure there were mini quiches in the freezer. "Mike's such a boob. Damn -- I should have gotten the ginger mustard." They inspected the jar on the coffee table. 

Levi sipped his cold water and tried to force himself into sobriety. Hanji gently pushed him to the couch, down into the seat next to Nanaba. The company of others made this familiar place boogeymanned. 

"You were the people with the mustard party," Levi guessed.

Nanaba raised their eyebrows, chewing. "That was us." Their face turned sharp and curious. "How long have you two been together?"

"Long enough to give him a hickie before Jamaica," Hanji snorted. "Wait. Maybe that was the funniest thing to happen to me this year..."

Shouldn't they know? 

"Has Erwin not said?" He asked, fishing.

Nanaba didn't change their face into something softer, stayed poised. "There were allusions to him seeing someone, and Mike apparently had a clue that it was the same twi--guy Erwin met at the bar, but you, Levi, are a perfect mystery."

Levi looked at his cup of water, the distorted cream and pink of his hands through the glass. Erwin didn't talk about him. Just a twink he met at the bar.

Maybe the hickie had less to do with professionalism and everything to do with Levi being an unavoidable fact in his life.

"According to him, two weeks," Levi said tersely. 

He sipped his water for a long time while Nanaba and Hanji felt around the tension. They did their best to be polite and friendly, focusing on Levi, clearly viewing him as a curiosity and a child. Hanji wanted to flutter around him while Nanaba seemed to hold back. 

Levi for his part fought to make each word crisp, but he mumbled and cursed despite himself, probably half of what he was saying dodgey at best. They had no authority over him but he felt beneath them, overly aware of their advances and status in comparison with his fresh novelty in adulthood.

He really _liked_ his job despite how silly it seemed; it paid well, and he knew he was making tons of connections. It was good, he was doing well for himself, but Nanaba and Mike were married and had a house and travelled to _Europe_ , and Hanji had three degrees. Erwin was the fucking bottom bitch to a CEO, next in line for it, and Mike ran his own department. 

Thank fuck for when the door got opened for Levi to gush about Petra finally, and then he couldn't shut up.

"She's a chemist? Bring her to me," Hanji said very seriously, eyes gleaming behind their glasses.

"If she's cute, keep her far away," Nanaba warned with a small laugh.

"She's the cutest," Levi said proudly. 

Hanji huffed. "Let me rescue her from academia. I tried academia. There is no hope."

Levi winced. "Maybe. She really likes teaching..."

"Not for long," Hanji whispered cryptically. 

He hadn't been left alone with Hanji and Nanaba for terribly long - maybe an hour? - when Erwin and Mike came back inside. They were chuckling about something and shaking out their hands grown just slightly chilled in the early fall night. 

Mike passed his empty tumbler to Erwin and bee-lined for the couch, falling down heavily beside Nanaba. He had seemed nothing but aloof previously, troubled even, but he kissed behind Nanaba's ear like a happy man. Nanaba put a possessive hand on his thigh and gave him what approximated to a warning look about some secret topic that Mike smiled dopily to in response.

Levi twisted around in the couch to look back for Erwin, searching, wanting. Erwin was pouring himself and Mike new glassses; Levi turned forward and assumed a look of indifference before Erwin could catch him looking.

Levi maintained his indifferent facade even as Erwin sat down beside him, drink passed to Mike. An arm fit around his shoulders and pulled him snug to Erwin's chest. Levi bit the inside of his cheek, resistance crumbling in the smell of tobacco and clean Bleu de Chanel, sweat and detergent. He stuck his nose into Erwin's armpit, for the smell of Erwin never disappointed him.

"You wore him out," Erwin said to his friends whom he'd left Levi with when he was in a poor state for socializing and now he spoke of like some cute pet. He rubbed Levi's arm and talked over and around him.

"I'm sure you won't mind," Nanaba teased. Levi pushed his face deeper into Erwin's shirt, huffed, chewed on his own self-inflicted silence.

Thankfully, though, Erwin didn't bother Levi or fuss. If he had dared to, Levi would have bitten him, witnesses or not. Levi couldn't decide if he liked that or not, how Erwin didn't fuss....But he nodded off too soon to dwell on it.

This little fact only became clear to him when Erwin tried picking him up after everyone had left. Levi made a disgruntled noise, weight leaving the couch and into Erwin's firm arms. His head dropped forward onto Erwin's shoulder. 

"What's happening?" he slurred. His mouth tasted pasty, like his stupid ass ate glue. He hoped not.

"You passed out cold," Erwin said casually, walking them into his bedroom. Levi's bodyweight didn't hamper him in the least. This would please Levi later.

"Oh." 

He fell asleep on Erwin in front of people. That should probably be more embarrassing, but Levi was pretty sure he was at the bottom of an embarrassment landfill already after the Mike thing. "I'm mad at you."

"You are?" Erwin laid him in bed. Levi in turn wrapped his legs around his waist and yanked him down with him. "Levi!"

Erwin fell on top of him, heavy and uncomfortable. Just hours ago he'd been in a similar state with Petra, softer and yielding with her squishy lady bits. Erwin crouched over him, baffled, his annoyance pinned back by confusion over Levi's tantrum.

Levi groaned because it _was_ a tantrum. He rolled over onto his stomach, shunning Erwin. Of course, this was Erwin, Erwin who liked to get under his skin, get _inside_ Levi. Erwin salivated for the chance to wedge under Levi's nails, like bamboo and grime, something he couldn't wash away or shake off.

And Levi wanted him too.

So when Erwin made a long thoughtful sound, rich in patience and indulgence, Levi held his breath. When Erwin touched his thick fingers to the back of Levi's neck to loosen the scarf Levi had been wearing for hours, Levi lifted his head just enough for Erwin to slip it free; the room air hit his neck, cool, made him feel naked. 

"What could you possibly be mad about?" Erwin asked, not expecting an answer. This was not Levi's anger that he knew. 

And it wasn't anger, Levi realized, even as he squirmed and squeaked weakly at a few probing ticklish touches to his side's. He wasn't angry, he was embarrassed. Of himself.

He should ask the troubling thought: why have you never spoken about me? Why had Levi been kept in the closet? And not even a text to say if you're free tonight to come by.

Erwin hadn't wanted Levi there.

"Le-vi," Erwin whispered, nosing at the part of his hair. A kiss to his scalp. A kiss to the knob of his spine.

Levi hesitated, licked his lips, tongue catching on the cotton pillowcase. Then he turned his head. 

Erwin was warm and waiting, crows feet tender lines, skin kissing skin when he smiled. He raised his bushy brows, curiosity and concern playing light in his eyes.

Levi nudged his face closes until his nose smooshed into Erwin's bold aquiline nose.

He didn't ask a single thing he ought to.

"Levi," Erwin said softly, eyes looking down past the ski-slope of Levi's nose to his pale lips.

Levi pinched his mouth, pursed it, taunted with it while he internally reeled with sudden consciousness of his own heartbeat. Erwin made him dizzy. Levi turned over onto his back, Erwin moving enough so that Levi could sprawl and spread beneath him.

"I came by to give you a sloppy blowjob," he complained, exasperated, false and careless,  "and was even gonna let you come in my mouth cause I thought maybe it'd be a complimentary flavor to the buttered rum I'd been drinking."

Erwin frowned, searching his eyes, not taken in. Looking for a naked truth. 

"Cause it'd be nutty," Levi added. He held his dry contemptuous humor until the corner of Erwin's mouth lifted - that damning little smirk.

"I see," Erwin said. Levi held his breath until he was sure Erwin had shifted gears: lazy lidded, eyes back on Levi's lips. 

"Mhm," Levi affirmed, sitting up and catching Erwin in a kiss. Citrus and pepper, a film of heavy mouthful tasting tobacco. He broke the kiss with a wrinkled nose. Erwin used one hand to guide him back into another.

"No, you're gross," Levi mumbled against his lips, turning away. Erwin kissed his jaw, nibbled, the good white sharp of his teeth delicious. Fuck though, Erwin knew how to win him over. Levi's eyes slipped shut.

"I'm a gross old man," Erwin said, making a wet trail down Levi's throat. "Remember?"

Levi nodded with a sigh, toes curling in his socks. "Right. Gross. Lusting after me. Fucking gross."

Erwin laughed. "Eloquent and insulting." He paid his appreciation with a hungry wet kiss right on Levi's Adam's apple.

"Fuck," Levi hissed. Erwin was way too satisfied about it. Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin once more and rolled them both over with a grunt. He settled heavily on Erwin's hips, hands pinning his chest down.

"You're very strong," Erwin admired.

"Says you. What the fuck is Mike, by the way? He's built like a brick shithouse." Levi rubbed his ass in circles over Erwin's crotch just to annoy him.

Erwin tensed, rolling his hips up. "He's always been like that. Let's not talk about Mike right now, darling."

Well at least Levi wasn't the only one Erwin didn't want to talk about.

Erwin rubbed Levi's thighs and moved to hold his hips to drive them together more firmly. 

"I wanna shower," Levi said.

"Right now?" Erwin didn't stop, fingers creeping up under Levi's shirt and up further to touch his nipples. They pebbled instantly, the little fuckers.

Levi shivered; Erwin smirked. 

"Yup. Right now," he decided, getting off Erwin as smoothly as possible and fleeing the bed, leaving Erwin as baffled as he was hard. Levi closed the bathroom door behind him and locked it with a click, breath rushing out of him. 

Erwin's knock came only a second after, a tat-tat-tat snare tap of knuckles. "Are you okay?" Erwin asked, worried. The creak of the floor gave his shifting weight away. Levi watched the shadow move under the door.

"Yeah," Levi said. He was being irrational, worrisome. _Stop throwing a fit, idiot_. It just makes everything worse.

 He unlocked the bathroom door and opened it some. Erwin waited, expression smooth aside from the pinched lips, pinched brows. Levi scuffed his toes against the carpet edge as it appeared in the bedroom. 

"Are you mad?" Erwin asked softly, trying to find the thorn wounding Levi. Trying, trying. Slow, gentle. Erwin would never.....

Levi shook his head. "Nuh-uh. Just feel weird. Wanna shower." He rested his head against the door frame. 

Erwin stressed his enormous brows, unsatisfied but hopefully misled. "Do you want a TUMs? Tylenol?" He pressed his hand to Levi's cheek, seeking a fever.

Idiot man. 

Levi sighed and kissed the heel of Erwin's palm and shooed him. "I'm fine. You know how I get. Just lemme get clean and wear one of your shirts and maybe we can salvage your boner." He flicked his fingers at Erwin's crotch and smiled.

"Not if you don't feel well...."

"I'm fine."

Erwin took this as a suggestion for some hippie-healing body contact.

 

"A hug, really, Erwin?" Levi sighed into Erwin's smothering chest. He smelled so good, felt so safe.

"You like hugs," Erwin insisted, rubbing up and down Levi's back. "Would you like a massage?" Already he started digging his fingers into the small of Levi's back, right where it got sore from sitting at a desk.

Levi moaned, huffed. "Christ, yeah. After my shower. Your gross old man germs are getting on me." 

Erwin finally let Levi go, checking him all over once more like a busy body. "Do you need help?"

"What, showering?" Levi raised his eyebrow.

Erwin smiled. "Of course."

Levi shoved him backwards gently and closed the bathroom door.

~~

Later, when asked about what his friends thought of him, Erwin would smile at Levi and kiss his eyebrow: "That you're cute."

~~  
Levi took it upon himself to thumb through the newspaper in the 'help wanted' section. He made the mistake of leaving it hanging out of his bag when he was at lunch with Pixis. 

When he pulled out his work folder, out came the newspaper, folded open to job searches, red pen circled round a few ads.

"Leaving me?" Pixis asked, undisturbed, the paper collected from the sidewalk. Levi watched it slow-motion horror and growing nauseum as his boss looked at Levi's future career possibilities. 

Pixis made  several noises and stroked his mustache. Petra would kill him if he lost his job.

"If I were you, I'd apply to the court house. I even have a buddy there," Pixis said amicably. He licked his thumb and flipped the page, skimmed it theatrically, then folded the newspaper and handed it back to Levi. "But I'd like it if you didn't."

Levi shook his head, crumpling the newspaper a little when he shoved it back into the bottom of his bag. "I like my job, Pixis, sir." 

He pushed his bangs back and cleared his throat. Pixis laced his fingers together and out his chin on the bridge of them. "Then why are you looking?"

Levi shrugged. He couldn't even say. Just to be able to say he was a _something_. "Not really sure. I'm not really looking."

Fuck.

Pixis looked him over, killing him slowly with silence as he sipped his iced tea. Levi distracted himself thinking about how a mustache must feel. Was it like pubes in your mouth? 

"I never gave you a six month review," Pixis finally said.

Levi blinked. "It's not like this is corporate."

"Yes, well, I like you, Levi, and I'd like to keep you on handling my affairs." Pixis stared him down, a twinkle in his eye. 

Levi looked away, the praise warm, opening up his chest the way a sip of Pixis's whiskey did. "Ah, hell," Levi swore under his breath, "I'm not going anywhere."

Pixis dabbed his moustache and smiled. "Excellent, my boy, just what I wanted to hear. You deserve a reward. A bonus,incentive. I know I put you through the ropes most days."

Whiskey honey chest, a simmer of pride. 

"--in cash, under the table --"

Levi pinched the inside of his thigh-

"--more responsibility, knowing you. I won't pretend to think you'll be with me for too long--"

Pixis laughed when Levi paid for lunch. Petra laughed when Levi bought new pens to colour coordinate the New York Investment trip. Personal assistant didn't sound like much at all maybe, but Levi made it much.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of reflecting, a bit of sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for support. It really is amazing. Glad people r liking this.
> 
> And I couldn't do it without fractalbright who I ramble to constantly ur the best
> 
> Also I've never watched Skyfall or any Bond movie.

As bad as Levi meeting his friends had been, it wasn't a total disaster. Not ideal, certainly, what with Levi showing up drunk and unannounced...groping Mike....no, not ideal in the least. But Levi had managed. It just wasn't how Erwin had wanted it to be done. But he can't control everything. It was _fine._

Now, Erwin wasn't sure what had gotten into Levi the past few weeks. Something about work -- a promotion that wasn't actually a promotion but involved more money and the glowing pride of a job well done -- had gotten Levi into a strange mood. He was a bit quieter than normal, softer. He wanted to cuddle more than he wanted to have sex, attributing it to being stressed. Erwin was more than empathetic to that condition, and they took their evenings out of the apartment, slept in late. Kissing butter from Levi's lips at breakfast satisfied him.

~~  
Susan, Erwin's secretary, dropped off a discretely wrapped box on his desk. Erwin, on the phone, mouthed his thank you, smiled and waved her out. He juggled the phone to one hand and got out a slim envelope opener and more or less hacked into the package while he read riddled off tidbit highlights from a shareholders meeting.

Inside the maroon box was a pair of black handcuffs. 

He needed to be off the phone immediately.

"Ted, I'm going to write this up and send you a hard copy. Do us both the favor -- yes, mhm, -- not like it used to -- you'll have it by the end of the day. Thank you. Goodbye, Ted."

Erwin hung up his phone on the receiver with a soft click, motions slow as if he might startle the present on his desk. 

A glance at his door to double check that it was closed and then he took a seat behind his desk, dragging the box closer with a single finger. The box, smooth and lacquered under his fingertips, sported gold embossed lettering in French. 

The tissue paper crinkled, a sound akin to the crunch of fresh snow under heavy boots. Erwin shivered as if a winter chill hit his hot skin. And the cuffs themselves were gorgeous, plain and simple. Thick luxe black velvet, wide cuffed. Padded, a slit added for flair and flexibility with gold capped corners, a gold chain curled in the white tissue paper. Picturesque, tempting.

Erwin licked his lips, delicately plucked the card from the box. careful not to disturb anything else, considering the cuffs live wires. If he picked them up he wasn't sure he would want to put them down.

_Erwin  
Straight people joke about marriage as a punishment, the wife the old ball and chain._

_Thank god we're queer men. I vow never to do that. I prefer the image these handcuffs conjure._

_Consider this gift an investment in us. Joint custody. Get it? Courtroom wit._

_Whatever, see you tonight. Kinky sex is on the table._

_Levi._

Even if the gesture was unprecedented, Levi himself was not. Erwin covered his face and laughed into his hand, shaking his head, delight pouring out in chuffs and chuckles. That boy. 

Like a spell broken and normality restored, Erwin reached for the cuffs. They were fine, very fine indeed. He sniffed them and they had a delicate floral smell. The gold chain was heavier than he expected, a sturdy weight. Good and cold in his palm. 

He liked the cuffs very much. Levi spending his money on something so lavish, less so. Erwin wish he'd have brought this to his attention rather than go and buy it himself.

But then again, Levi had seen these, searched them out, and thought of them, of Erwin, with so much want and desire he bought them. 

Erwin rubbed his thumb over the velvet. Smaller but no less well crafted gold chains threaded out from the cuffs, securing with a lobster claw clasp to different sized hooks. These handcuffs were more fashion than tool; they could be broken, escaped. They were made for the most willing of prisoners.

Levi would be stunning in them. 

Erwin touched the cuffs to his lips, there alone in his office. He could recall in his mind's eye Levi's face whenever Erwin put a firm hand on him. Pinning his wrists down made his hips buck up, pulling Levi into his lap made Levi's breath catch. A hot kiss made his hands fly to tangle in Erwin's hair. A bite won scratches. Sinking his cock into Levi brought forth a spill of arousal flooded moans. Every action brought on a response, a flushed choreography between them. 

A sweet word, a smile. A dirty joke a wrinkled nose, an even nastier joke.

If Erwin clipped his dear boy's wings, just for a night, what sort of frenzy would he become? 

Thighs tense over the thought, cock half hard, Erwin finally gathered himself. Velvet singing against his lips with a whisper sound, he departed from the kiss and the fantasy to lay them to rest back in the folds of tissue paper.

Then he saw it: the gift receipt.

_Noir Velvet Handcuffs  
Noir Silk Play Panties_

Now if he had the handcuffs...then...that meant...  
~~~

To Levi:  
Wear the panties tonight. 

From Levi:  
Someone got his present I see  
~~~

Levi glared at the box in Erwin's hands, his face the picture of murderous intention.

"Cream puffs?" He hissed, arms crossed, blazer pulled tight.

Erwin gave him a sparkling smile. "Puffs, darling. Cream puffs."

Levi rolled his eyes. "You're on thin ice, mister."

Erwin closed the bakery box and put it aside, going to Levi and kissing his surly frown. "I was only trying to set the mood." He hadn't been able to resist when he saw them.

"You're ridiculous," Levi huffed, rocking up into his toes to kiss Erwin. "I'm not a creampuff."

Erwin smiled. "How about a bonbon?" He couldn't help himself from this either, leaving Levi with his petulant frown to get another box from the refrigerator. He flicked it open to reveal four chocolate mounds each crowned with an almond.

"Oh," Levi breathed, irritation dissolving instantly. He flicked his dark eyes to Erwin, asking permission. Erwin glowed, nodded.

"They're for you."

Levi ducked his head on a small grin, a blush. "Awesome. Thanks."

Erwin let him be sweet and shy and hide his face now because tonight he would have all of him, spread out and bare later tonight

Levi peeled one off the wax paper and took a bite. His eyes went wide and then they closed in pleasure. He chewed slowly, the sweet melting in his mouth, a smile hinting at the corners of his lips.

When Levi finally swallowed, he licked a little chocolate off his lips. "They're coconut," he said, like this was a wonderful surprise Erwin needed to know despite being the one to have bought them.

Erwin chuckled. "I know. Your favorite."

Levi looked at the bonbon, shredded coconut and fast melting coconut ice cream, chocolate shell stickying his fingers. He held the other half up to Erwin, face unreadable. 

Erwin ate it from Levi's fingers carefully. It was cold against his teeth. Coconut didn't do as much for him as it did for Levi, but he was happy just to watch Levi lick chocolate off his fingers.

"Thanks, Erwin, that was really thoughtful," Levi said, taking the box from him and tucking it into the freezer. "I'll eat the rest later."

Levi still wore his work clothes, a neat business casual look. The scarf Erwin bought him replaced a tie at his neck, softening sharp lines. Jazzy blue cotton slacks shifted around Levi's round butt and distracted Erwin casually, like something shiny before a magpie. Was he wearing the panties?

"Don't be a stereotype," Levi chided, looking over his shoulder and catching Erwin staring. 

Erwin shrugged, licking his bottom lip and taking Levi in full when he turned around. "Sorry. I've been thinking about you all day....especially after I got your present."

He almost regretted admitting that; Levi suddenly smirked, looking like the cat that got the cream.

"Have you now?" he teased.

Absolutely terribly. Erwin felt his gut clench with anticipation.

"How could I not?" 

Levi didn't say thing, just looked Erwin up and down slowly, shaking his head at a private thought, Erwin the subject. The tips of Erwin's ears grew hot. It was hardly his fault. He hadn't had sex, let alone even masturbated, in over two weeks. For a man of his age that was perfectly normal, but Erwin had been having multiple orgasms a week with Levi for months. He was a bit pent up, and today his mind filled to the brim with fantasies.

"Did you eat?" He asked, clearing his throat and rubbing his palms on the seat of his pants. 

Even when he thought he knew what he was doing, Levi came into his life, suddenly emergent with grace, every inch of him a poison for Erwin's lips, consuming his gaze. He was too much for this world. He unravelled Erwin.

"I'm good," Levi dismissed vaguely, meaning no he hadn't. Erwin wanted to push for him to get something down. Before he could open his mouth, Levi gave him a look. Erwin wisely kept his mouth shut. They could eat after.  
   
Levi spun around and opened the freezer again. "Okay I'm gonna eat one more but then let's watch Skyfall."

"I thought you didn't like that movie?"

"I do, I just fell asleep during it last time." Levi took a massive bite of his bonbon and made a motion for Erwin to get his beautiful blonde butt to the living room.  
~~~  
"Daniel Craig is so sexy."

"Everyone says that. I don't feel attracted to him."

"I forgot your bisexual feelings make you an attracto-meter."

"Well now you're just being silly."  
......  
"What makes him so attractive?"

"Oh my god."  
.....  
"Are you serious, Erwin? Fine Uhm, oh, I don't know. Blond hair, blue eyes, older mature man in nice suits with a good body who gives off Daddy vibes but could dismantle a gun in two seconds while blindfolded?"  
....  
"I see it now."

"Yeah I bet you do."  
~~~  
Levi broke the kiss. "Okay wait. if you're James Bond, who am I?"

Erwin sat back a little, thinking. He looked Levi over, tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Got it." He kissed Levi again. "Sexy nameless hotel worker of no plot relevance whom I have a fade out sex scene with just to demonstrate how sexy and macho I am."

Levi did not look pleased. "Fuck off. I wanna be Q," he pouted.

Erwin laughed. "Baby, you're not Q. If I'm Bond, Hanji is my Q."

Levi frowned at the TV, movie still going. "I'm Bond, you're M."

Erwin gave that thought pause. Hypothetically, that might work. Levi was built well, phenomenally deceptive, and in general a vicious thing. And M, well, Erwin was flattered by the idea. "Hanji is still Q," he said, agreeing.

"What is with you and Hanji?" Levi asked, curiosity a little exasperated. 

"I know you don't know them well, but Hanji is my personal genius. I don't think Green Giant Tech could be doing what it's doing without them."

Levi's eyes widened a little. "Really?"

Erwin nodded, kissed him again only briefly but he had to because the soft surprise on Levi's lips looked delicious. "Yes. Their research leads global efforts at reorganizing the very concept of sustainable development. Do you know what 'broken windows theory' is?"

Levi shook his head slowly.

Erwin's mouth twitched. "It's ah. It's a social theory, a criminal theory. Essentially, broken windows theory argues that if small things are left unattended such as a few broken windows in a building, it inspires apathy about the building in general. So the building will be further vandalized. It turned into the argument that small crime left unpunished opens the door to bigger crime. It's widely debated."

"How does crime...?" Levi squinted. 

"That's the thing. Hanji took something so ridiculous and manipulated it. They argued that what if the broken windows aren't acts of vandalism. This was way back in their master's thesis. They postulated the scenario that the broken windows came from kids playing baseball in the street. The windows weren't broken out of acts of aggression but chaos brought on by lack of proper environment. Very Benitez-Rojo of them. It's really just treat the cause rather than the symptom, but it was controversial and _interesting_. They turned it into a critique on health and environment. I found Hanji between their enrollment in a PhD program. At the time I was on board for GGT's HR. We ended up sending Hanji to school on the condition that they take this idea to an energy or health level and then work for us. They focused their research in the effects of a sustained clean water source. Now GGT is leading the world in clean water implementation partnered with community based action groups."

Erwin excitedly jostled Levi, who was staring. "Hanji is my Q. They're my second, when the time comes. I can't do my work without them."

Levi blinked, nodded. "Wow." Levi's impressed looked drooped ever so slowly until he turned back to the TV. "They're Q," he said simply. "They're, like, Jesus's secret love child."

~~~  
"Ooh, Mister Bond," Levi crooned in a lisping falsetto. Erwin smothered him with his hand, grimacing. Levi licked his palm vengefully.

Erwin lead Levi back to the bedroom. He'd left work at an appropriate time to prepare for tonight. Now, with Levi's footsteps in his ears, the skin of his face grew hot. 

Levi reached for the door handle.

"Wait!" Erwin stopped him.

Levi jumped at the outburst. "What?" 

Erwin spun him around. "I did something embarrassing. I think. I'm not quite certain."

"Uhm. Okay? You're always embarrassing."

Not the confidence booster Erwin wanted.

Levi patted his chest. "I'm sure whatever you did is fine. Did you wax your butt or something? Bleach your asshole?"

Erwin frowned. "No. Don't be gross."

Levi made a face. "You're gross. Maybe you should poke around that dusty cave you call an asshole sometime."

"Levi, stop, let's just have a romantic moment. Please?" 

Levi tossed up his hands, made a face, smooshed said face into Erwin's chest. "Kay. Romance. Got it."

Erwin huffed. "I was inspired by the handcuffs. Alright?"

Levi nodded and looked up from under his bangs and eyelashes, the picture of innocence. "Got it."

Erwin's lips twitched and he bent to kiss Levi, kiss him soundly. Erwin held his slim waist, felt up the curve of his spine, that beautiful arch of bone, as he kissed Levi to make his toes curl. One hand on Levi squeezing his ass, a tongue in his mouth, Erwin opened the bedroom door and walked them inside.

Levi moaned when Erwin put both hands back on him and forced a thigh between his legs, helped him rub on Erwin. Made his boy good and hard. Then, Erwin let him go with a smirk, slightly out of breath.

Levi, mouth swollen and red, blinked in a daze before he took in the room. Softly lit by vanilla candles, bed scattered with rose petals, a boquet on each nightstand, an ice bucket of cold champagne, fluted glasses, and the handcuffs laid out on the bed.

The cliche of it made Erwin nervous because Levi tended to avoid cliches or you know, normal behavior. He didn't expect Levi to cover his mouth, cross his arms tightly around himself.

"I know it's a bit much," Erwin said, unsure, "but I thought we could have a special night. You've been stressed."

Levi nodded jerkily. He turned, head down, and burrowed against Erwin. Embarrassed, Erwin had turned him into a cliche. "It's really nice. Like. Really. Really nice. You're so....You're so good to me;" Levi mumbled groggily into Erwin's shirt. 

Erwin smoothed his hair back. A jittery warmth filled him. "I'm glad you like it." He'd done right.

It was Levi who walked them to the bed finally. Sat Erwin down and straddled him, cuffs in his hand like curiosities. "So you like them?"

Erwin lifted his brows. "Yes, a lot."

Levi smiled and stroked the velvet against Erwin's cheekbone. "Good.The black is nice. I wanted white originally. I thought it would look better against your skin, but they didn't have any."

"What does that matter, black looks better on you," Erwin said around a kiss. He rubbed his nose playfully against Levi's.

"But I want you to wear them," Levi said.

Erwin sat back, a little amused. "You want me to wear them?" Not....what he'd been thinking.

Levi looked at him, poised and earnest. "Yes."

A slow second crawled by. 

"Oh."

Levi frowned. "You wanted to cuff me and fuck me? Have your wicked way?"

Erwin gave him a look. "It seemed the most obvious conclusion."

Levi clicked his tongue. "I was thinking, instead," he spoke slowly, letting each word sound full and potent as he looped the gold chain behind Erwin's neck and pulled it so the links dug ever so slightly against his skin, "that I would cuff you to this bed and make you want me until you're crazy with it."

Erwin licked his lips. "I'm intrigued."

Levi hummed, sliding the chain, twisting it around his wrists and bringing their faces close, pressure on Erwin's neck sending blood to his cock. Levi's lips ghosted against his. "I love how you look when all you can think about is getting your big, fat, cock into my itty-bitty little hole and making me scream for you."

Breathing had become difficult and it had nothing to do with that teasing pressure around his throat and everything to do with Levi.

"And you know what I wanna do, Erwin?" Levi's tongue caressed his name.

"What," Erwin rasped, dead and gone for. Call the morgue, the funeral home. Put his obituary in the paper.

"I wanna make you look at me like that while you can't do a thing about it."

Erwin's cock twitched up against the seam of his pants, hard and eager.  "Okay," Erwin agreed, stupid with lust.

Levi smirked, eyes obsidian by now, onyx, pupil blown and beautiful. "Perfect." He rubbed himself against Erwin, taking the handcuffs away and tossing them somewhere on the bed while he focused on kissing Erwin dumber.

This is precisely how Erwin ended up cuffed to his bed, arms stretched out to each corner, gold chain looped behind the slats of his headboard. The cuffs were very comfortable. He would reflect on this later when he wasn't as naked as the day he was born and so hard it hurt. 

Levi had worn the panties, and they were everything and more than Erwin could ever imagine. Blacker than midnight, shiny silk with sheer lace panels up the sides. They went up as far as Levi's navel and the back was laced with a silk ribbon, naughty little bow nipping them snug, set against the shadow of Levi's spine. Levi, hard and sinfully hidden in a bundle behind silk, rubbed that luxuriousness against Erwin's cock, slip-sliding on a satin weave and precum. 

Erwin panted, tense, breath uneven and ragged. Levi's round ass settled over him and rocked, not good enough and devilish in its nearness. Erwin, red from his chest up, groaned in agony over the neatness of Levi's hole sat over the fat plummy head of his cock.

"You look so good," Levi said, voice  hiccuping as he rubbed himself through his panties, little prick trapped inside. 

"Levi, baby, come here," Erwin coaxed, catching his breath. "Come up here to Daddy."

 Levi shook his head, impish smile playing across his face. "No." He crouched low over Erwin and licked one of his nipples, sweat-salt on his tongue. "You'll do something tricky." Little pink tongue lapping at skin before he kissed and nipped, a fury from a past life here to make Erwin shake to his knees.

"Fuck, Levi." Erwin bucked into the air, into nothing, all but throwing Levi who only laughed at him and darted a kiss to his lips. Levi's mouth was red raw from where he'd let Erwin fuck his face --without his hands, Levi holding his hips, voluntarily choking himself on Erwin like a _slut_ \--

"Levi, please, let me kiss you, let me lick you, get you out of those pretty panties and lick you, boy. My pretty bad _naughty_ boy," Erwin grit his teeth, arms flexing, and oh maybe he could break free but the handcuffs were so nice and Levi glowed over the state of him.

Levi ran his fingers over his cock, smooth on the silk. "You wanna lick me? Gonna suck me, Daddy?"

"Yes. Yes, you look so good, Levi." Erwin tracked his eyes over Levi in awe, struck by his appeal. "I'll get you wet, get your hole wet."

Levi froze, poised over Erwin, cheeks darkening. Bingo.

Erwin kept the smirk off his face. Levi wouldn't play if he didn't think he was the was winning, not tonight. "Want to taste you under those panties, baby."

He waited, chest heaving, for Levi to agree. He scooted up close to Erwin who sank down into the pillows, let Levi bring his crotch to his face. He reeked of sex, a hot muddy smell. Erwin shoved his nose into the approximate area of his balls and licked, tongue dragging against the fabric of the panties, wetting it.

"Christ, Erwin," Levi yelled, thighs tensing around Erwin's head. He was not deterred in the least, mouthing, sucking, licking at Levi until his boy was shivering above him. Erwin wanted to touch, to feel him like this.

Levi reached behind himself and pulled the bow, loosened the laces and moved off Erwin to shimmy free. Finally bare, peach pink all over. Erwin watched him, immobile, face hungry.

Levi crawled over him and kissed him, hot. Loving. "So good. Love you," Levi mumbled, barely audible, as he gave Erwin his neck to be pampered with kisses. Erwin tried to move as close as possible. He bit into Levi's shoulder, swallowed the vibrations of a groan. He brought his legs up to nudge with his knees against Levi's ass, encourage him closer. Be closer, Levi.

A bit of jostling and maneuvering later, and Levi was swearing up a quiet storm as he sat his ass over Erwin's face. Smothered hot, Erwin wasted no time in licking over Levi's twitching hole, making him wet as promised. Levi dug his nails into Erwin's chest and whined, _loudly,_ when Erwin pushed his tongue into him. He felt drunk, so focused on Levi, the rest of him weightless and blood heavy at once. Everything was Levi, Levi rocking against his face, Levi on his tongue, Levi moaning above him. Touching him. Stroking his cock in time with Erwin's tongue fucking into that itty bitty little pink hole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably, hesitantly, two chapters left? Also probs last chapter for awhile?? Maybe.
> 
> All that shit a out sustainable development and broken windows theory is bullshit.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erwin's headspace is wild in this chapter. It took awhile but I'm happy with all the consistent imagery stuff. 
> 
> Warning for mildly rough sex/safewording/scenestopping

The stairway up to Levi’s floor in his apartment building left much to be desired. The walls nearly touched Erwin’s shoulders, so narrow it was. It was a strange thing to consider space like this. From the grandness of the city and then here, in the $700 a month apartment that taped off your limits and forced you to hunker down. Erwin wasn’t meant for a space this small. The brush of his shoulders along the wall, the narrowness of the steps that his feet dwarfed and hung over, they marked him a trespasser.

 “Remind me again how you have furniture?” he joked, though his voice carried a wary tone, ogling over the idea of moving anything up or down this flight of stairs, that sharp corner. Petra, Levi, under the weight of a boudoir.

Levi grunted, recollecting. “Ikea. What a shitty weekend that was.” They came to a stop outside of his apartment door. “Hey, fish into my pocket and get my keys, would you?”

Levi had his hands full with coffee while Erwin had a paper bag of donuts. Erwin wiggled his fingers at Levi, winked.

“Magic fingers,” Erwin said before he stuck his fingers into Levi’s pocket. Sort of. “These pants are very tight.” He strained to link his pinky around the keyring. “Why’d you put them in your jeans?” They no doubt would fit more comfortably in the pocket of Levi’s light jacket.

Levi huffed and sucked in his stomach, as if that was the problem. Levi couldn’t suck in hip bones, the actual obstacle obstructing de-keying his pants pocket. “Do you wanna take the coffee?”

“No. Got them.” The keys jingled in Erwin’s hand. He smiled. “Magic fingers, remember?” Erwin turned and unlocked the front door.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay, Chris Angel.”

Erwin dropped Levi’s keys onto the counter and set the donuts down, Levi the coffee. Levi bumped against him affectionately and Erwin patted his butt just as affectionately. While Levi went to fetch a sleeping Petra, Erwin pulled ingredients for scrambled eggs. 

Petra came out a minute later in her pajamas, floating on sleepy feet to the coffee. She squinted at the scribbled writing down the sides, found hers and pulled it free from the cardboard carrier. 

Erwin smiled at her and pushed the donuts her way. “Rise and shine, Petra.”

She gave him a beady look, a smile on her lips ruining the threat. “Yeah yeah.  Morning, Erwin. Thank you.”

Levi swept over and sat at the bar. “You making the eggs or you want me to?” He asked Erwin.

Erwin looked over the fixings. “You chop the onion for me and I’ll do the rest.”

Petra and Erwin sat on the couch and had coffee and donuts while Levi bore the sulphur burn of the onion. They had breakfast together, woke up over jokes and the week’s latest shenanigans from Petra’s students. Then, they had a date, all three of them, with some pumpkin carving. Erwin and Petra did the yucky stuff so Levi could masterfully carve out cats and witches and ghosts. It was a good team effort.

Levi sent Erwin home Sunday night with spicy baked pumpkin seeds, a spooky cat jackolantern and a copy of his and Petra’s apartment key. That last item had surprised Erwin. The two of them had kissed Erwin’s cheek and patted his hands, the key warming in his palm. It felt a bit like he was dating Levi  _and_ Petra in that moment, but it was a good moment. Levi kept his key and extended the boundary of their relationship into a space not just his own but with Petra.

Having Levi’s key, Erwin understood, functioned symbolically rather than practically. 

~~

A strange moment occurred in Erwin’s life on a Tuesday afternoon. It really wasn’t anything at all, just one of those particular human moments where Erwin looked and saw. As simple and as complex as that. Erwin, on one side of glass in his office, a chic modern square room - the kind displayed proudly in ads for your company at sales conference - the kind where the window were all new clear solar cells and gave the satisfying knowledge that your entire building produced more energy than it consumed - the kind of office that had its own coffee maker with fair trade coffee - _that sort of office -_ Erwin saw through the not-solar-cell glass windows the stood between him and the rest of his floors common space and saw Mike and Nanaba passing by, unaware of his witnessing them.

They were there, together, conferring, Mike with an open manilla folder between his large hands, Nanaba delicately holding up a stapled sheet of paper, peering over into the folder, read, speaking, working together while their feet took them unerringly through the common space and out of Erwin’s sight. 

They had discussed marriage before Mike proposed, but even then Nanaba hadn’t seen it coming. No one, not even them, would have anticipated Mike popping the question at a Buffalo Wild Wings while both of them coughed and cried, red faced and with burning nose hairs over the spiciest wings they’d ever had. A proposal choked not by emotion but by laughter and lips practically numb with capsaicin. Happy in their mutual misery. 

It made a fun story over champagne and toasts. 

Erwin looked and saw and recalled all this with a smile as equally unobserved. His friends did not know they were being fondly remembered in that time, cherished as a past and present fixture. To think Erwin once assumed, his own hand cradling the soft palm of one Marie Abel, (presently known as Marie Dawk) and thought he would be in their place.

Then again, Erwin had operated on assumptions and distant plans and not the heart and heat of the present-turned past. 

And just as likely as Erwin stood their now, watching Mike and Nanaba pass by and watching them stille ven after they had gone and left his sight and turned into chaos beyond his vision and left him with only echos and reflection, just as likely as that, Marie Dawk (formerly Marie Abel) must have at least once looked and saw another couple and thought of all the future between she and Erwin Smith (always Erwin Smith). Now, guaranteed, the looking and seeing only searched for mirrors and edges of the life between she and her first and only husband.

Levi Smith had no better ring to it than Levi Ackerman, as Erwin tested the sound out in his mind, spoke it under his breath. Levi Smith sounded a bit butchered. Levi, simply Levi, stood very well on its own. 

This all became too much and too unpleasant for Erwin, set him sour and melancholic, and he immediately, smile slipped and gone, turned away to face the solar-cell windows that promised a better future, reflecting now the man-made landscape of the city, the building next door’s orderly windows that were not, as he knew it, solar cells. 

It was that sort of office and he that sort of man, so he made a coffee and sat to work. 

~~~

Nanaba had yoga. Mike avoided spandex. Erwin used this combination to his advantage and had Mike out for beers. Beers, as was the case at this particular bar,  _Coastas,_  actually meant Caipirinhas. Mike and Erwin were neither beer men nor rum men, but with summer dead and fall settling down, they thought it prudent to toast the season away in such a fashion. Everyone there had just come from work judging by their dress and the general fervor to which they occupied the bar. He and Mike took to a table against the wall, low light overhanging them, glasses sweating on their coasters.

"We’re having dinner at Marie and Nile’s tomorrow night," Mike told him. He tipped his glass around on its edges, liquid lapping dangerously close to the rim. Mike drank it down into submission, lime candy-bright beneath ice. 

"How’d that finally happen?" His exclusion didn’t hurt, stung at most, but he could hardly feel bad over it. His presence would disrupt an already precarious peace. He, a jagged thorn. 

"I guess Nile wised up after the trip."

"You weren’t exactly subtle," Erwin pointed out. Mike taking a meat cleaver to a bait fish while saying he and Nanaba would like to have dinner sometime "since we haven’t spent time together since the wedding practically, us  _and our spouses.”_

Mike shrugged, unapologetic. “It worked. Marie sent us a card. I’m surprised she had our address. It’s a nice card. I think she scrapbooks.”

 _Always sentimental_ , Erwin thought. He thought of roses and Levi and decided he wasn’t much better. “I believe that. She must get bored at home.”

Mike lifted an eyebrow, measuring Erwin for sincerety, then laughed derisvely. “If you think someone with three kids is bored, you’re crazy. Bilbo’s exhausting and he’s a puppy. Speaking of, would you want to go over tomorrow and take him out once?” 

Erwin tapped his fingers against his glass. “I have no doubt she’s a very busy mother, but busyness does not negate boredom. Marie,” and he could barely swallow back his wistful tone, the comfort of a once loved subject, “likes making things, creating. I’m sure she does more than scrapbook.”

Mike let a silence sit before he nudged Erwin’s foot under the table. “Tomorrow though, the pup?”

"Oh. Yes. Just leave the key out somewhere; Levi and I will take care of him." Erwin said this casually, naturally. Levi would be with him, they would do this little task together. Erwin quite enjoyed doing mundane chores with Levi. Laundry day was a  _hoot_. 

"Ah," Mike said. Monosyllabic, heavy, judgmental.

"Ah?" Erwin echoed.

Mike shrugged, fingers folding around his glass, engulfing it, condensation flooding the round ridges of his fingers.

“Alright, Mike.” Erwin gestured with his hand, an opening.

Mike took the sign with a mustache-tickling snort of air, having waited patiently for the better part of two months for the opportunity to have this discussion. “Erwin, brother, you are playing a dangerous game,” he said and this time it wasn’t judgement but caution.

The genuine warning in Mike’s voice kept Erwin from offense, took him in with a level head. He folded his hands in his lap, posture still relaxed. He saw no cause for alarm. There was nothing to feel alarm over. “How so?”

Mike looked disappointed that Erwin didn’t know the answer already. (Had it all been rhetorical?) It didn’t help the situation; Mike’s misgivings about Levi stirred up the settled water of Erwin’s own witholdings. It swirled, a dilute of silt and worry. 

"Someone’s going to be disappointed," Mike said, toeing at the problem, nudging it Erwin’s way for examination.  

“I don’t see it that way,” Erwin said evenly, eyes only slipping from Mike’s for a second, seeing in that second the many looming disappoints, the buried ones, the denied ones, the future ones. “I hope you’ll give Levi a chance, as my friend.”

Mike frowned. “I have no problem with Levi.”

Erwin was not a stupid man. He kept his face neutral. Offense did not stir in him, and any premature defense he knew came up to cover those soft bits of self-conscious, self-awareness. “Then what is your problem, Mike?”

Mike deflated. For a man of Mike’s size to give up that animal instinct of his to square his shoulders and puff his chest, showed him the gentle friend Erwin loved. “It’s just a bit funny, Erwin. You dating a guy that age. It’s,” and they both sensed the distaste of the next word before it hit the air, “scummy.”

Erwin smiled, a split-lipped wince. “I’m a scumbag.” 

Mike made a face, grimaced, brought his glass to his lips. “Yeah, actually,” he laughed.

Erwin sighed and sat back, wooden chair resilient against the strain of him and all his woes. “Probably,” he agreed. “Are you disappointed in me?” 

Even he had to admit, he didn’t want Levi to be common knowledge. It’d be so lovely to keep Levi and their relationship at home, in a pretty box. Keep it away from the eyes of others…

"No. I just think one or both of you is an idiot, is all. A fuck, a fling, I understand. you’re a catch, he is apparently assuaging your midlife crisis or whatever is happening to you, but it’s what, six months?"

"Almost eight," Erwin mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. He had to fight to keep his arms from crossing his chest. Levi wasn’t the balm to his midlife crisis -  _not that he was even having one_ \- he was the boy making the weekend feel like coming home instead of simply a break from work.

"And have either of you met each other’s parents?" 

~~

Despite these newly stirred insecurities troubling Erwin, he said nothing, resolving to sort them to peace in his own mind. Levi could hardly be culpable in his apparently scumminess. It would unnecessarily trouble him, and Erwin would rather not. It was about himself, not Levi, not their relationship. He’d fix it, whatever the problem was, keep it away from souring their time. 

Time that he so desperately looked forward to after the long week. Even the time that was layered atop work, when Levi sent him a text and Erwin could jitter in his seat in anticipation for his company. 

Times when Erwin could lose himself shampooing Levi’s hair.

Times when Levi would kiss him and say, “be rough with me, Daddy.”

~

Times like now when Levi nudged his head against Erwin’s shoulder in the middle of watching a movie, ever-cold nose creeping to press into Erwin’s neck, a chill little tomato. Erwin smiled, blue-white TV light on his face, cyborg-luminescence flickering. 

He ignored Levi, pushing him to act further, pushing his insufferable insistent boy to groan in the back of his throat, pinch at Erwin’s soft stomach rolls. “Erwin,” Levi complained, still not daring to do more than whisper as the movie rolled on, the plot unfolding.

"Hmm?" Erwin indulged, smile carefully hidden from Levi’s scrutiny. He lived to be loved, in these times. 

Levi huffed, settled down snug close to Erwin, head a heavy weight on his shoulder, hands tucked under Erwin’s shirt, fingers mindlessly stressing-relaxing against Erwin like a cat flexing toes and claws, waiting to play. That’s what this was, the play, the prelude, to a deep falling together.

A minute, two, maybe ten passed until Levi stiffened all over, telegraphing his next move: a fleeting look up at Erwin to gauge his attention. Erwin could see the flap of his butterfly lashes like a small storm from the corner of his eye. Next to come was the forehead rub into Erwin’s arm, a tiny little squeak, a sleepy sound, like an old house resettling, Levi sinking his bones against Erwin. Then, Levi traced his index finger around the dimple of Erwin’s belly button and down, pink pad tickling over trip-wire blonde hair that thickened the further south they grew.

The move made, Erwin responded as Levi wanted him to: he reached down slowly and took Levi’s hand away from his skin, let his palm and fingers swallow his narrow wrist, grip tight but not painful. Let Levi feel the security of his touch. He failed at the next step, he always let too much amusement and fondness fill his face.

"What have I said about asking nicely?" 

But Levi was already off with it, willful and petulant. He rolled his eyes, pulled on his wrist unsuccessfully. Huffed a breath so that his bangs fluttered. All the motions of impatience and displeasure coiled inside him and a blush in the apples of his cheeks like a doll.  
  
What a sight. He deserved more. Erwin surprised Levi by pulling him down into his lap, shoving a pillow, premeditated, under his head. “Behave. Watch the movie.” He patted Levi’s butt, condescending, but Levi didn’t mind that very much.

"You watch the movie," Levi groused even if now he was happier to be put down, Erwin running his fingers through his hair, resting a hand on his hip. But now it was Erwin’s turn, and he enjoyed it. He stroked Levi’s thigh, palm running along the grain of denim jeans, hand following the firm mold of muscle. The side, the front, then his hand cupping Levi’s butt, measuring the curve of it. Levi shifted just slightly, pretending to watch the movie but Erwin knew that he was only thinking of Erwin and Erwin’s hand on him. A simple rub on his behind could make a mess of him. There were few things as fun as making a mess of a boy who loved being clean and watching him love every minute of it.

So Erwin rubbed and groped Levi’s butt and touched his thighs lightly so that Levi would have to hold his breath and strain to absorb the barely-there pressure. Erwin scratched at his scalp and pulled his hair, twirling it tight around his finger and tugging just to listen to Levi’s permissive silence, the little hums and occasional laughs because Levi knew what Erwin was doing. Doing exactly what he wanted. Finally Erwin laid his broad hand on Levi’s stomach, under his sweater to touch him, feel his muscles flinch with shock and want. Levi shivered, a noisy breath leaving him, trying to rub his thighs together unnoticed.

“Are you hard?” Erwin asked, quiet but distant, like it didn’t interest him even if he adored Levi’s racing pulse under his hands.

“Yeah,” Levi said, voice thick.

Erwin scratched his blunt nails down Levi’s torso, from collarbone to the waist of his pants, hooked his fingers in and yanked them up cruelly so they pinched and choked at his arousal, so Levi groaned out loud, arching and jumping in his own skin, cursing out “fuck,” dirty and happy.

Erwin let go, left Levi’s jeans too high on his hips, instead pet Levi’s nipples under his sweater. Sweat crawled down the back of his neck, and if not for the pillow separating him and Levi, he would be hard under Levi’s red-tart cheek. Erwin looked down to admire him, blood singing in his ears. Levi’s eyes were closed, his mouth slack open, bottom lip red and shiny from sucking on it to keep silent.

Erwin swallowed. Under his fingers, he could feel every little bump along Levi’s silky areola, the animal beat of his heart. He watched Levi lick his lips as he circled his finger around the needy peak of his nipple and when he pinched it between thumb and forefinger, twisted and rolled it firmly, Levi tightened up all over, hand holding onto Erwin’s knee, hand holding onto the lip of the couch because Levi didn’t want to touch himself because he wanted Erwin to do all the touching.

“Levi,” Erwin marveled, coaxing pants out of Levi with every tweak to his nipples, no doubt turning the pale blush of them carnation-red, “you’re so beautiful.”

His voice stirred Levi, opened his eyes and turned them up to Erwin, wells of ink and summer lightning storms. He said nothing, instead lounging, revealed, vulnerable, letting Erwin admire the flutter of his eyelashes, the tension of his throat. He was too much, even after all this time.

Erwin slipped his hand out from under Levi’s sweater and brought his fingers to Levi’s face, the motion followed hungrily by Levi’s gaze. Erwin touched his cheek, his slim nostril, down to his waiting mouth that pursed and kissed at his fingers, kisses like mumbles, small things.

“Sit up, boy, come here,” Erwin breathed, paper-thin with want.  Levi clambered to obey, roused by direction, pushing his pants down comfortably again. He tossed the pillow away and straddled Erwin, too familiar to be awkward even with an erection. Immediately, Levi rocked against Erwin’s own hard cock, head dropping to Erwin’s shoulder with a sigh. Erwin welcomed him with a hug, soothing strokes down his back, spine and ribcage bowed under his hand.

“That was hot,” Levi said, rubbing his face into Erwin’s neck.

Erwin smirked, laid a kiss on his ear, tongue giving a quick lap to the curved inner shell that made Levi gasp. “I’m not done.”

He sat back to look at Levi, but Levi kissed him immediately and that put a bit of a stall on Erwin’s plans. Now it was his turn to have his hair pulled, feel Levi turn his energy onto making Erwin gasp with each pointed roll of his hips, ass rubbing Erwin through his jeans, little cock bumping into Erwin’s stomach. Once he had Levi naked, he would swallow him whole.

He had to fight to get Levi’s hands pinned down at his sides and bite his lips raw and ruined to get him to stop kissing Erwin like his life depended on it. “Enough,” Erwin bit, jutting his chin and lifting his face up to look down on Levi firmly. “I said I wasn’t done.”

Levi’s endurance was falling apart before him. Hips still moving, begging, Levi shook his head. “Daddy,” he whined, giving Erwin such a pout. His lips were pussy-pink but Erwin could fuck them to make them puffier; they would look even better that way.

And his lashes could be matted with tears. His boy looked so good when he cried.

Erwin kissed him very softly, lips as light as if he were touching flower petals. “Hold up your shirt for me, baby boy. Let me see your nipples.”

Levi moaned, rutted against Erwin harder. “Erwin, c’mon,” he pleaded. Erwin kissed him again on his hot cheek.

“Aren’t I making you feel good?”

“Yeah,” Levi admitted.

Erwin kissed his other cheek. “I thought you wanted your Daddy to play with you. Isn’t that what you said?”

Levi trembled. “Yeah.”

“So do you want me to stop or do you want me to suck on your nipples?” Erwin asked bluntly, smile held to Levi’s neck to feel him swallow. With a gulp and a muttered “goddamnit” Levi leaned back and lifted up his sweater, held up to his collar in tight fists, red nipples bared and waiting.

Erwin kissed him again and each little bud. “Thank you.”

He held onto Levi’s hips and let Levi rut against him as he bit and sucked and kissed Levi’s nipples into swollen sensitive points of pleasure-pain, each sharp graze of teeth twisting in Levi until all Erwin could hear was his hard breath in his ear. When Levi started to chant his name, Erwin stopped, mouth leaving Levi’s skin with a slick sound, left him shiny with spit and bruised dark with kiss marks.

“D-done?” Levi asked, shaking in Erwin’s lap.

At this point, Erwin needed to be naked as badly as Levi. He eased Levi’s hands out of fists and pulled his sweater off. “Done.” He smoothed his dark hair out of his sweaty face and kissed him. “You were perfect.”

Levi, catching his breath still, touched his nipples delicately. His struggling breath hitched. “They’re so fucking sore,” he said, voice caught somewhere between complaint and admiration.

Erwin looked him over hotly, thinking on all the noises Levi made, wanting more. He cupped Levi’s cock, squeezed and revelled in Levi’s cry. “Is this sore too?”

“ _Yes_.”

Must be, so hard it hurt, sore from rubbing roughly inside his pants, how hard Levi humped Erwin. A needy boy and a needy prick. “Best let Daddy take care of that.”

They barely made it to bed because Erwin overestimated Levi’s ability to walk - Levi would rather try to strip Erwin mid-stride and risk them both tripping and falling to their early deaths. Inside the bedroom, Erwin finally picked Levi up and tossed him onto the bed with only a little fuss. He silenced any complaints by kissing him soundly and covering Levi’s body with his own, now both of them bare chested, pants gone, only socks and underwear left. Erwin took care of that for Levi, tugging cotton boxerbriefs down wiggling twisting hips and thighs, bony ankles and high-arched feet stripped free of socks. Erwin smacked a kiss on Levi’s toes, moved up with nibbling kisses to the apex of his thighs.

"Please, please, please," Levi whispered, chest rising and falling. His cock, ever a petite thing, strained up from a bed of thin curls, redder than his lips, shiny with fluid and all but glowing from the friction of rutting in his pants. A look at Levi’s face showed his eyes half-lidded and desperate. "Daddy, please, suck me. You’re killing me."

If Erwin touched him like that, it’d be over. Levi would come with a few sucks and licks; all this energy would bleed out, leave him. The tension of him would fray and sever, heal over in an hour. Erwin would still be tired, slow to rouse, and Levi brand new. But like this, even with his own erection throbbing between his legs, blood boiling with desire for Levi and his touch and his body, Erwin didn’t want to fuck him and finish. He didn’t want to be done playing with his boy who looked at him with eyes like that. Levi was ripe and fertile, tilled earth for Erwin to plant into, build on, harvest, consume. Erwin had never felt so full and real as when he had Levi like this.

"Turn over," Erwin ordered in a voice of smoke and tinder.

Levi all but sobbed, nails scratching the bedsheets. “Erwin, fuck, please just blow me. Touch me, Daddy, please,” Levi begged, hips fucking into the air with the words, so pretty, such a pretty show. 

"Turn over, boy," Erwin repeated, rising up on his knees. Levi grit his teeth, lips pursed and stubborn, all new defiance, at his end. It lasted three beats of allowance before Erwin turned that look into one of surprise as he flipped Levi over onto his stomach. 

Erwin sat back and whipped his hand down with a crack over Levi’s ass, stunningly hard, shutting Levi up with a sharp yelp, and a jiggle of fat. Erwin’s palm stung, the pain vibrant, tingling. A brand. Erwin rubbed his hand over the hot mark, Levi’s wordlessness ringing with the blow. Levi breathed loudly, that sticking wet breathing of someone in pain, crying, where Erwin didn’t breathe at all, frozen on edge. He rubbed gentle circles on Levi’s skin. His whole sight was Levi laid out in front of him, gone tight. His shoulder pulled up and the stix river of his spine on his curled back gently shaking.

Erwin’s heart beat up in his throat. “Colour? Levi?”

Levi shot his head up and turned his face back to Erwin, flushed hot, tear streaked. “Green,” he said confidently, though he worked his jaw and cleared his throat, voice groggy.

Tacky relief washed through Erwin, not quite reaching his face, sticking inside him. “Good.”

Levi shook his head, embarrassed, still lying completely at ease. “It hurt,” he said with a little laugh. “Damn.”

Erwin laughed with him, not sure what was funny, and nodded. “Yeah. That was…I hit you pretty hard.”

“I liked it,” Levi said, eyes bright. The skin under his bottom lip was scraped red from his teeth dragging at it. “It stings now. Feels good,” like that made sense. Erwin could feel the fire of the spot against his palm. “Did you like it?”

Erwin kept rubbing Levi’s skin, trying to sooth what didn’t want soothed. “You scared me.” Erwin clenched his jaw and stared at the red patch on Levi’s buttcheek that fit the shape of his hand. He couldn’t recall the way he’d raised his hand, but he must have put his whole body into it the way his palm hurt.

“Erwin?” Levi said his name cautiously, sitting up. 

“I hit you,” he said flatly. “I hit you really hard.” 

“It’s—” Levi got his knees under himself and crawled over the little bit of distance between them to touch light fingers to Erwin’s clenched fist. The fist of the hand that hit Levi so readily, so hard. “Talk to me, Erwin.”

Erwin ground his teeth together, molars slip-locking over each other. The overhead light was too harsh, jarring. The colours were wrong, washed out. He shook his head, sitting stiffly, legs folded under himself, shoulders hunched. “I hit you.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, hid his eyes behind his fingers and then clawed his nails over his scalp. 

Levi darted a look at Erwin’s now limp penis, mouth thin, eyes sharp with worry. “You didn’t hit me, you spanked me,” he said slowly, catching Erwin’s eyes finally, though Erwin stared at him through a shuttered gaze. Levi tried to unclench Erwin’s hand, to get him to loosen up, but Erwin was stone-locked, aching. 

Levi’s colour was all wrong, his touch all wrong. Erwin twisted away from it, skin itching. He rubbed his wrist, turned his hand over and dug his thumb into the meat of it. “I hit you. I  _hurt you.”_ He choked on the words, paralyzed with them. 

Levi shook his head, laying a hesitant touch on Erwin’s knee. Both of them were sweaty. “The spank,” Levi said the word like it was something important, “felt good. You did nothing I didn’t want you to do. I asked you to be intense tonight.”

Erwin nodded. He remembered. Intense. Levi had wanted to burn tonight in bed. Erwin wanted to light him afire. He had. He had scorched him, scorched them both. He’d hinted at spanking enough times for Erwin to know he wanted to try. It had seemed so okay in theory.

"I don’t want to hurt you again," Erwin said, mouth gritty, throat dry. "I don’t-" he took a shaky breath, looking away. He would not be a man to hit his love.

Levi touched his shoulders, his cheek, thumb caressing the sharp plane of his cheekbone. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Erwin,” he said softly, like everything was okay, like Erwin hadn’t done anything wrong.

Erwin reached up and pressed Levi’s hand to his cheek tighter, felt how he dwarfed him completely. Erwin was so much bigger than him, Levi a doll in his hands. Something precious. “I want to take care of you.” He looked at him, eyes wet, burning. “I want to be good for you, Levi. You deserve someone good.”

Levi smiled sadly, cupping Erwin’s other cheek as well, holding Erwin’s tired face like he was the breakable one. “You are so good to me, Erwin.” Erwin couldn’t hear the fear and worry in his voice, just thought it all the wetness from the slap, carry over. “Lie down, Erwin, lie down with me,” Levi coaxed.

Erwin covered Levi up with his body, rested his head on his chest, felt Levi’s arms around him, fingers playing with his hair. It was wrong and right. “I should be taking care of you,” he insisted weakly, glad that Levi shushed him, stroked his hair gently.

"You always do. Let me take care of you." And they were warm and dry under the covers, Erwin with his socks still on. "This isn’t just for me, Erwin."

Erwin pressed his nose into Levi’s skin, into those bruised nipples he’d spent time pleasuring to ruin. They must hurt still. “I know.”  It felt good to be held. Levi’s fingers kept alive on Erwin’s skin, tracing moles on his shoulders.  He started to doze like this until Levi shook him awake.

"Erwin, you need to get up for a bit." It wasn’t a request, so Erwin rolled off Levi, bottom of his spine tight, neck stiff. Levi kissed him and took off to the bathroom. Erwin listened to the loud sound of piss hitting the water, echoing out of the toilet bowl. Flush. Water from the faucet. He had to pee too.

Levi paused by the bed and smoothed Erwin’s hair, left again, still nude. Erwin floated until Levi returned with tall glasses of cold water. Levi got into bed with him, made him drink. Erwin had done that to Levi once. 

"I feel ridiculous," Erwin admitted as he sat his now empty glass on the nightstand. Levi insinuated himself closer, if at all possible. 

"Why?" Levi asked.

Erwin turned to him, hugged him. “I don’t know. I overreacted.”

"I’m glad you did," Levi said, surprising Erwin who drew back with a frown. Levi looked pensive, eyes searching Erwin over, checking him. "I’d rather you overreact and stop than keep going and not feel right." He dropped his head onto Erwin’s shoulder, found his hand to hold. "I want to be good for you too. Take care of you."

Erwin blinked hard, put his lips to the crown of Levi’s head. “Thank you.”

"Trust me with you," Levi whispered. "I’ve got you too. Whatever we’re doing it’s not just you alone, remember? Couples aren’t alone."

Erwin closed his eyes, extinguishing silently. They brushed their teeth, they laid in bed together. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter ended up just being one scene. It got long. The issues between them are really coming to a head. I hope you enjoy :3 I love all the feedback, thank you. You can message me here or on my tumblr: stillmadaboutpetra
> 
> Also yeah, I switched back to present tense. Oopsies sorry.

Levi wakes up in Erwin’s bed, cozy-curled up in the blankets. He rolls, seeking Erwin in the sheets, a cool draft creeping under the covers with his rooting. There’s gap of space between their bodies; the fact that Levi cannot immediately nudge his face into Erwin’s chest– Erwin always right there behind him – wakes Levi soundly, opens his eyes for him. Erwin’s all the way across the bed, on his side, back to Levi and body practically aligned with the edge of the bed. He manages to look beaten and shunned somehow, the declining slope of his body shrunk and swallowed under the feather comforter.

Erwin’s stricken face fills the sight behind Levis’ eyes. He closes his eyes again, the tension of his frown heavy in his expression, he can feel it. Guilt bubbles up for having caused that break in Erwin. He tries and fails to find the seam that came undone – last night, up until that point, had been amazing. It comes easily, the pleasure of lying under Erwin’s hands, watching the movie and feeling the sweep of Erwin’s palm, the pinch of his fingers. The suck of his mouth.

Levi’s nipples throb in recollection; they’re sensitive even to the drape of the bedsheet. Levi wants to touch them now. He’s half-hard, sleep warm, and Erwin is across the bed from him in shame. Guilt. They found their line.

“Erwin,” Levi says, voice catching with dryness. He coughs, hunkers down in the sheets. Erwin stirs, turns just a little. He’s awake, waiting, no doubt going over last night as well. He had been soaring too until that thunderclap had brought him down.

 _Enough_ , Levi thinks, cutting off any sentimentalizing. He sits up, reaches for Erwin and rolls him flat by his shoulder. Ache doesn’t look good on Erwin. He looks a million. Levi frowns and lies back down, scoots closer to him, tries to become a soft thing against Erwin.

“Morning,” Erwin says, too smart to stay silent and leave his vulnerability at Levi’s mercy. He sounds normal, but he resists melting into Levi.

Levi’s seen Erwin unsure – unsure, but confident. Even when Erwin had obviously been maneuvering around Levi in their early days, slowing circling in with kisses and kindness, the flirt of happiness and tease in their uncovering of each other – even when their had been the mystery of unmapped territory and caution– Levi has never known Erwin to not make a move. To simply lie there without so much as a hand on Levi.

Erwin does not keep his eyes shut.

Wherever Erwin is paying mind to in his head, Levi knows he shouldn’t.

“Erwin…” Levi grimaces. He doesn’t know what the fuck to do either. He seeks the most tender spot on Erwin he can find, burrows his face into the hairy pit of his arms and snorts hot air in a gust. It’s enough to startle and jolt Erwin, make him flinch.

“What are you doing?” Erwin asks, and now his eyes are open, gritty with sleeplessness, gloomy and confused. Levi has the residue of deodorant and sweat on his nose, his lips, wipes it onto Erwin’s flank and shrugs, kisses his way across Erwin’s stomach.

“Dunno. Talk to me.” Erwin’s stomach is soft under Levi’s cheek, rising with steady breaths, and these too feel calculated. Erwin stares at him down the slope of his nose, a terrible angle on any person, even a man as handsome as he. Levi likes it, that topsy-turvy sensation of looking up when Erwin looks down. Erwin’s stomach, empty, barely gurgles under his ear.

Erwin thins his lips, a frown that pudges the corners of his mouth. He delays.

“Don’t even say ‘about what,’ cause you know what,” Levi adds.

Erwin sighs, looks up to his ceiling. His great and large hands lay palm-down on the bed, fingers spread. They’re tense. A twitching pinkie catches Levi’s eye – it stills.

“What do you want me to say?” Erwin asks, weary and distinctly annoyed.

“I don’t know,” Levi mimics his tone of voice, perhaps too harshly given the increasing frown he witnesses. Levi winces and gentles instantly, rubs his cheek against Erwin in apology. “I don’t know,” he repeats softly, “something. How are you feeling?”

Erwin breathes deeply, a long sigh through his nose, a strangled-tight swallow of his throat. Levi watches it all, topsy-turvy sideways. 

“I don’t know,” Erwin answers honestly. “Wrong.” His eyes fall shut until all Levi can see is the gold seem of his lashes. “I feel guilty.”

“But you know-,”

“-Yes, I know,” Erwin speaks over and through Levi’s reassurance. “I know that you wanted me to spank you, that you were okay. I _know_ that, Levi.”

Levi dislikes the exasperation in his voice but assumes it’s not directed at him. Erwin doesn’t blame others for his problems.

“I don’t understand what happened last night,” Levi says. “You made me cry sucking your dick before. You wanted me to cry.” The memory puts darts of red in Erwin’s face, down his neck. Even Levi feels a quickening, still sporting morning wood between his thighs. “And you seemed on board with slapping me around a little.”

“No,” Erwin stops him. He pushes up, finally finding motion and mechanic in his body. Levi scoots lower, readjusts to rest on Erwin’s thighs. “I would never slap you around. Not even to satisfy you.” 

There’s a dark look of fondness there finally, but Erwin is fisting the sheets on either side of his hips yet. Levi tracks the bulge of a blue vein on his arm, how it strains against pale skin in the crook of Erwin’s arm, the wrinkly thinness of the skin. Levi lifts his eyes up to Erwin. “Touch me,” Levi demands.

Understanding clicks behind Erwin’s eyes. A shorter puff of air runs out of his mouth, a reluctant smile. His hand drops heavy on Levi’s face, covering it completely, blocking his sight. Levi grumbles, licks Erwin’s palm. It’s flat and salty tasting. 

“Hey now,” Erwin chides. He tweaks Levi’s nose, returning sight, moves his touch instead to Levi’s hair and scratches at his scalp. He doesn’t look a million anymore. Relief surges through Levi. He squeezes his eyes shut like he can save the sight of Erwin and turns his face into Erwin’s lap, gets the back of his skull pet. 

It feels good and he forgets. He forgets and realizes that the silence is swallowing up time and that Erwin is trying to make him forget. Trying to soothe him and put him at ease. Stupid dickhead. Levi pops upright, surprising Erwin, fixes him with a look.

“You’re not telling me something,” he accuses. 

Erwin folds his face closed very carefully, and Levi knows he’s absolutely right. 

Levi stares expectantly, and all Erwin does is look at him, refusing him. The space of unspoken words floods and fills until Levi drowns on terrible possibilities. 

“Did someone hit you?” 

Erwin sputters: “What?”

“What,” Levi counters, anxiety spilling out of him and heating his voice. “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to think’s going on? Erwin, come on, talk to me. Seriously, please?”

The muscle of his jaw jumps when he clenches his teeth, looking away from Levi with a sharp profile. Looks down. Smirks ruefully. “No one has abused me, Levi.”

He says it oddly, almost lisping over it like it’s a joke. Levi narrows on it.

“You’re thinking you’re abusing me, aren’t you.”

Erwin’s eyes widen, confessing to the far wall. “No,” Erwin says, shaking his head once, reinforcing his words.

“Tell me you don’t really think that,” Levi demands even though Erwin had just denied it. The idea is horrible and ludicrous and he can’t believe Erwin could be so stupid sometimes.

“I don’t, Levi,” Erwin insists, turning towards him. He holds his head tipped down, heavy with guilt, looking at Levi like a beaten old dog under his brows. “I know I’m not.”

Levi frowns at him, no lingering sleepy arousal to him any longer. The space between them crackles, their poses on the bed stiff and unnatural, all the energy kinetic and magnetic like a trap. It lures Levi in, and he wants it to, it makes his hand confident when he clasps the side of Erwin’s neck. 

The touch shocks Erwin. “You’re so little, Levi. You’re just so little.”

Erwin sounds so goddamn dramatic and dire Levi can’t follow him. He snorts, eyebrows quirking up. “Don’t be an asshat.”

“Levi,” Erwin exasperates, taking him by the wrists and holding them pinned together, as if this proves a point.

“Uh-huh. Yep. You’re a big guy,” Levi drawls, unimpressed. “And you’ve never ever scared me once. But if you wanna stop giving me these concerning riddle answers like goddamn Smeagle, that’d be fucking great.” 

Erwin isn’t scaring Levi right now either, just being damn concerning because he hates the idea of Erwin thinking of himself in such a way, and no way it’s from last night all of a sudden. Levi is missing too many pieces to Erwin’s puzzle. 

_“I’m trying,_ ” Erwin hisses, staring at the straight line of Levi’s wrists pressed together willingly, Erwin’s thumb and ring-finger able to lock together around him with just one hand. Levi holds silent, waiting. He wants to run, not from Erwin, but just step out of this moment and run through the city and run until his thighs prickle with hot skin and exhaustion and run until he feels liquid and poured into his own body and high. Erwin holds onto him tighter, clenching now on the edge of pain, all his concentration focused on the thin bones of Levi’s wrists in his hand. And it clicks finally that it doesn’t matter what Levi thinks because right now Erwin can’t see that far into him. Right now, Erwin is stuck. He got stuck last night and Levi thought after cuddling and cleaning up and sleeping, he would wake up fine. But he didn’t; he hadn’t slept, he hadn’t  
rebooted.

_You scared me._  


It may have been Erwin who first whispered that oil-slick word of temptation into Levi’s ear, Boy, lip-kissed and thick where it joined in Levi’s blood. But Levi adored it, craved it after the first taste and anointed Erwin Daddy and then mercilessly dragged him into bed and down into all his whims. Erwin met him each time. They kissed and fucked like they were going to die. Then they napped through the morning news and over ate like prided beasts. But somewhere Levi destabilized Erwin, accidental, all their play upsetting something.

“What went through your head last night when you spanked me? When you asked me for my colour?”

His voice catches Erwin off guard, the pointedness of the questions. Instantly, his hands relax on Levi. Almost curiously, like Levi’s body is a new wonder to him, he uses both of his own hands to peel away Levi’s obedient wrists, to fold his fingers into his palm, splay them out again. It is the idle fiddling of a thinker – there is infinite in the bend of Levi’s muscles and the form of his bones, and Erwin toys with it, slotting his fingers through Levi’s, making them part, pinching at the lined skin of his palm. Erwin’s skin feels rough and dry, but also smooth. Levi will see him in winter and worry over his knuckles splitting from dry office air. Then, he will come to love the smell of a rose salve, he is sure.

“I did it to punish you, like you had mentioned, for not listening. But you made a terrible sound because I hit you so hard – even if you liked it. And then I didn’t know if you were playing or not. You collapsed, Levi, and I – I thought of porn.” Erwin twists his mouth down, eyes on the pink pads of Levi’s fingers. “And I thought of Mike and Nananba and about how young you are.”

Levi breathes out almost silently, trying to follow the thoughts. “Break it down for me more,” he encourages.

Erwin released a noise, a huff, shifts because he has to break it down for himself now to regurgitate it to Levi. “Your generation is exposed to more pornography than ever. Even when we first met, I thought,” he looks nervous, admitting this, “that you were just coming after a fantasy. Older business man.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong.

“And maybe you didn’t know what you wanted, what we were really doing. You were just acting something out that you thought you wanted. That you’d normalized something you weren’t comfortable with without realizing it. You’re just…so young, Levi. So young and wonderful.” Erwin looks at him hopelessly. “I need to be taking care of you.”

Levi nods even if he doesn’t wholly understand – though he’s pretty sure Erwin just psychoanalyzed him or something and insulted his autonomy – “And Mike and Nanaba?”

Erwin’s gaze wavers; he rolls his tongue over his lips. ”They do stuff like we do. It’s where I first got the idea…they’re so happy.”

Levi can’t not interject: “We’re happy.”

When Erwin smiles and claps Levi’s hands together, holds them and says, “yes,” Levi only then realized it’d been too long since they last talked about all this, not since Erwin dubbed them official under his own criteria. They just keep moving forward - going blind.

They share a smile, and despite the tension in the room and the weight of the conversation, Levi knows that they will be okay. Whatever problem they’re dealing with, it’s not one to abandon each other over; it simply must be discussed. 

“You want to be like Mike and Nanaba?” Levi hazards. He’s only talked to Nanaba, but the brief interactions he’s seen between them and Mike looks like that of a happy couple. He can understand the admiration, he supposes. Erwin wants to be married, he wants stability – he has dedicated his life to helping the instable parts of the world, places of inequality. He wants a balance when he comes home, at the very least.

“They’re kinky,” Erwin tells him. He kisses Levi’s palm right in the center, breathes over the dampness of his nerves. “I asked Mike for advice about you, when I called you a little boy.”

Levi makes a face, he can’t help it. It’s not as thought he thinks Erwin doesn’t talk about his sex life with his best friend, but still. “I don’t think Mike likes me very much,” and if Erwin is getting ideas from him… Levi drags his teeth over his lips, locking eyes with Erwin, that familiar horizon-free blue.

“I’m pretty sure,” Levi continues, cheeks hot and full feeling, nervousness filling him up because he knows he’s right before he even says it, “your friends just think I’m a piece of twink ass.”

At Erwin’s look, the reluctant confirmation, Levi drops his head, annoyance having out of him. “Jesus. For fuck’s sake,” he mumbles. “They don’t think I’m scamming you for cash or something, do they?”

“No. No, they don’t. And only Mike’s talked to me about you, really. And he knows you’re not. Maybe he thought that, but he doesn’t think you’re just messing around with me, Levi. He thinks I’m the one in the wrong.”  


Levi jerks his head up. “You?”

Erwin nods his head slightly, expression serious. “I think he’s right.”

Levi’s mind backtracks to that earlier thought that everything is going to be okay because Erwin really sounds crazy now. He pulls away from Erwin, he’s so indignant. 

“Hold the fuck up. Mike said, and you agree with him, that you shouldn’t be dating me?”

He out of bed a second later, trying to find whereeverthefuck Erwin threw his underwear last night.

“Levi, wait. Are you leaving?” Erwin is upset and Levi stops, remembering himself, freezing while bent over with his naked ass in the air, because all this started trying to make Erwin feel better but now ten million stupid things are happening.

“No,” he says, snatching his underwear and pulling them on, grimacing because he can feel a crusted bit of dried precum from last night. He wants to shower. “I’m not leaving. And I love you, just to make sure that’s still clear. I’m just putting on clothes because this is too serious to have my limp dick swinging about and also we should eat some food. Maybe? We should get out of bed. I want to – I need to be doing things. While you talk.”

Erwin stares at him, now standing too, the bed between them. He looks down at himself, judges his own nudity, the gargantuan distraction of his pink monster dick, Levi’s own wild-eyed expression. 

“Clothes, yes,” he agrees. “And breakfast.” He cants his head, looks Levi over. “I love you too, just to make sure that’s clear. And before you run away with what I just said, just because maybe dating a twenty-three year old isn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep doing it.”

Levi sets his jaw. “Good.”

“Good.”

“So eggs, pancakes?” Levi’s already walking out of the bedroom, deciding for Erwin.

“Do we have bacon?” Erwin asks, like ‘we’ and ‘I’ and this giant apartment is all the same to him. A place with him and Levi. Fuck. They needed to talk about moving in together; Petra had asked if she should start looking for a new roommate. Was Levi even allowed to ask that because no way in hell could he afford to split rent with Erwin. He knows just as well that Erwin would never ask him for rent because he sure as shit doesn’t need help with his bills.  
Levi laughs, a hysterical edge to his voice. Fuck everything. “You didn’t buy turkey bacon since the last time I was with you so I’m not touching your nasty pork.”

For a few minutes, they don’t talk. They busy making breakfast, finding routine and normality on their Sunday morning disturbed. The light coming in the glass door and window of the balcony is more golden with fall, almost thick on their skin as they pass through it. Levi cracks eggs, a sound like k-k-k-k-k thought too fast and all at once. Erwin measures out tablespoons of espresso and the ground bits patter into the filter, dry bean rain. 

Erwin does not touch Levi, and Levi knows it’s because inside he’s scared of his own hands and what they can do to Levi, and they will talk about that with artificial syrup in their mouths.

Levi flips a perfectly lopsided golden brown pancake when he speaks: “Hey, Erwin?”

Erwin, who has been setting the table, looks at him even if Levi keeps eyes on the griddle of pancakes. “Yes?”

“I know all that stuff – all the things we clearly need to talk about, that they’re related, that they are part of what upset you last night – I understand that, and we’re going to get to them; but you, just you and not us, are you okay?”

He transfers the cooked pancakes to a plate while he talks and pours new batter on, finally turns and looks at Erwin when the ladle drops back into the bowl. “I don’t want to fight,” and it’s a fight sort of, the word is already out of his mouth anyway, no use debating it’s merit right now, “if what you really need right now is aftercare. We did some last night, but we didn’t get to do more this morning.”

And while Erwin has always gotten his share of the aftercare, the dynamic has been him comforting Levi, playing sweetly with him. Their Sunday mornings have been, always and always, lazy cuddling, leisure time over coffee, making Sunday feel like neither the beginning nor end of anything, just a day to lounge together.

Erwin does not look at him when he answers, hands on the table, back bent. His head hanhs between his shoulders, and only the shift of his hips, the slow arch of his spine, shows that he is stretching out his back and not in a repose of angst. (Even if Levi strongly suspects otherwise.) “No, I’m fine.”

He’s curt and dismissive and not at ease at all. Levi thins his lips, bare foot tapping on the wood floor. It catches Erwin’s attention, and he lifts his head, stormy expression sharpening on Levi, before his eyes widen as he sees the love bites covering Levi, the residual puffiness of his chest – all the signs of heavy worship Erwin paid to him. Erwin’s demeanor shifts; he straightens and looks more at ease, even if tension still runs through him. “Do you wanna take a bath or anything, baby?” 

The change perplexes Levi only for a moment before he realizes what Erwin’s thinking. Ah. God love that man. 

He crosses his arms demurely and turns back to the pancakes, flipping them hastily. A one-shoulder shrug. “I wouldn’t mind one…I’m kind of cold, honestly, but I don’t think I wanna wear a shirt…”

He’s probably going to hell for making Erwin feel guilty right now, but Levi doesn’t know how else to get him to chill out. He’s absolutely not fine. And Levi needs the time to think anyway so he can figure out what Erwin’s said earlier. 

Then Erwin’s in the kitchen, radiating body heat, looking concerned and slightly confident because he knows what to do when Levi needs something. “Why don’t you go put on sweatpants or borrow one of my sweatshirts. I’ll finish the pancakes.”

So Levi gives him the spatula and says a little “okay.”

Erwin still doesn’t ruffle his hair like he normally would, but it’s an improvement. Levi closes the bedroom door behind him and lets out a panicky breath, any cool crumbling instantly. He clamps a hand over his mouth, muffling himself and darts for his discarded jeans, ripping his cellphone out and texting Petra.

To the soulmate: im fighting with Erwin and its probs gonna be fine but im kind of freaking out

He chucks it onto the bed and goes to the walk in closet to root through a carrier for a sweatshirt. He finds Erwin’s big beat up Brown University hoodie when his phone vibrates. Back to the bed.

From the soulmate: wat do u mean ur fighting how r u texting?

To the soulmate: hes making breakfast

From the soulmate: if he’s making you breakfast I don’t think ur really fighting. But whatever is happening, take a breath. And u know if its bad to just leave :\

Levi takes a long breath through his nose, lungs filled to the burst, skin of his chest itchy with tightness. He blows it out.

To the soulmate: right nvm. Ill see u later. <3

He plugs his phone into Erwin’s charger and pulls on Erwin’s sweatshirt. It swallows him up, but the fabric is so worn and used it feels nice. He has to cuff the sleeves twice, and just because he can, he pulls the floppy hood up before he goes back out to Erwin.

The pancakes are on the table, and Erwin’s poking at scrambled eggs over the stove. When he turns and sees Levi in his old hoodie, he smiles brightly. 

They’re okay, they’re okay, Levi repeats to himself, strutting to Erwin and into his touch which now waits for and welcomes him. Erwin flips back the hood and kisses Levi at the part of his hair. 

“You know, that doesn’t fit me at all anymore. I think you should keep it,” Erwin says, lips brushing against his hair.

“How very coed.” He reaches past Erwin and steals a morsel of egg that’s yellow and firm, buttery and salty to the taste. “Kay, feed me now.”

They sit and eat at what is essentially the breakfast nook, another unnecessary portion of Erwin’s apartment that Levi adores, the little section cut away. He squeezes his chair in as close as possible so he can stretch his legs beneath the table and prop his feet in Erwin’s lap. Erwin holds them with one hand, absently massaging his thumb into the arch of Levi’s foot, first one, then the other, plays with his toes while Erwin navigates breakfast with right hand alone. Levi pours him coffee and cream and refuses to do anything other than act normal. 

In fact, he doesn’t have to refuse anything. He affectionately wiggles his toes against Erwin’s junk through his cotton pants - Erwin holds his feet still and smiles at him comfortably. The leisure of Sunday returns, slowly filling Levi as the sound of bathwater echoes from the bathroom, Erwin filling the tub while Levi washes the dishes in a sink of bubbles. His hands pink and prune before he even gets to the tub to find Erwin half-submerged, lavender scented bubbles drifting aimlessly, clotting at his hairy thighs, the crease of his belly. Levi winces as his cold feet sink down and in, his leg hair floating away from his body.

The water splashes up against the tub walls when he sits, sloshing like he is a leviathan raised and the sea wants to spill over and boil. Erwin fits Levi between his spread legs and holds him tight, rests his chin on Levi’s shoulder. Water trickles down Levi’s chest, over the soreness there. The intensity, the definition of each droplet, distracts him. He feels in a world of his own as Erwin scoops handfuls of water to drip over his shoulders. 

Then Erwin holds him; he wraps an arm around Levi’s middle and closes his hand on his waist. His hold is as good as a washing, as cleansing. Few things make Levi feel as secure as Erwin’s good solid grip on him do. 

Erwin kisses his ear next, his temple. He holds his lips against the blunt fuzz of Levi’s undercut, the short hairs contentious pricks against his lips. The kiss is not really a kiss but something of despair. His grip is sure and his lips ache where they wait.

Levi holds his breath prematurely. 

"We’re not fighting, Levi," Erwin says, sounding like himself, voice smooth, polished, like a mineral buffed till all the rough edges were beaten away and it shined. Erwin beat away whatever made his voice waver. His grip is sure on Levi’s hip. The hand not holding him - how often that seems, a hand holding him and a hand not holding him - the hand not holding him brings up another insubstantial palm of water to run down Levi’s chest. It sends Levi’s heart racing. 

"Probably not," Levi agrees, heel sliding along the clean base of the tub, squeaking as skin rubs on ceramic. "But I’m not okay with things right now."

He sets his jaw, determined. Erwin nods, lips grazing up and down along the back of his ear. Levi’s skin flashes gooseflesh under the hot water.

"I’m sorry," and Erwin does sound it. It only bothers Levi, that apology. 

"Do you even know what you’re sorry for?" He snaps a little, temper quick, still raw and young and cracking all the time. Erwin splashes water on him, as if to make him cool, fingers readjusting on his hip as if to keep him contained.

"You’re upset."

"Oh for fuck’s sake, Erwin." The loudness bounces around the room, off mirrors and tiles and hard-line walls. "You should be sorry for what you said to me."

He twists and Erwin is looking out-past him, eyes squinted. He has terrible bags, no sleep, long work hours. Levi despises this discontent and the exhaustion on Erwin. 

"You said you don’t trust me," Levi clarifies. Erwin's gaze refixes - the sweep and latch of blue _blueblueblue_ goldlashes and pinky-pale inner eye of a name Levi does not know. Petra might. Or Hanji. Maybe even Erwin. Names for parts that no one cares about, not after cornea, pupil, iris. Levi doesn’t know the parts just _blueblueblue._

"I never said that," Erwin says simply.

"Yes you did. You said you don’t think I know what I want." Levi tries to keep his fire down. "You don’t trust me to know what I want.’

Erwin resets his mouth, puts it in a thin line, the corners tucked and pinched. 

"You know, Erwin, sometimes you talk to me and it’s like you’re giving me all these conclusions from a one-sided conversation we never even had and you’re just like - you’re in your own head instead of with me when you need to be with me."

It all comes out in a rush and Levi hates this. He hates chasing after the scraps of Erwin’s logic. Herding cats and catching smoke. Erwin’s mind goes and goes. Anything from work - a casual conversation about this or that suddenly has him scribbling on a notepad and talking under his breath - to deciding the rightness of their relationship.

"I’m with you."

"Are you?"

"I’m with you."

They stare at each other, one looking for conviction, the other sincere; Levi untwists, straightens and sinks lower, head knocked back onto Erwin’s shoulder to rest. “If you can’t trust me to know what I want in bed, how can you trust me to know what I want in anything - with you?”

"Oh, Levi," Erwin sighs. "Just trust me."

Levi barks a merciless laugh. “Jesus, Erwin.”

He can feel the hard knock of Erwin’s heart against his back. Erwin exhales, a cool stream of air on Levi’s damp shoulder. “What’s the point of being with someone this old if you won’t accept a little wisdom.”

Levi blinks hard to himself. “Are you fucking for real right now?”

Another sigh. “Just wait, Levi. Let me explain what I mean.”

So he does.

"This is not a fault in you, but you’re young. As clever as you are and as quick of a pick up as you are, you don’t have the life experience I have. People might not change as rapidly now as they did a few years ago for you, highschool, college. It’s a little slower after that time, but every year really does do so much. You’re a whole person, a wonderful person whom I love, but you’re still so young."

" _Yeah,_ ” Levi bites bitterly. 

"It’s not bad, Levi. It’s normal. Trust your gut, always, that’s the best start. But I have a bigger gut and twenty years on you. I feel things differently."

Levi licks his lips, red faced and gut churning. His voice cuts and mocks when he speaks; “So you know best, huh? _Daddy knows best?_ ” 

"Yes."

Levi’s eyes widen and then he’s twisting again, water slapping at their skin. Erwin looks firm, resolved. Patient. He quirks an eyebrow at the outrage on Levi’s face, and something about it undoes Levi. It unravels the tension of him and he slumps down in the water again, facing Erwin this time. Erwin sits up and leans forward, hands on Levi’s knees.

"I do not presume nor want your obedience, Levi. And trust is something under trial, constantly. It can break if we neglect it. Question me, Levi, for your own benefit, to catch any oversight of mine, but trust me to always be thinking with your best interest in mind. I trust you, I do. I know you will not accept what isn’t right, what doesn’t feel right. You’re too finicky for anything less than you deserve."

Levi swallows, mind snatching at the words, sorting them. They sound so good but there are parts missing. “What about when I think you’re not being good to yourself?”

"I’m in a bubble bath now, aren’t I?" Erwin’s face is soft, his mouth almost a smile. Levi snorts. "You watch out for me."

"I do," Levi agrees readily. "You’re a stubborn ass sometimes though."

"One of my less charming traits," Erwin admits with a sigh. He runs his hands up Levi’s thighs, then jumps to his arms and finally drags wet fingers through short hair. 

"Last night…was it really about me? Or did you not trust yourself?"

Erwin’s mouth goes slack and he looks away. “Both. Mostly, it just…shocked me. I did it wrong,” he shakes his head, frowning. “It didn’t feel right.”

Levi thinks that’s as much as he’ll get right now. They can try again another time because they have the time. They’ll figure it out.

He leans in and Erwin meets him there, kisses him, wet palm holding his cheek. It feels a bit like sealing a deal, a signature. Ink tongues, the release of breath against each other a resolution.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmygod sorry this took over a month to update. Between writers block and general insanity .... Ugh. Things should be steadier after this tho. thank you for your support and comments, I love them :D 
> 
> Enjoy!!

The wound of Erwin’s drop, his vibrating fear and Levi’s oscillating moments of comfort and wired-doubt stilt their recovery. In a way, they regress,. They love intimately and shelter it. Their exchanged keys grow cold.

Erwin responds to the shift by throwing himself into his work. Levi lets him. He lets him because he knows this is how Erwin copes and he can say “it’s okay” a million times but it won’t fix anything. It won’t fix the fact that neither of them know what they’re doing (even if Erwin says otherwise) and it won’t fix the fact that Erwin’s hands shake when he holds Levi’s hips, and he can’t keep an erection.

~~~

President Zackly calls Erwin to his office at 4pm on Monday. Bad news. Bad news at the end of the day at the beginning of the week. Erwin adjusts his sterling silver cufflinks and steps into Zackly’s office.

"We’re halting the move in Jamaica."

Erwin grips the arms of the chair he’s in, restraining himself from jumping out of his seat. “Why?”

Zackly’s mouth pulls tight at the corners then relaxes. “It’s temporary; we’re redispersing funding to another project in Monte Horet. Construction will only be pushed back two years.”

"And what does my team do in the meantime?" They’ve been working on this site for five years. The details were ironed out. It was supposed to happen. 

Zackly nods, like he sympathizes. “There’s a possibility that you can get funding from an outside source. Cert-Oil is attempting a face lift, rumor has it. Go lobby to them, make a partnership. You know Dawk over there don’t you?”

Erwin smiles tightly. “I do.”

~~~~

Levi keeps busy, turning to Pixis ready and keen, taking on portfolios and accounts, thumbs taking on ink from stock market section of newspapers. He lets Erwin figure it out for himself. He waits, not inactive, but patient.

Maybe a little impatient.

Erwin pampers him in his absence, filling the cliché mold awaiting him. A lover who sends gifts instead of kisses, a man who cannot keep the maintenance of his life up to task and flees to the squared walls of his office.

Levi answers the knock to the apartment door to face another vase of flowers, a bouquet of dreaming colours, hyacinth that bleed and ooze their perfume and sad story into the well of Levi’s arms. He thanks the delivery guy, closes the door. Petra flicks the page of her magazine pointedly.

Every surface of the apartment has flowers on it. Levi has given Petra at least three boxes of sweets. Yesterday, a bag of groceries was left on their doorstep.

“Why doesn’t he do something useful like pay off your loans? Or my loans. Hmm?” Another snap of shiny magazine paper. “Get him to pay off my debt.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll text him about it now.” Levi sets the bouquet down, inhaling its richness deeply before he brings out his phone.

To Erwin: thank you for the flowers. Again.

He doesn’t expect to get an answer anytime soon.

“What’d you say?” Petra asks.

“I thanked him.” Levi would never not thank Erwin, though he does hope his sentiments gets across. As in ‘stop sending me flowers and actually talk to me.’ It will get across, Erwin’s too keen not to understand; it will probably be ignored.

To Erwin: can I have a box of oranges next time? I had a really yummy one today. If you come over to brunch this weekend we can have fresh orange juice.

It’s worth a shot.

Levi sends the text off and tosses his phone onto the couch. It hits the seat cushion, bounces and thuds to the ground. Well. At least he has a protective case. It can take a little battering. He throws himself to the couch next, thankfully not sliding off and hitting the ground, though his foot clips Petra’s arm and the magazine slips from her lap. Petra picks it up, lays it over Levi’s feet and powers on while Levi mopes.

Yes, he’s moping. It’s terrible.

Levi mopes and covers his face, sighing and trying to compel himself into a gentle coma, or at least a nap. It doesn’t work very well. Petra continues to ignore him, too many words bottled up inside her. When Levi finally gives over to boredom and neediness, he starts whining, nudging his feet at her.

“Alright, what?” She concedes, giving him the attention he quietly craves. He knew she would, as he knew she had been holding back  _her judgments_ , waiting for him to talk. Later. Many shots later, he will crawl into bed with her, punch-drunk, wailing and howling on idiotic laughter and he’d feel a little younger and a little lighter with her — not by very much, he can only shrink so much before he vanishes— and then he would talk to her. She will wait till then.

“I’m so bored.” He digs his feet against her, the obnoxious brother she’s earned through the investment of their friendship.

"Theeeeeeeeeen, let’s go out." Petra says this without any reservations, mouth upturned. Her magazine is open to a flirting tips section and something about eyeliner. Levi glances at the shiny page, up to Petra, considers and agrees.

"Manhole?" he suggests.

"Manhole."

~~

 _Manhole_  is the three story queer epicenter of Levi’s nocturnal defeats. It’s a place of memories: the bathroom he threw up in, the window he puked out of, the corner he fell asleep in, the time he got pickpocketed, the time he got laid…

The lower level is respectable. You can go there for brunch if you wanted to. It’s a bar, a restaurant, a, well, not a classy place but a fun place. Floor two is a stage, a bar, depending on the night there is seating. It provides various forms of entertainment from drag to burlesque to stand up. Top floor is dance hell.

They buy drinks on the second floor, shots, then they migrate downstairs to look pretty. Petra finds a boi in a snapback with triceps to kill a man. Levi knows he’s angling for something he shouldn’t be, wearing running tights and one of Petra’s floaty racer back tanks that puts his shoulders and neck out there like fucking sweet delicious hamsteaks, but Erwin isn’t here to buy him drinks and he’s spoiled on a lifestyle now over rich men doting on him.

He checks his phone for a message from Erwin ten bazillion times before someone asks to get him a beer.

A beer.

Christ, is he losing his edge?

“I don’t drink carbonation when I dance,” he says, leaning his body towards and out and he gets a vodka cranberry. It only costs him eye contact. The guy is his age, maybe a few years older, less than 30 though. He’s in a neon geometric print t-shirt. That’s all that really registers, when Levi recollects later. Only because Erwin doesn’t own jack shit like that. He’s brought Erwin here and Erwin wore a button down and Levi cuffed his sleeves for him, couldn’t get them to his elbows even because the fabric cinched too tight around Erwin’s muscled forearms. They watched a few drag queens sing; Levi sang on the street walking home, swinging Erwin’s hand and Erwin kept looking at him like he was the million bucks. They didn’t even fuck that night either, Levi remembers, just watched some funny movie and kissed and went to bed.

Petra finds him before he has to pretend interest much longer and they vanish their ways up to the third floor, just enough vodka in their systems to make them appropriately assholish enough to acquire a space of their own on the dance floor. It’s not packed by any means, none of that sweat-sharing, but an unchecked elbow could knock into someone. It’s good. Its crowded enough Levi doesn’t worry that anyone’s watching. It’s just him and Petra clowning, kissy-faces, booty-shakes, the whole nine yards of awful.

He gets hot. He leaves Petra by a pole dancer and goes downstairs to buy his own cranberry vodka with lots of ice because he’s  _hot_. The cooler downstairs snaps the sweat on his skin. He drinks his drink, runs into a crowd of people and somehow ends up with a shot and a few confusing claps on the back. He rolls with it. It’s nice, even if he shudders with the urge to shower as skin pulls tacky on his own.

Petra is…not where he left her. Mostly because he left her standing on her own two feet and now she is on one foot, the other off the ground because her leg is around some person’s waist and  _there is a strange person’s thigh rubbing against her you-know-what_.

Girrrl gonna get laid.

Levi does not interrupt because he cares about Petra and therefor cares about her clit. He slouches against the wall and checks his phone. There’s a message from Erwin:  _I won’t always work this much_.

Levi snorts, laughs to himself, drunk enough that he doesn’t care. He puts his phone away, tucking it into his tights, cool case against his stomach. Lolling his head against some grody brick wall, craggy and uncomfortable, he stares out at the dancing crowd, sour and unpleasant. It feels like something is eating him up. He doesn’t remember aloneness bothering him before, it feels like a long time ago he felt bothered by it. Maybe he’s had too much company lately.

It’s a sulky thought, an old one. He used to wish he could turn himself off and simply ‘operate’ in life, that it would be better that way. Easier. Childish fantasies of peeling away his skin and finding wires, clean green data boards slotted into the fibers of his bones. But he’s flesh and blood and has all its wonders and troubles.

All musings are cut short when he looks for Petra again and sees…well…it seems that the body Petra is grinding on actually belongs to one Dr. Hanji. Hanji as in Erwin’s friend. One of his employees.  _His Q._

Oh….dear.

At the same time, Hanji sees him. They have turned around with Petra so that Petra’s sweet swinging back is to Levi and Hanji has clear sight over her shoulder to zero-in on Levi.

"Fuck," Levi says.

Hanji throws their head back and laughs and it makes Petra bring her foot down and look over her shoulder. There is shouted conversation between them to hear over the boom of the music. Petra’s face does some stuff that Levi can’t make out the dark-and-flashing lighting, but they come over to him.

"Levi!" Hanji looks happy, a little manic, possibly drunk. They squash Levi into a sweaty, sticky hug. Luckily, they crushed his arms down at his sides and shake him so he doesn’t have to pretend to hug back \- simply endure. "Whoa, hi, Weird! Guess who I found! Petra!"

Yes. Drunk. But so is Levi. 

Petra tucks hair behind her ear and fans herself and gives Levi a sideways apologetic look that says ‘ _I didn’t mean to start getting freaky with your Daddy’s friend.’_

"Weeeiiirrrddd," Petra agrees. 

All three of them exchange eye contact, back and forth - Levi’s head feels a little wobbly and his vision liquid. Music blares, people dance.

Hanji claps their hands together and laughs nervously. “Downstairs?”

"Yes," Petra says for them both; she takes a willing Levi by the hand and spears their way through any fleshy-obstacles. The stairs to below are winding and narrow and Levi thinks that is a horrible design decision. They go down both flights to the first floor and Hanji flutters about, nudging them into a booth that’s conveniently open.

"I’ll get you two drinks. Levi?"

Hanji is smiling and clever and her hand is brushing over the back of Petra’s neck. Levi orders the most expensive thing he can think of off the top of his head.

Hanji’s fingers, nails very trimmed, split a section of Petra’s hair into quarters, strands falling down like leaves. They go.

Petra titters, grins, taps her fingers against the table. “So Hanji is a friend of Erwin’s.”

Levi drops his face into his hands, shoulders slumping, shuddering once on a laugh. “Yep.”

He hears her finger tapping. “So should I not—”

"Go ahead," he says with a wave of his hand, lifting his head and spying Hanji at the bar, waiting their turn. Hanji, as far as Levi knows, is a person of cunning influence. He can recall the night he met them and their interest in Petra even then, simply because Petra was a scientist - if a high school teacher. Levi knows, somehow, that Petra will fall in love with them.

~~

Petra’s peeing, probably swaying and giggling on the toilet too. Hanji reaches across the table to take Levi’s hand, bright and earnest.

"Did you tell Erwin I’m here?"

"No," Levi says suspiciously. 

“Great. Can you not?” 

“Maybe.” Levi says in about the same tone of voice. “Why not?” 

Hanji knocks their knuckles against the tabletop a few times, twitching their nose. “I want to ask Petra out. But I don’t want Erwin to worry about too many lines crossing at work.” 

Levi frowns. “I don’t know what that means.” 

Hanji sighs and gestures broadly with their hand. “I don’t want to deal with the scenarios that will inevitably evolve if I date Erwin’s ten-year-old boyfriend’s bestfriend-roommate.” 

“Fuck you. And he won’t care. Why’s-it matter?” Levi taps his foot against the floor. “I don’t wanna lie to him.” Some _Q_. 

“It’s not _really lying,_ it’s just a little white lie. A lie of omission. Like how Erwin never wanted anyone to know about you. We just keep this private.” 

Levi swallows and looks away. Petra’s sliding into the booth. Her hands smell like cherry-almond soap. 

“Did I miss anything?” She asks, taking a sip of her beer. 

Hanji stares at Levi. “No,” he says. 

~~~ 

‘I may or may not be throwing up in Hanji’s guest bathroom.’

Ten seconds later, Erwin calls. Levi holds his vibrating cellphone in a tightly clenched hand. This response tells him two things: Erwin has been screening his texts and that this text he’s deemed worthy to respond to - with a phone call. It’s both comforting and annoying. 

Levi scoots into the corner between the toilet and the bathtub and answers it. “Hi,” he says quietly, voice scratchy from bile, sounding appropriately miserable.

"You’re throwing up in Hanji’s bathroom?" Erwin asks, not quite as sympathetic as Levi had hoped. There’s an edge to his curiosity that makes Levi want to puke again. He lets his head fall back against the wall and stares at the dirty caulk along the bathtub. 

"Uh-huh." He skims his gaze from the caulk to the limey shower spout. 

"Why are you there?"

Levi knew he’d ask that. He’d want to know why Levi is with Hanji - not that he’s puking. 

"Because we ran into each other and they invited me and Petra over and we’re best friends now," Levi spits. There’s stomach acid on his tongue. 

"I see," Erwin says placidly, completely ignoring Levi’s tone. "Were you out drinking?"

The shower spout glistens and blurs with a sudden swell of tears. “You don’t even care that I’m sick,” he says, words catching, sticky and wobbling. 

"What? Of course I do."

"Then why — you’re like, giving me the third degree." Levi sniffs, tilts his head back to keep his leaking fluids inside, will useless tears back. 

"I’m not," Erwin defends. Levi talks over whatever he’s about to say next, head pounding and swimming, full of blood cause his face is so hot.

"If I tell you I don’t feel good you’re supposed to say ‘Baby, what’s wrong,’ not interrogate me on why I’m violating the precious sanctity of your friend’s bathroom and shit - and Hanji’s bathroom is dirty anyway. I’m not even doing anything."

It’s garbled and wet and he’s crying on Hanji’s bathroom floor and clutching the phone so hard it’s shaking against his ear. The first little soap bubble pop of anger and - and it’s more than anger, it’s hurt - has unleashed a whole crash of them and Levi’s control dissolves just like that. His attempts to swallow his crying just makes it brittle until it cracks and he sobs unpleasantly, a cough and a cry. He claps a hand over his mouth to stifle it, trying to listen above the own sound of his panic for Hanji and Petra, praying they’re deaf to it. 

They’re probably kissing, whispering, touching.

“Levi,” Erwin is saying into his ear. “Levi, baby, what’s wrong?”  Now he’s concerned, straining between soothing softness and a demand for an explanation. There is nothing mocking in his question, the phrase natural, purposeful. What Levi wanted all along. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Levi wants to reign it in and simply talk but he’s drunk and trapped in his emotions. 

“Hanji told me. Okay Erwin? That I’m your dirty little secret. You didn’t want anyone to know about me.” 

Okay so maybe Hanji hadn’t said that exactly but it was implied. 

“What? Levi, you know that’s not true.”

“Then how come — how come everyone laughed at me that night when I came over? _They didn’t even know my name._ " He scrubs at his wet cheeks. 

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, a long breath. No denial. God Damnit, Erwin. At least deny it.

“You’rd not really in a good state for us to be having—”

—“Do not even fucking business-professional me,” Levi all but wails, pulling at his hair. 

(Erwin’s right though. This isn’t the right time. Levi knows he’s right and hates it.)

“Okay,” Erwin agrees, steady. So steady. Levi wishes he were here with him to steady him and his ragged breathing.

“H-hold on,” Levi gasps, putting his phone down. He scrubs his hands across his eyes, hiccuping — his stomach rushes unpleasantly and he leans over the toilet again, clutching the bowl and spitting up. Based on taste, he thinks that was his cranberry vodka in reverse. 

He leaves Erwin dangling on the other end of the line, hopefully unable to hear Levi’s wretching (but when is he ever that lucky,) and goes to the sink to splash cold water on his face and rinse out his mouth. He slumps down again right after, thinned and exhausted. 

God. What the Fuck was he doing right now?

The phone weighs his hand down when he lifts it up again.

“Are you okay?” Erwin asks softly, a question prompted out of decorum when he knew very well Levi was not okay.

“Yeah,” Levi says, following the script. He laughs sickly. 

“Should I come get you?”

Levi wipes the back of his index finger under his eyes to rid them of tears clinging to his eyelashes. “No. I’m fine.”

It’s so far from convincing that Erwin laughs in his throat and Levi can hear it. “Levi.”

“God, shut up,” Levi groans, dropping his head into his knees. He’s pulled into himself and back against the toilet. He reaches up blindly and flushes it.

“You’re not a dirty little secret,” Erwin goes on in a rhythmic beat, but there’s a hushed urgency to his tone. Concern, stress. He’s been so stressed these days. “Not at all. I am so - so - so,” he’s stuttering now. Maybe it’s a compliment, that Levi can do this, but it’s also a haunting hesitation, skipping, lurching, unpronounced, “grateful. I am so grateful for you and your love, Levi.”

 Levi sniffs. “Grateful?”

“Yes.” There’s a clattering in the background, Erwin moving. “I’m grateful for you. Hanji’s not incorrect, I’ll admit, I didn’t reveal you to my friends. I _was_ nervous. maybe still am. You know my hesitations.”

Levi nods to himself, settling down some. he still feels shaky but not because of this or Erwin. “Cause I’m young.”

Erwin hums. “I’m not ashamed of you. Never of you,” he says firmly. “You’re my boy, my beautiful boy. Do you understand?”

Levi’s biting his lip and smiling now, queezy warm. “Yeah.” He rolls his cheek against his kneecap, phone snug to his ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Levi. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel this way. We can talk about this more later, alright?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Drink some water and take an aspirin, get some sleep. Are you in the guest room?”

“Yeah.”

“Hanji usually keeps spare blankets in a trunk under the bed if you get cold. I’ll come get you and Petra tomorrow morning.”

Levi blinks. “Uhhhh.”

Whoops. 

“Uh?”

“Uhhhh. Petramightbebusygettingeatenout.”

“Oh.” Erwin clears his throat. “That’s… interesting.”

Levi bites his lip, laughs. “You know kids these days.”

Erwin chuckles lightly. “Indeed, I do. Intimately. Perhaps I’ll take a cue from Hanji.”

Levi swallows, hot flashing down him. Drunkenness pronouncing his emotions and reactions despite the sedated cloud it puts his limbs under. “Oh okay that’s cool yeah.”

He can hear Erwin’s smile, taste it curling up. “Goodnight, Levi. Feel better. I’ll be over in the morning.”

“Thanks. Night Erwin. Thanks…”

He stays on the floor a little longer, floating, before he rouses himself to find mouthwash.

~~~

Levi goes back to sleep in a newly empty guest room and wakes up the same way. Hanji’s in the kitchen making coffee when Levi joins them, headache mild. 

“You had a rough night,” they greet, getting him a mug and orange juice. 

“And you didn’t.”

Hanji pretends to fan themselves and laughs. “That’s debatable.”

“Gross.”

Levi debates telling Hanji that their cover is blown. that Erwin knows they did the didly with Petra. He wonders if it’s the issue Hanji worries it is. or maybe Hanji has rampant hesitations in common with Erwin. That the ten years between them and Petra isn’t different than the twenty between him and Erwin. does it even matter, a decade or two? Levi can wake up and fall asleep beside the same man everyday and be happy.

 

“Do you guys want salmon cakes? I have some left over mashed potatoes I need to dispose of, and you know the motto: reduce, reuse, and recycle.”

Hanji smiles pleasantly, not even waiting for Levi’s go-ahead before they start pulling out other ingredients. “So did you have fun?”

Levi lifts his eyebrows, nods. Grunts something ambiguous. He cried on their dirty bathroom floor…except he had fun earlier that night. Fun was had. He wonders if this is them trying to ask if he’s okay. 

Hanji glances at him while they drain a can of salmon. “I had fun! You guys are cool. I wish I was still in my twenties,” they whine.

Levi sips his coffee. 

“But you’ll keep me hip, right? I’m jealous that Erwin has you. He’s so much happier since meeting you.” They laugh. “God, I feel so bad, I thought he was gonna be a sad old man forever. Talk about depressing.”

Levi is listening acutely as Hanji goes on and on, mixing food and chattering. 

“You have no idea. I love Erwin so much, he’s done so much for me. He’s a good man - just sad. It was me and him, you know? We’d be each other’s date when we go out with Mike and Nana, but if we didn’t do that…..He wasn’t doing stuff. I can actually ask him about his weekend now without feeling guilty. Wish I’d known that months ago. But you guys were just fucking all the time right?”

  Levi blinks at them, steadily drinking. Hanji stares him down, clearly angling, before grinning and shrugging.

“Ill take that as a yes. Anyway~~ now I can go out with Petra while you and Erwin do your thing and everyone’s happy.”

Levi pokes his tongue into his cheek and sets his mug down. “Petra’s a big girl and she doesn’t need me to defend her honour.”

He leaves it at that. Hanji nods eagerly.

“If I hurt her you kill me, got it.”

Levi smirks, chin in hand. There is oil spitting hot now in a pan. “I’ll just make my boyfriend fire you.”

“Ha!” Hanji throws back their head. “Erwin would die without me.”

Levi only sulks a little. “Okay but I could make him make you do….paperwork. Or something.” 

Hanji eats a piece of raw onion like the heathen god they are.

Petra is only just slinking out of Hanji’s room, clearly after a good night, when there’s a knock on the door. For a moment Levi is as confused as everyone else before he remembers that it’s probably Erwin and that Hanji’s attempt to keep Petra a secret has been instantly spoiled. Levi feels zero guilt.

"Heey Erwin," Hanji says when they open the door.  Then: "do you have a tracking chip in Levi or something?"

Erwin smiles and gives them a smoothie (he came baring gifts.) “I do. Don’t tell him.”

He sweeps into the room, bags under his eyes but caffeine in his step. “Good morning, Petra,” he says giving her a smoothie as well, speaking nothing about the Johns Hopkins t-shirt he knows isn’t hers.

 

The five seconds it takes Erwin to get to him are quietly killing Levi, but when Erwin walks right up to him and kisses him on the mouth and then the forehead, the final blow lands. Erwin cups his cheek and looks down to him, care knitting his brows. “How do you feel this morning, baby?”

Levi opens his mouth, closes it, settles for slumping against Erwin’s chest. Erwin rubs his back.

It’s nice.

He’s not even that embarrassed either. 

"Too early for this much gay," Petra whispers, edging around them into the kitchen with Hanji.

~~

"Hanji’s gonna wash the sheets, right?" Levi asks as he roots under the covers for his socks kicked off in sleep. 

"Don’t fuss," Erwin advises.

"They don’t wash the sheets between guests, do they? Actually, don’t tell me." He pulls on his socks and shoos Erwin off he bed. "Help me make it up." 

"To my knowledge, I’m the last person to have slept here before you." Erwin tucks the sheet under the mattress while Levi pulls up the comforter. He watches Levi; he’s made him doubt and hurt. He reaches out, takes a thin wrist.

“Come home with me,” Erwin says, too prideful to plead.

Levi doesn’t mind; he’s a bit tired for it anyway. “Home where? Your home?”

“Where else?”

Levi goes quiet, hanging onto the curling end of Erwin’s question, the charming thoughtlessness.

“How bout our home?”

He volunteers the idea indifferently, lays it out simple and clean - make the home one and whole. Levi has simple wants on his mind. Levi wants to crawl into bed with Petra and watch movies till the laptop gets loud and hot on top of their flat bellies — and then he wants to slip from her company and buttercream pink bed sheets and nestle into the custard softness of Erwin’s love, fold right into his arms like sugar and whipped cream.

“Our home?” Erwin echoes, picking up the neat pieces of Levi’s simple yearnings: his face made up of handsome consideration. When Levi holds silent, blinking slowly and turning into sugar and whipped cream in Erwin’s hands, Erwin breathes in through his nose, practical debates flowing through him. Levi can’t hear the breath but he imagines, seeing the flair of Erwin’s nostrils, the air running cool through the mossy growth of stiff nose hairs.

“Come home to me,” Erwin says. Nice and neat.

Levi folds in against him, tucks sweetly to his chest how they both liked.

“Sounds good.”

~~~

When they come out of the guest bedroom, Hanji pouts and waves their spatula. “You sure you don’t want salmon cakes?”

Levi double checks how gross he feels. how much grosser eating fried fish-potato-onion cakes will make him feel. “I really want to shower. next time. Thanks though.”

Erwin waves off the offer as well. “As much as I love your cooking, I want to get him home.”

Levi smiles as he ties his shoe. 

Petra makes kissy  noises into the air. “Bye barf-breath.”

"1999 called they want their insult back."

"Ew, whatever, go be gay with your boyfriend."

Erwin waits by the door, accustomed. “I’m bi,” he says but is ignored.

"Who you calling gay, ya big queer."

"You’re queer!"

"Queer!"

The two of them devolve into shouting “queer” at each other so Erwin bodily drags Levi out of the apartment, looking unmistakabley blessed, calling a good-bye over his shoulder.

~~

Erwin takes the towel from his waist and up to his hair to rub it dry. He thinks to himself, as he does every single time he does this, that Nana told him not to do this because it causes breakage. It never stops him. It slows him just a moment - he should worry about his hair. What if it starts falling out? — He can’t be a bald old man. But then he towels it dry anyway because he never remembers past the moment of realization to do otherwise. Like now. 

 He’s doing that when a cool toe runs of the inside of his thigh. Levi’s poking at him harmlessly, little foot nudging here and there, up against his balls. It’s a little weird, but not that unusual. 

 ”Your balls are really big,” Levi notes.

 It’s best to just let him be. Erwin smooths his damp hair and shrugs. 

 ”Why do balls sag so much? It’s like they’re trying to escape.” Levi lifts his foot, lifting Erwin’s sac as well, balancing it. Jiggling it. Is this what Erwin has to look forward to in married life?

 ”I think they’re getting closer to hell. Eventually, your balls will get so low that the earth splits apart and Satan reaches up and takes them. I think I saw that in a documentary once, bout old people.”

 It’s completely reasonable for Erwin to tbag Levi at this point.

He throws the towel at Levi’s face, covering his head with it. Then he springs. Levi’s just pulled the towel off when Erwin tackles him onto the bed, eliciting a high-pitched squeal as his fingers find homes in the skittish flesh along Levi’s ribs.

"You motherfucker," Levi howls, sharp laughs, hands flailing. Erwin grins and laughs, pinning him down and mounting his hips. Levi struggles fruitlessly, thrusting up, bucking. "Get your saggy balls off me."

"No," Erwin grins. He leans down and licks a long stripe up Levi’s cheek, silencing his complaining and making him go bug-eyed. 

The rest of the day, Erwin has to guard against Levi pinching his nipples in extended retaliation.

~~


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit note: I threw in a paragraph at the pre-dinner scene

Erwin and Petra sit on Levi's bed to spectate Levi packing. It's surprisingly thrilling. 

"Look at that mastery," Petra stage-whispers a voice full of awe. "Rumor has it that it only took Levi two months to get the Japanese shirt-fold down, and you can really see how practice has perfected the motion. Truly remarkable. That's craftsmanship."

Erwin laughs belly deep. Levi glares at them, hands poised over a shirt, before he wrinkles his nose and sniffs and continues on packing.

Erwin sits against the headboard, legs stretched out before him and hands folded in his lap. Petra on the other hand lounges on her stomach, legs kicking in the air. The contrast between their posture, she and him, defines the greatest difference between them. Petra, and Levi too, move about freely - they land where they land, they spread and lounge and shift about. Levi darts from closet to dresser, feet light, something free in the extension of his limbs. Petra radiates sunshine, a smell of sweet peas clinging to her. They are young and sitting beside them, carefully posed, limbs all neatly folded together, Erwin sees it. They're still growing from their animal youth into the machine of man. They haven't been hammered into form yet. They live inside their bodies and really move, without routine, in life. Their skin stretches; Erwin sees himself in the mirror most mornings and doesn't feel attached to his own body. They can live between apartments, temporary steps, home in their skin.

Levi will pay rent on this apartment with Petra until the lease is up, but he's unofficially moving in with Erwin. It's mostly a matter of relocating clothes and a few personal objects. Levi coming home to Erwin's instead of here. 

It's a good intermediate step, Erwin thinks. It's temporary. 

Erwin ogles at them quietly, basking in their quiet pestering of each other. Hanji raves about them theatrically. (“I miss my twenties.")

Hanji spent theirs in academia, in a lab.

Erwin put his hours into work until that was all he had.

Levi zips his bag closed and flops onto the bed, pinching Erwin's big toe through his sock and swatting a hand at Petra to get her to make room. She rolls over onto her back, suggesting a slim space Levi can crawl between her and Erwin. Instead Levi lays down on top of Petra, tucking his face into her neck and laying still like a dead animal.

"You're too heavy for this," Petra says. "Your bony ass hip is digging into me."

Levi whines. Erwin knows that sound all too well and this stubborn form of cuddling. He won't move for an hour, at least.

Petra side eyes Erwin, resigned because she knows this too. "Put my phone in my hand," she tells him.

Erwin sets her up so Petra can rest her phone on Levi's shoulder and dilly away time, occasionally blowing air at Levi's hair as it intrudes on her face. 

"I'm sleepy," Levi mumbles.

"Uh-huh," Petra says, running a hand down his back. 

Erwin stretches and scoots down lower on the bed, feet hanging off the end, and throws an arm over Levi, adding an extra ten pounds to the weight on top of Petra. He tries hard to unfix himself, to become animal wild enough to sleep unguarded under Petra's eye.

"Not you too," she hisses. Erwin, nervous with how undignified he feels, holds his breath. But then Petra rubs his shoulder and tuts something comforting like: "you're lucky I like you."  
~~  
The shaking starts gentle, no more than a nudge. Then a firmer nudge. It comes with words: "I'm making breakfast. You have twenty minutes to get up."

Erwin grumbles into his pillow and sleeps for twenty two minutes. He gets jumped on. "Erwin Smith, get up."

"I'm up," he promises, eyes still closed, no sign of life to him. Levi strips the covers back, making him curl up like a frightened caterpillar. "Mmph."

Unkindky, Levi rolls Erwin over onto his back with a grunt and squirms between his limbs. He bites his naked belly, blunt front teeth pinching that damnably persistent strip of fat.

"You're annoying," Erwin huffs

More kindly, Levi scoots up and peppers his stubbled cheek with kisses. "C'Mon Daddy. While the foods hot. We gotta beat the rain."

Levi's warm, warm enough that Erwin debates reaching for him; by the time he considers doing so, Levi is leaving the bed, leaving with a soft "you promised," that finally rouses Erwin.

Erwin stumbles out to the kitchen in a pair of sweatpants, yawning and scratching his chest. "Ehtsgawnrain?"

"Yep. Round four. So I wanna go hiking while we can." Levi sets down a plate of steaming eggs scrambled with thin cuts of leftover steak and potatos. There's toast and cappuccinos. The smell, good butter and salt, wafts up to him, curls with the roasted dark of coffee.

"You're an angel," Erwin says, stretching his arms up before he slumps down. God he's worn out. Sleep has been distant and desired. No matter how he reaches for Levi either, sex won't come to tire him out. Levi has grown good at telling Erwin to go back to sleep -- when he wasn't asleep to begin with. 

Levi runs a hand through his hair and sets down a glass of cold milk. Erwin smiles at him gratefully and takes a swallow; he can be so perfect. Anticipating Erwins needs before he has them.

Almost instantly he wrinkles his nose. "What is this?"

"Soymilk. It's better for you," Levi says without missing a beat. 

Erwin sighs into the glass, fogging it up. Levi anticipates his needs a little too thoroughly. "I like milk. Cow milk."

"Erwin, you drink whole milk. You're gonna have a heart attack or something." Levi looks thoroughly unimpressed with Erwin.

Erwin doubles the look right back at him. "It's gross," he insists petulantly. "Besides, you spoil me constantly. I'm a victim to your love of baked goods."

"Drink your milk, Erwin. It's not like I put a tub of margarine in front of you."

Erwin gasps and clutches his heart. "Don’t take my butter away."

Levi snorts, a smile tugging up his lips. "You're ridiculous."

Erwin licks his lips, rising up out of his seat slowly. "Promise me you won't ever buy margarine."

Levi eyes him suspiciously. "What are you doing?"

Erwin takes a hasty bite of his buttered toast and doesn't bother to lick the crumbs and grease off his lips. He shuffles closer to Levi, a wicked gleam in his eye.

"Erwin don't you dare. Erwin Smith!" Levi shoots out of his seat and scampers out of Erwin's reach. "You're disgusting."

"Give Daddy a kiss, baby." he snags a squealing Levi by his wrist and hauls him into a hug.

"Nooo!" Levi wails as Erwin presses a breakfast-toned kiss to his cheeks. "I hate you! You're gross! I'm gonna fart on you, let me go!"

Erwin laughs, licking a spot of butter from Levi's jawline. "Whole milk."

Levi outright hisses at him. "Skim."

"2%."

"Skim."

They glare each other down. Erwin clearly has home field advantage. Plus it's his apartment and groceries anyway. But Levi is a filthy cheater.

Levi softens up in his arms and cocks his head down, pout turning his lips out, red and silky, tempting to bite. Erwin narrows his eyes.

"I just want you to be healthy," Levi simpers, using that dejected voice he gets when he's scolded and saying sorry for being a bad boy, the one that Erwin can't stand to sit through without having Levi against him so he can kiss and cuddle him, "I want you to live forever and ever."

"Oh. You're evil." Little monster. Erwin concedes. "Fine. Skim."

Levi pecks him on the cheek and pushes him away. "Quit fucking around now.” The muscle of his legs flexes in his spandex pants as he dodges Erwin’s pinching fingers.

~~~~~  
At the base of the trail they stretch together, double check there are no leaky water bottles and share a kiss or three. The air is surprisingly warm but already gray overcasts the sky. 

"Let's be on our way back down by 1," Erwin commands, checking his watch. Levi nods, rolling his ankle.

"Roger." His sights are set on a distant cliff edge, The Overlook.

They walk side by side where they can, Levi takes the lead when the trail gets too narrow, swift and picking his way over the terrain. Erwin stops them to drink water by the half hours, leaning against pebbly-barked trees. 

The dense foliage wraps them in companionable silence. They occasionally stop each other to point out a neon fungi on a tree, still the other to catch a glimpse of a fleeing doe. They tangle fingers as Erwin helps Levi over a particularly large rock, laughing at the ungainly stretch he has to make. 

They kiss at the cliff edge and eat a protein bar each, wash its chalkiness down with water. 

The rain beats them to the bottom and Erwin takes the lead, watching for slipppery spots, setting a fast pace. It's too cold for rain and it sinks into their clothes, shocking and chilling them to the bone. They go unharmed aside from that.

Erwin fumbles with his carkeys in the trail parking lot. Levi has stripped down to just his leggings, hopping and jumping in place to keep warm. He doesn't tell Erwin to hurry up once.

Erwin flings his wet clothes into the backseat, going down to his underwear. Levi laughs at him, digging out a blanket to throw over Erwin's shoulders, a towel to run over their hair. They sit in the car shivering and giving way to escalating laughter as the rain sloshes down over the roof. 

"That was a good trail," Levi finally says, rubbing his hands together and holding them over the air vent.

"I'll be sure to tell Nana you agree." His knuckles are stiff with cold.

Levi smiles widely, rare and sincere, face stretched with his happiness. Erwin catches sight of his own matching expression in the rearview mirror.  
~~

It's short lived; works comes heavy. Erwin waits exactly five minutes outside of Nile's office before the secretary says he may enter. This is absolutely a power display of the most common kind: I _can_ make you wait. That Nile uses it against Erwin....is unsurprising. Erwin would probably do the same in Nile's position. They are, even in their friendship, consistently at odds. Theirs is a sibling like rivalry, persistently competitive.

Nile invites him in graciously, gesturing to one of the chairs opposite his desk. 

"This is unexpected," he smiles, shaking Erwin's hand. It's odd between them, and not unexpected. Erwin can't help but think of the yearly fishing trip, the careful planning and preparation of it, what Mike said, that it is perhaps insincere, that it is maintenance. That Erwin and Nile interacting for business is not unexpected at all, not when Nile went into a big oil company and Erwin put his lot into the opposite. 

Erwin smiles, too aware, too tired. He squeezes Nile's hand affectionately, but doesn't sit.

"It was always coming, I'm sure, Nile." He unclips his briefcase and draws out his laptop. "Now, let's make this business."

Nile touches the sturdy structure of his desk and thins his lips. Erwin commands, even outside of his territory.

"Of course. I'm very interested in your business. But Marie will put me in the dog house if I don't pass along her hellos. She misses you."

Erwin types in the wrong password to his laptop. He deletes. "Is that so?"

"Yes," Nile continues, fingers lacing together, a cryptex locking. "She was disappointed you weren't at the last dinner."

Erwin makes himself smile, congenial, pulling up a presentation. "I wasn't invited."

"I know, that's my fault," Nile says with insincere apology. "I suggested you'd be uncomfortable with two married couples."

"Probably," Erwin agrees mildly. He can see questions brewing in Nile of the unrelated personal sort, the digging hands, and the validation Nile wants to find in the loneliness of Erwin's ring finger.

"Tell her hello from me. But I have another meeting today, so, shall we?"

~~  
Erwin spends three days straight playing phone tag with their Jamaican partners. Nile hasn’t called him back. Half his team has been reassigned. Erwin practically chews through his lip one day, worrying his thoughts into his skin.  
Levi tells him to buy some goddamn chapstick. Erwin looks at him plaintively. "Would you like to have a dinner party?"

"If you want to eat my ass, just ask me like a normal person," Levi drawls lazily, not even looking up from his book. 

Erwin chokes on a laugh, flushing slightly. Lord, that boy. It makes the future schemes of Erwin's mind worrisome. 

"I meant with other people - no, don't, I'm not suggesting a threesome. _Or a foursome, you brat._ "

Levi sticks out his tongue, snickers into the spine of his book. But he's paying attention, eyes cutting gems of intrigue.

"You know my friend Nile?"

Levi blinks. "Fishing trips, married your ex. Yep."

Erwin stills imperceptibly, cursing Hanji's tongue. Levi waits with those cutting eyes.

"Yes," Erwin says. "I need to have him and Marie over for dinner. Are you up for it?"

"You _need_ to?" Levi lays down his book. 

Erwin sighs and rubs the back of his neck, at a persistent knot and the beginnings of a tension headache. "Yes. Need. I think I make Nile uncomfortable because of my history with Marie. I know I do. I want to show him you, so he won't worry, so he won't see me as a threat, and he'll give me this deal I need."

Now usually Levi looked for any excuse to make a fancy meal and to use all of the dishes in Erwin's possession. Erwin expects easy enthusiasm. Levi only fiddles the corner of his page and shrugs.

"Sure. When?"

Erwin stands up, headache be-damned. "This week. Let's get nice invitation cards."

"Cards? Just text him." Levi snuggles into the corner of the couch. "I don't wanna go out."

Erwin sits back down in the couch, practically atop Levi. Levi tries to kick him off, surly. "I need your eyes. You've been making all those beautiful invitations for events with Pixis."

Levi gives him a look addressed with an adage about flattery, but then he sniffs and puts his book on the coffee table. "Fine. But we're going to the Paper Store and you have to buy me a new stamp kit."

Erwin's pretty sure he should just buy Levi a toolbox. A whole chest to keep his crafts. 

~~

~~

Levi rocks against Erwin slowly, moving them together, a slow ocean current rolling them over like foam on salt. Erwin flexes his hands on him, his thighs, hips, groping the curve of his buttocks, seeking a grip on him somewhere, desperate and claw-like. “Ahh, shh, shh, Erwin,” Levi breaths, tugging at his hands, freeing him and himself from the hold, lacing their fingers. “Relax.” 

Erwin is inside him finally. Sliding, pushing, filling Levi — “Fuck,” Erwin gasps, “Levi. Shit.” 

Levi whips his head side to side, fingers locked with Erwin’s. “You’re good, you’re good, Erwin.” He bends at the hips, kisses Erwin firmly, mouth wet. “C’Mon, Daddy. That’s it. That’s it.” 

Erwin moans, lifting and dropping Levi, face tight and closed. “Levi…” It seems they reach a crest and fall with gravity and pleasure — then, it fades from Erwin, leaving him like spring. Erwin tries to curl, curl up like he means to keep Levi to him, keep himself inside his body. It fails in the end, and Erwin’s limp cock falls free from Levi. He curses something terrible, “God fucking damnit,” spat viciously, like the blood has gone to his head and maddened him. 

Levi kisses him, his hard face. “It’s okay.” 

Erwin arches, groaning in frustration, hands covering his face. “This is fucking ridiculous.” 

Levi slides off him, laying down flat on the bed, hiding his erection like something too proud and sinful in the face of Erwin’s wavering masculinity. He touches Erwin lightly, fingertips to his muscled arm, like touching a mountain. “Erwin, it happens. You’re stressed. You’re freaking yourself out.”

What Levi really wants to do was yell at him to just fucking relax for once, but that would only make things worse. It’s the third week of this. 

Breath leaves Erwin like the heave of a bellow and he rolls toward Levi, moving over him, flipping Levi onto his back easily. Always so easily. He plants his demand in a row of kisses to Levi’s neck: “Suck me.”

"Hell no. I don’t do ass to mouth." 

Erwin bites the square corner of Levi’s jaw. "Baby," he rumbles, drawing it out from that dark pit inside his voicebox that makes him curse so meanly. He takes Levi’s erection into his big hand and tries to tug Levi into submission, caress him. 

"Let’s just shower," Levi says, pushing him off. "C’Mon. Soak in the tub or something." 

Erwin lets him get away, lays there staring at the ceiling and wallowing. Levi looks to his limp cock, soft and slippery with lube. He wants nothing more than for Erwin to be rigid, to be strong with sex. 

"Come on," he says again, climbing back into bed and mounting Erwin. Nothing stirs to meet his ass. Erwin sighs, arm thrown over his eyes. 

"Fuck," he puffs, face sharp and dark where Levi can see.

Levi leaves him to run a bath, let’s Erwin lay in his sensitive madness and dwell on the vulnerable ego between his legs. It isn’t just getting to him but to Levi as well, Levi whom from day one had rejoiced in Erwin’s conquering masculinity - Erwin who laughs at the idea of being fucked himself and instead took into the closed space of Levi’s body. Levi loves it, being taken, doing the egging and teasing. He can see it in his boy, a tense boredom. Going to sleep without the spill of semen between them for so long makes them lethargic, like afternoon naps. Kisses were cut short over futility. 

Erwin wants. The tub water roars. He can see Levi at the sink, still naked, brushing his teeth. Short mint kisses, mint breath. sterilized. So sterile. Impotent.

The word makes Erwin tremble: mortal fear draws his balls up to his gut. There isn’t anything sterile about fucking Levi, and his boy hates and loves that. Erwin loves it unashamedly. It wasn’t as easy as spreading his legs, you have to hold him open to get to his center. Tease the ridge of flesh that made him sway, breezy-like. Erwin loves the aftermath, the loose-limbed openness of Levi. A good fuck, hushed obscenities and kiss marks settled him. He pushes into Erwin’s hands after being had. His hole is better the second time around, red and wounded, ready. His face turns splotchy, bangs sticking and intruding into his vision — like a kid run wild and collapsed into Erwin’s waiting arms. Erwin watches Levi bend and spit into the sink, run the tap. He’s cool looking when he comes back. 

“Let’s go,” he says, cool, controlled. Erwin sinks deeper into the bed, resistant to Levi’s tugging hands. “ _Erwin_.” 

If not for Levi, Erwin wonders if he would experience this impotency. If Levi caused it or if, without Levi, this bodily weakness would have even occurred to him. It may have went unnoticed otherwise. But Erwin has Levi to fuss and feel him. “Why do you always want to take a bath, Levi?”

Erwin swings his legs over the side of the bed suddenly, spurred. 

“Dunno. They’re nice.” He pulls away and pinched at his elbow, turning from Erwin. “Do you wanna go to the doctor?” 

Erwin knows that Levi knows nothing about the problem beyond a fear of it.

“No.” He wipes a hand down his face. “You’re probably right, I’m just stressed.” 

Levi nods, whether he believes it or not.

~~

They sit on the couch, Levi in Erwin’s lap, blanket all around them. A unit, they’re swaddled like a babe, like a wound. The Afghan tucked around the oneness of their body holds them together like stitched-skin keeps guts from spilling out. It’s Tuesday, and Erwin knows he shouldn’t ask why they’re not with Petra and eating Thai.

~~  
Levi drafts the grocery list. Erwin does the shopping. Levi pinches the pie crust into fluted dough. Erwin uses his weight to chop squash. Levi gives him tasks that require labor and no culinary genius. Erwin had at first thought Levi would love to make dinner, but Levi's silent in the kitchen, all his actions made of snaps and snips.

Only as he’s adding the last touches on a pan of roasted vegetables does Levi realize he forgot to put sage down on the list. Erwin finds rosemary in the fringe; it does the trick, but the mistake disrupts Levi; he burns his thumb on a pan.  
“Fuck, ouch, son of a bitch,” he curses. Erwin sticks his hand under cold tap water.

"Levi, relax."

Levi laughs, teeth grinding on something Erwin can’t see. He dabs his thumb with a tea towel and moves on. "I don't need to relax, I need a drink."

He pours a glass of white wine, and he's so furious about it, Erwin is sure the liquid rushes faster than gravity would normally dictate. 

"I am relaxed," Levi repeats, taking a long swallow. He makes wine into water, that boy. After a tick, he dumps a _glug_ of wine into the mixing bowl of vegetables. It isn't in the recipe. It gets mixed and a glass lid goes over the bowl and the oven door slams shut a second later.

Levi keeps his back to Erwin, hovering at the oven, long stem of the wine glass jutting between his fingers like a blade. Erwin lingers on it absently before he corks the wine and stores it back in the fridge.

"Don’t spoil your dinner with wine,” Erwin minds him.  


Levi looks at him over his shoulder. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  


Erwin itches to keep busy, to keep preparing, but he looks Levi square in the eye. “It means don’t drink anymore.”  


Levi looks at the glass in his hand, mouth tight, then he takes a dainty swallow. “Don’t worry, Erwin, I won’t embarrass you.”  


It’s loaded. Erwin knows it is. Erwin considers the powder keg of that statement, every avenue of possibility if he should stir it and none of them go well; this isn’t the time. Erwin knows he's doing wrong. He's doing Levi a wrong. But he can't - he can't tonight.

What kind of man does that make him? That lets Levi hang unattended? What is Erwin giving him right now? Nothing. Demands.  

Erwin swallows, holds back. What kind of Daddy doesn't comfort his boy? Daddy's are there - Erwin should be there. And he's not. And if he can't take care of Levi, how can he let himself keep this boy?

He fails. In this moment, he fails.

He says nothing.  


~~

The four of them sit opposite of their alternates; Levi frowns over his water glass at Erwin, and Erwin cannot even brush a hand over his thigh in comfort. Nile and Marie gush over the food appropriately; "It's just sour cream with a little lemon," Levi says about the sauce for the green beans. "It's just olive oil, sea salt and fresh pepper - and rosemary."

There's no pride in anything. Just the simple fact of production.

"It's delicious, Levi," Erwin tells him, trying to coax a smile but they are all left in the kitchen somewhere hours lost.

"You're lucky, Erwin," Nile says, looking at Levi like a curiosity. He is petite and charming in a yellow cardigan, the sleeves pushed up to show his fine boned wrists. Distantly, the memory of velvet around his wrists comforts Erwin.

"What was that, dear?" Marie teases. 

Nile plays at embarrassment. Levi dissects his brisket, pink and rich at the center. 

"Nile and I are both lucky men," Erwin says, lobbing his words to Levi.

Marie hums. She has those cutting eyes too. She always cut to the center of Erwin. "Is Levi not a lucky man?"

"Nah," Levi says. He holds Erwin's gaze. It is like standing at the edge of a great height, waiting to fall, to be pushed. "I'm a lucky boy. Erwin's the man in this relationship."

Erwin remembers to breathe, a skill recently forgotten, and shakes his head, darting his eyes to Nile and Marie for judgement; they're entertained. Nile unconcerned.  
~~  
When the topic inevitably slides to business, the guise of a reunion left behind in the second bottle of wine, Levi collects the plates, pushing Erwin into his seat with a tsking tongue.

"Do work," he whispers. That is, after all, why they've done this.

Erwin kisses his hand when he's near, grateful, pleased. "It was perfect, darling. Thank you so much." 

Levi smooths Erwin's hair back into perfect order, face impassive. He looks like an impossibility. "How about tea and pie?"

"Marry him, Erwin," Nile whispers when Levi leaves. He is smiling, light with the comfort of food and sureness; he finally understands Erwin. 

Erwin smiling around his fork is a satisfactory enough response. Is that it? A show. Marie and Levi exit the dining room scene to carry on elsewhere. The lines of candles glowing down the table shushes them into a mood.

"Give me something Erwin," Nile says, lisping over the words, they are so lazy. The arrogance, the easiness of Nile's demand, fills Erwin with an empty rage at the world in which Nile is a piece.

I have given you something, Erwin thinks. A wife. He gave Nile Marie with his own foolishness. Nile has boys at home to cling to his legs and long for him like flowers after the sun. Erwin has nothing. He gave Nile this by not keeping Marie. 

In the kitchen, Marie and Levi speak out of hearing range. It's a blurry noise, distracting. Levi. Levi and Marie. 

Erwin has Levi.

Nile wants something, has it in mind despite the proposed ambiguity of his demand. Erwin wonders wildly if he could take everything from Nile, just to see. He doesn't hate Nile, nor does Nile deserve to have anything snatched from him, no more than any other man as far as Erwin can tell - but he wonders if he couldn't walk into Nile's own house and replace him.

These are not thoughts of hate. He doesn't hate Nile in the least; they're friends, and by this decree Erwin must regularly fantasized about robbing him of all he has - it is friendship that stops him. This is how he knows he loves Nile, that he loves Marie. He orbits without colliding. 

"Would a blessing do?" He offers. Nile's eyes crinkle in barely present indulgence.

"You're not nearly saintly as you'd like to think. No. Something a bit more beneficial. I told you, Cert-Oil needs a few positive notes in their book. I like your plan."

"Naturally we'll make a statement of your support," Erwin says.

Nile rubs his thumb up and down the thin stem of his wine glass, the meat pinched into two until it's like lips sucking the glass. Erwin tracks it idly. 

"A contract," Nile proposes.

Erwin's eyebrows shoot up his forehead. "You already have a draft, don't you?"

"It's a win for both of us. Mutual business."

Only if Cert-Oil doesn't spoil GGT's reputation. "I'll pass it along," Erwin agrees, pigeonholed.

"You'll pitch it," Nile says matter-of-factly.

They fall into a tense silence, Erwin's a submission that makes his stomach recoil. He finishes his wine and looks at the two empty chairs.  
~~

Erwin comes home from his office late again, bag heavy with work. Levi clicks his tongue when Erwin comes in the front door. He clicks his tongue when Erwin spreads files on the coffee table and opens his laptop to multiple spreadsheets and about thirty different internet tabs.

Erwin wakes up to the tongue-clicking. The burning sensation in his thighs disappears as Levi takes his laptop off his lap. The cooling fan is all but screaming at this point.

"Did I fall asleep," Erwin slurs, trying to lift his head from the back of the couch. 

"Uh-huh. You even drooled on yourself," Levi supplies helpfully. Erwin groans and wipes at his cheek, still sluggish, head throbbing. 

"God...my head hurts." 

Levi straddles him and grips his skull, rubbing firm circles on his temples. "Here?"

Erwin hums. "Farther back. My neck."

Levi tips his head forward and works over Erwin's skull, fingers doing their best to ease the complicated tension pinching peace away from Erwin. "You need to get proper sleep, Erwin Smith. Quit straining your eyes and shit. Gonna need glasses. Your hair's gonna go gray."

Erwin reminds himself that Levi nags because he cares. Marie must do the same to Nile. 

"You nag," Erwin mumbles, lulled half-asleep again, Levi's thumbs working behind his ears. 

"Oh I'll nag you alright. I'll nag you," Levi threatens as he searches for a source of relief to Erwin's discomfort. "Come to bed."

Erwin sighs. "I can't, Levi."

"Why can't you? You're not even being paid right now. You're home." He's annoyed now, no longer massaging Erwin.

Erwin blinks himself back to alertness, to a lovely view of Levi's pinched expression. Erwin rubs his thigh apologetically. "I can't, darling. I have too much to do."

Levi's jaw ticks and the expression on his face only twists, thins, doesn't leave. "Fine. Fine," he blows out a breath. "Do you want a snack? Want apples and peanut butter?"

Erwin's relieved he's backing down. He smiles encouragingly. "Sure, baby, that'd be nice. Can you make some coffee to?"

"You're not drinking coffee at ten o'clock at night, Erwin Smith. You barely sleep, and you'll be up all night tossing again." Levi climbs off him and goes to make a lot of noise in the kitchen.

Erwin pushes himself up wearily and follows. His head hurts again. "I'll make it."

"You will not." Levi brandishes a knife at him, an apple cut in half on the board.

Erwin stares him down as he puts a pod into the machine. He clicks the brew button under Levi's scornful eye. The machine gurgles to life.

Levi slams the knife down. "I can't believe you right now, it's like you want to run yourself ragged. Are you fucking serious?"

Erwin sets his jaw, adjusting the mug under the spout. "Yes, I'm _fucking_ serious, Levi. I have work to do. My team depends on me. I have to figure out this project for Nile quickly before he takes his offer and money elsewhere."

His tone stops any arguments, but it is not enough to disarm Levi.

"It's always one project after the other with you. This is why Marie left you."

It's cool, unenraged. Fact. It slaps Erwin across the face. Levi resumes cutting the apple, knife snapping down rhythmically. He smears peanut butter on each slice and lines them up on a plate, fills a glass with cold skim milk.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room. Good night." Levi walks away in bitter victory, and Erwin clutches the counter to hold himself up, bitter coffee filling his nose.

Erwin drinks the coffee. After he's closed his laptop at one a.m. he paces through his apartment, lingering outside the closed guestroom door, drifting away, returning. He crawls into his empty bed and tosses and turns. He gets up.

He leans his hands on the doorframe outside the guestroom, head hung. It opens, and Erwin can't see more than the pale impression of Levi's face. They stare through the dark blankness at each other.

"I shouldn't have said that," Levi says first, hanging onto the handle of the door; it could slam fast. Erwin makes sure his fingers will be safe.

"It's true though. That's why she left me."

Levi breaths in deeply, out heavily. "You can't only pay attention to me on the weekends, Erwin. And I need you to take care of yourself."

Erwin nods. 

Levi leans against the doorframe, under Erwin's hand. "Do you believe that I want you to succeed?"

It's not the question Erwin expects. It should be too obvious to warrant a question. "Yes."

"Then trust my actions aren't detrimental to you." Levi kicks his toes against Erwin's shins blindly. "Okay? Don't be such a - a fuckass. You've asked me to trust you. You said you trust me. I'm supposed to watch out for you. You've asked me to consider marrying you. I need you to fucking chill okay?"

Levi doesn't have to look at him and it seems to make his voice stronger, make him stronger. Erwin nods agreements that Levi can't see.

"I don't want to leave you."

"No," Erwin agrees. "I don't want you to either."

"Cause I think you're an amazing man when you're not busy worrying about work. So just worry a little less. For me."

Erwin can do that, he must do that. Levi asks for so little from him. He _has_ to be able to do that at the least.

Erwin drops a hand onto Levi's shoulder, prepared to bring him to his chest. Levi shrugs it off, a chilling motion.

"No, wait," he grips Erwin's hand, and his skin feels feverishly hot. "Listen to me. I'm here, Erwin, I'm giving you my all. I'm here for you, but I can't be worrying like you make me worry; I'm not gonna do that."

Fear, fear of loneliness, pricks up the back of Erwin's neck. "How do I make you worry?"

He wishes he could see Levi's face. He's missing something vital without it; Levi stands in the dark of the guestroom, detaching himself like a stranger, and Erwin a blind sojourner reaching out for him from the hallway.

"I don't know. Like you're waiting for this to run out. I don't know --you just do," Levi admits. It’s honest and Erwin somehow understands. He laces his fingers with Levi's and brings his hand up to kiss each knuckle, the bed of his fingernails.

"You make me so crazy, Erwin Smith," Levi sighs. "Fuck. I'm sorry for what I said. I was out of line."

"Please," Erwin asks, voice rough, "just come to bed with me. I'm tired of all our apologies."

Levi holds his hand tightly.

In bed, Erwin presses his forehead to Levi's chest. "Don’t say things like that to me again, about Marie. Don't apologize for it, but don't say it again."

"I was cruel," Levi whispers, carding his fingers through Erwin's hair. They'll be exhausted tomorrow. They'll be okay. This is sometimes how things go. They simply go. Mutual bruising and hands patting the plum-marks like dough, trying to raise something warm and wholesome from a beating.  
~~  
They’re quiet, but they hold each other. Erwin procrastinates on righting his wrongs, and Levi learns that sometimes “making it work” means space .  
~~  


And then, just like that, the next week Nile and Erwin close their deal. Erwin has the funding for his development project and Cert-Oil has a better reputation; both of their company’s stocks rise visibly. In victory, Mike and Nana and Hanji take him out after work. Or they mean to, at least.  


“Should we invite Petra and Levi?” Hanji asks. “Or try to – Petra’s probably grading or something.”  


Erwin considers the amber weight of beer in his mouth, the barley-sweet taste. He wants something else. “No,” he says, finishing his drink in long pulls. “Actually,” he kisses Hanji’s head, sliding out of the booth, “I need to get home.”  


“How come? Bring him here,” Mike says, arm thrown over Nanaba’s shoulders. Erwin takes them in with a soft smile.  


“Next time,” he promises.  


_The project is over. I’ll be home in half an hour._  


_Oh yea?_  


_Yes, my boy. And I want you. If you’ll have me._  


Erwin feels like he’s caressing Levi’s name through the phone, how hard he yearns for him.  


_oh yea?_  


Erwin smiles just a little.  


_I bought you a present. Check the closet shelf._  


~

Erwin closes the door behind himself quietly, locks it with a snick. He hears jazz, wordless, caressing, drifting from the bedroom. The shivering note of a muted trumpet is enough to tease a sigh from his lips. 

The floor creaks with each sure footstep he takes to the bedroom. The music swells as he approaches the door. Fitting, he thinks, piano keys chattering melodically.

He doesn't announce himself as he enters; Levi spins to face him, caught admiring himself in the large mirror above Erwin's boudoir. He already has a blush shading his narrow face.

He looks especially slim and petite standing there, holding very still, white lace panties rising high on his waist and appearing to cinch the sharpness of his hips. It must be animal instinct, freezing up, because the gaze Erwin has on him is feral in its hunger, a starving want. They do nothing but stare, and Erwin likes to imagine he can see the rabbit-quick beat of Levi's heart against his chest. He'll kiss it. He'll kiss all of Levi. He makes no disguise of dragging his heavy gaze over Levi; he's doused in candle lights, flickering illuminations of burning honey on his naked skin. 

Finally, Levi crosses his arms to cover himself, thin golden bracelets around his wrists tinkling slightly, the sound nearly lost under the music. Erwin can already taste the metal of them where he'll press his lips.

The bracelets, gold bands, link to a slim choker around his throat. It's another decorative salute to bondage that to Erwin looks like reward. Frivolous anklets have their own small strands to tickle the back of Levi's heels. He likes his boy in gold. It's warm against his skin. 

He is resplendent and half aflame in the light of the candles. 

Erwin smirks, already glowing with pride to see him outfitted as he'd asked. "Turn around," he orders, taking off his jacket.

Levi clicks his tongue, eyes shadowy. "Hello to you too," he snips, but he looks pleased by the order and turns readily. There's a still eagerness in his responsiveness. Excitement. 

Erwin drinks in his smooth back, the long shadow of his spine. The white lace rises to the narrowest point of his waist, well made and fitting him flatteringly. His ass is framed in a heart cutout, the sweetest thing Erwin has seen all day. 

"Do you like it?"

Levi turns back to him, and when Erwin reaches to undo his cufflinks, it prompts Levi forward. He takes the duty upon himself - Erwin doesn't miss how he inhales the musk of Erwin's cologne once he's near. There's something coy in the kindness of him undoing the cufflinks, collecting the metal pieces into the palm of his hand. 

"Well?" Erwin suppresses a shudder when Levi looks up at him with gunmetal eyes, hot iron, treacherously feathered by long curling lashes. 

"I like it very much. Thank you, Daddy." 

He steps away before Erwin can lay a hand on him to deposit the cufflinks into the padded box Erwin keeps such things in on his boudoir. He leaves a draft of his own smell. Red currants, vanilla. 

Erwin watches only a beat before he surges upon Levi, pressing just close enough to align them. There's wickedness in the breath that leaves Levi, the visible ripple of gooseflesh spreading across his skin. Erwin bows his head to kiss the curve of his neck, hands folding over his shoulders, fingers tapping down one by one.

"You look lovely," Erwin murmurs, breathing him in, searching for a deeper smell from him, a sharp one Levi gives off in waves when his legs begin to tense up with arousal. "You should admire yourself more."

Levi lets go of a shaky breath and tilts his head to the side, asking for more. Erwin's eyes fall shut as he rubs the tip of his nose along the arc of Levi's neck, skin silk to his lips. When he opens his eyes again, he looks into the mirror to see Levi watching their reflections. The sight of them, Levi a treasure and he the sin of Greed and Lust, hardens Erwin. He presses his hips closer, a hi-hat crashing, and Levi's eyelids flutter shut. 

"Levi," Erwin says to the reflection of them. He says no more. His heart beats firmly against his chest and into Levi's back. He steps away, turning Levi by his shoulder to face him. 

Levi licks his lips, leaves them dewy, and Erwin darts his eyes down to them. Levi rocks up on his toes, hands falling to Erwin's chest. It's been so long. Blood pounds in Erwin, strong, reassuring. He's going to have Levi. Thoroughly. Order's restored. 

Levi's breath puffs audibly, impatience glowing on him. Erwin's lips twitch. He takes Levi by the hips, withholding a kiss that waits heavy on his lips, and walks them backwards to the bed. It's enough to light Levi up, especially when Erwin draws him into a straddle on his lap.

"Be a darling and help me with my shirt and tie," he says. 

Levi's lids lower, eyes glinting metallic. "Anything else, Daddy?" He asks sticky-sweet, sarcastic, deft little fingers slipping into the half Windsor at Erwin's throat.

"Hang up my shirt and put away my tie. Then I want you to wait with your hands against the wall, legs spread." His voice rumbles smoothly and washes over Levi, bringing with it an ever rising blush. Levi only falters a moment, but the motions of his fingers return a little faster. It's a show of his obedience and eagerness that he doesn't fight, the only attitude in him a lack of confirmation and a pursing of the lips. Erwin knows Levi can be far worse. He's saintly tonight, bottom sitting still over Erwin's growing erection, not even rutting like the brat he usually is, rushing and testing Erwin.

Erwin leans back so Levi can undo his buttons, supporting himself on one hand. He cups Levi's face and strokes a thumb across the apple of his cheek, runs the pad over his thin eyebrows. Levi flicks him a look, edging on fond. His fingertips are cool where they skim across Erwin's naked abdomen. His shirt hangs open now.

He sits up once more, careful not to let Levi slip from his lap and sheds his shirt. Levi takes it and the tie. There are no hesitations when he faces the wall and presses his palms flat against the wall, head height, shoulder wide. The strands of his jewelry hang down. Fire glimmers in the choker around his throat. His ass looks like a gift. 

"Beautiful," Erwin says. He takes his shoes off, then his socks, tucks them under the bed as he rises. Levi doesn't so much as look over his shoulder at the sound, uncharacteristically quiet and well-behaved. 

Erwin waits behind Levi without touching him longer than even he wants to just to see if Levi will snap at him. But Levi stands there, good as gold. It's almost disappointing.

Erwin kicks the inside of Levi's ankle, knocking his legs wider, unsteadying him. That makes Levi snap his head around to fix Erwin with a look. The fire in his eyes hooks into Erwin's gut and gathers a bundle of something filthy. Erwin loves that look. It makes him take two handfuls of Levi's ass and squeeze hard, groaning with Levi. He kisses his shoulder without apology, massaging his ass rhythmically just long enough for Levi to forgive him. He rings a soft moan from Levi with one particularly hard pinch.

Erwin sinks to his knees and kisses into the cleft of Levi's ass, up to the curve of the heart, to the lacey edge. He dips a finger between his tight cheeks, searching for Levi's hole. He meets warm metal; pleasure fills him.

"You put it in," he says reverently, looking up at Levi. Levi looks down, red and quietly flustered.

"It was in the box," he mumbles, hips swaying in Erwin's grip.

Erwin presses the side of his face against Levi's lace-clad hip and strokes down his stomach and over his half-hard prick. It twitches against his fingers.

"Levi, baby, do you want to have sex?"

Levi barks a laugh. "Yes."

Erwin rubs him firmly. Levi arches into the touch. "Can Daddy fuck you fuck against the wall? Can Daddy be rough with you, baby boy?"

Levi scrapes his nails against the wall. "Yes. Be rough with me."

Erwin cups his ass with one hand and rubs him with the other. 

A saxophone climbs a scale, careening over notes. 

Erwin gets to his feet abruptly and lets out a hot breath. He circles his hips against Levi's ass, the wool of his pants catching against lace. Levi turns his head to stare at Erwin from the corner of his eye, necklace sending off a skitter of chimes where the chain slides against the choker band. 

Erwin digs his erection into Levi's ass once before he spins Levi easily and pins him against the wall by his hips. Levi gasps in surprise, maybe even pain, but his mouth is already opening when Erwin kisses him. He clings to Erwin's bare biceps, hands tightening as Erwin catches his top lip between his teeth. Erwin sighs and pulls him closer, slowing down. Sweat's already gathering at the base of his spine, and with his pants on it feels like he's standing in fire. 

Levi undulates against him, arms looping around his neck and pulling Erwin lower so he can nip and lick at him. There's need there, and Erwin reminds himself that Levi hasn't been fucked properly in a month. That he already opened himself up and put a plug in and got pretty for Erwin. That he has been waiting and been so so good and patient. 

Erwin grunts and bends his knees, scooping under Levi's ass. Levi wraps his thighs around Erwin as Erwin lifts him and holds him against the wall, kissing him deeper, control slipping. It feels good to have Levi's legs around him but he wants more. 

He'll have more. 

He takes Levi to the bed and drops him onto his back, climbing over him immediately. He likes the bright look in Levi's dark eyes. He blocks it out with his shadow, kisses his mouth red and then down. He can feel the air whistle in Levi's throat when he bites, bites higher than he should, teeth over an artery that makes Levi hiccup and scratch at his back. He moans when Erwin sucks, and that's good. The chains brush against Erwin as Levi holds onto him, cool tickles to his skin. 

"Hickies, Erwin," Levi hisses, hips already thrashing in approval even if his mind is fearing for the public disapproval bruises will bring. Erwin growls and takes his kisses down, tongue rolling over metal. teeth clicking on the choker. 

He sits back, holding his weight off Levi, breathing hard. Levi lays there panting, considering, before he runs his hands over Erwin's straining erection. Erwin smirks at the look on his face, at the tongue poking out to wet his lips. He missed seeing Levi want like this.

"Are you going to take off your pants?" Levi asks. It's less lustfull than Erwin imagines Levi should sound asking that.

Erwin considers. "I'm trying to savor this."

Levi pulls his lips into his mouth and pops them. "Okay, well they're itchy."

Erwin huffs and gets off the bed.

"Thank you," Levi calls. Erwin shakes his head.

"Take off your necklace and bracelets."

"Why? You told me to wear them."

Erwin folds his slacks because Levi will bother him if he doesn't. "Yes. You look lovely, but they'll break or I'll chip a tooth on that choker."

"God," Levi grumbles and sits up to fuss with the small clasps. Erwin hangs his pants up and crawls back into the bed quickly.

"Let me," he says gently seeing Levi struggle with the choker. Levi drops his head forward and Erwin thumbs open the clasp. He collects the three pieces and puts them on the nightstand.

"Did you like wearing them?" He asks curiously, kissing the naked spots left behind, inch by inch, the inside of Levi's wrists are particularly soft and patterned by blue veins. 

Levi nods slightly. "It's a good aesthetic...impractical though."

Erwin smiles. "Most things are." He brushes Levi's hair back from his face. Without a word, Erwin moves to the edge of the bed and picks up Levi's right foot to take off the anklets. Levi lays back.

Erwin collects the jewelry and kisses the arch of Levi's sole. 

"Why are you so weird," Levi sighs. "Are you into feet now?"

Erwin kisses his toes and lays his foot down. "Your feet are very cute, but no, not especially. I simply love every bit of you."

Levi hums, gaze turned away.

Erwin kneels between Levi's legs and strokes his hands up and down his firm thighs. He keeps his eyes trained on Levi's face as he runs his hands over his body - stomach, chest, down his arms. He's gone soft. Erwin isn't surprised. He's grateful he himself is still hard.

Erwin keeps touching Levi, smoothing his hands over him. 

"What happened to roughly fucking me against a wall," Levi murmurs as Erwin lays between his legs.

Erwin buries his face between his legs and breathes hot damp air. "I'm savoring this."

 

He kisses the inside of Levi's thighs. "I'll fuck you. Don't worry."

Levi huffs a laugh and drops a hand on Erwin's head, ruffling his hair into a mess. "Take your time," he says, humor in his soft voice.

Erwin hums and sits up again to look down at him; Levi has his eyes closed and despite everything, looks peacefully half-asleep. It wounds Erwin's ego, almost enough to make him nervous. 

"Are you...do you want to...?" He asks again, petting the hair of Levi's thigh, trying to stem any disappointment from stirring Levi.  
It's there anyway, and Levi turns his face up, eyes opening, liquid black.

His eyes smile at Erwin. "I'm enjoying you touching me. I missed this." He stretches, back arching and limbs going taught, punching his hands above his head and yipping out a noise of relief as something pops. "You haven't touch me like this in a long time."

It's a neutral statement, a true one. Levi doesn't look angry or sad, nor now relieved. Erwin swallows a lump of guilt. He hasn't. He's touched Levi, but his touches had been casual or full of failure. 

"I've neglected you," he admits, holding Levi's hips.

Levi flashes his teeth in a sharp un-laugh, something rueful. "I'm not a puppy or a child to neglect."

Erwin sighs and crouches over Levi, taking his jaw into hand and kissing him deeply. Levi grunts and bites his lips, some of his attitude returning. Erwin bites back, thumb and fingers pinching at the bolt of Levi's jaw so it opens wider and Erwin takes the choice of defiance from him. He licks into Levi's mouth, tongue pushing against his, weight starting to cover Levi. 

Levi whimpers and Erwin feels nails scrape down his back. He drops his grip from Levi's jaw, smoothing down to wrap around his throat, gentle, gentle. Still, Levi gasps, thighs closing around Erwin's waist at the mere suggestion of choking. When Erwin rubs the tips of their noses together, Levi's eyes are wide and alert, but all Erwin sees is thrilled anticipation.

"I've neglected you," he repeats himself, lips skimming Levi's. Levi laps at him, trying to close the distance and kiss him again, but Erwin holds his hand in resistance. He feels Levi's neck tighten up against the palm of his hand before his boy relaxes all over, ankles locked behind his back and thighs rubbing, building friction against Erwin's flanks. 

"Spoil me," Levi demands. Erwin nods and kisses his lips, his chin. Levi gasps when Erwin sucks on his earlobe. "Make it up to me; you were a bad Daddy."

Erwin moans, finally feeling Levi hard against his stomach. "I know."

"You were bad," Levi repeats, conviction in his voice, but Erwin knows he's already forgiven in Levi's heart. Levi believes in him enough to forgive him.

Erwin squeezes once around his throat before he uses both hands to fill the space between them with caresses, and his lips mumble apologies and praise in mouthfuls of flesh and worship. He soaks Levi's panties with spit where he licks him, tongue running over lace and hot flesh. Levi's thighs muffle the world when they close around his head. Erwin sinks into the deep delight of sliding Levi free from the last trace of clothing on him. Whether its underwear or a sock, Erwin takes great pride in taking it off of Levi.

He kisses him from toes to nose. Levi pulls his hair freely and doesn't try to still his hips. Erwin gulps him down, clinging to the fury in Levi's body - nails biting into his skin, scalp burning, tears spilling over - Erwin moans on the wealth of Levi, his Levi.

"Disgusting," Levi says when Erwin swallows his load. He waits for Erwin to show him an empty mouth before he kisses him, holding his face between sweaty palms. His kiss is slow and tender, sedated, taunting a restless Erwin.

Erwin pants above him, vibrating with his own aching arousal. He's thin with it, kissing needily.

"I know, baby." Erwin rubs his face into the sweaty curve of Levi's neck, mouthing at his salty skin. He worries at Levi's nipple until it must hurt because Levi thrashes beneath him and shoves him away with all his might. Erwin rolls to his feet off the bed.

There's a space in time where they both stare at each other, chests heaving, mouths hanging open thoughtlessly. Then, Erwin grabs Levi by the ankles.

He drags Levi off the bed, jostling him to his feet, thrilling in the slightness of Levi's body, and pushes him to the far wall, enjoying how Levi in his newly spent state stares at the insistent bulge in Erwin's underwear like it's a marvel. 

Erwin covers him up, caging him with one arm, barely-there kisses to his neck that make Levi's catch and hold his breath, squirm for him. It's too tempting not to stroke the back of his hand over Levi's little prick, all sucked clean by his Daddy.

"Erwin," Levi hisses. Erwin grins into Levi's sneering lip.

When Erwin finally reaches for the elastic band of his underwear, Levi all but shouts at him.

"No," Levi insists, eyes locked with Erwin. "I want to do it." He drags Erwin in closer, hands on his hips, his ass. "I love when I first touch you," Levi says breathlessly before he shoves Erwin back a step so he can sink his hands beneath the elastic to cup Erwin. His head comes to rest on Erwin's chest, overcome. "You always feel so good in my hand."

Erwin revels in the sincerity of Levi's adoration, the firmness of his grip. Levi rubs him, stroking as cotton falls from Erwin and is kicked away. It's nothing to turn Levi around and spread his legs, reach between his cheeks and take hold of the handle of the plug. 

"Did you like having 24 karats of gold inside you," Erwin asks conversationally, easing the heavy curved object out of Levi slowly. When the bulbous head stretches him out, Levi twitches up on his toes, back arching. Erwin has the satisfaction of watching the pink ring spasm and close up to a wet pinhole. 

"You're such a twat," Levi sniffs. 

Erwin smirks and tosses the plug haphazardly onto his boudair where it clatters loudly. Levi smacks his hand against the wall, annoyed at the carelessness, a scold on his lips. Not tonight. Tonight, Erwin has that job. 

He stops Levi in place, pinching three of his fingers tight together and wedging them inside Levi's body, just to the end of the first knuckle. Levi gets the idea and keeps his mouth shut, shaking on the end of Erwin's fingers.

There's no such thing as silence in the bedroom tonight, no coldness: music swings, thick and heavy against the ears; Levi alternates between holding his breath and panting, shifting and relaxing by measures; Erwin wiggles his fingers and slips in a little deeper. 

Levi looks over his shoulder, red and wrecked already. He's precious. Erwin spreads his fingers and Levi bites out a groan, reaching for Erwin behind him and hauling him closer with insistent hands. Erwin takes his fingers out and steadies his hips.

"Lube?" Levi gasps, arms thrown behind his head to hold onto Erwin.

"Earn it," Erwin growls, at his wits end, bruising his fingertips into Levi's skin. There's enough from the plug. He has to bend over and pull Levi away from the wall to line them up. Levi gasps and throws his hands against the wall, bracing himself when Erwin guides himself to his hole, just open enough to catch on the lip of Levi's anus.

Erwin hisses as he penetrates Levi, the first three inches manageable from the plug, but after that it's short jerky motions, in and out, working Levi open. 

It's a wonder Erwin doesn't break down just from that. His gut clenches wildly, thighs shaking not from exhaustion but from the sheer desire filling him, the restraint of working in by inches.

Levi is not quiet. Each motion saws a noise from him, and he's stretching around Erwin, stretching out his body. He braces himself against the wall, arms taught, head hanging between his shoulders. When Erwin pulls out to the tip and thrusts in till almost all of him disappears, Levi cries out. 

"Daddy!"

It sounds so good. He's missed Levi, missed having him like this. Erwin grits his teeth and snaps forward, burying the last two inches of himself in Levi's ass. 

Levi buckles, crumpling to the wall, but Erwin catches him before he hurts himself and stands him up close, body arched, lifting him off his feet so Erwin can stay inside.

"I'm good," Levi says raggedly before Erwin can ask. "Oh, shit." He laughs deliriously.

His ass spasms wildly around Erwin with the laughter, muscles clamping and adjusting, protesting even if Levi wills them otherwise. Erwin only realizes now that he's breathing through gritted teeth, barely restraining himself.

"Levi, baby, baby boy, Daddy needs to fuck you." Erwin thinks for sure that he'll die if he doesn't start moving. 

Levi nods, but his hands hold tight behind Erwin's head, clutching painful handfuls of hair. Erwin grimaces and lifts him up an inch, down. It's too awkward to be satisfying.

While holding Levi isn't particularly straining, Levi's being useless and not making it any easier. And Erwin's cock is stuffed up his ass so he can't drop him without breaking that important bit of himself off. He shudders in horror.

Through a fog, Erwin lifts Levi up, cock falling free, and sets Levi down with only some hair pulling from Levi's end. Levi only touches the ground for a minute before Erwin picks him up again, holding him one handedly to push his dick back inside. 

Levi wraps his legs around Erwin's waist securely and kisses him with a dazed, impish smile. "There you go, Daddy." 

He'd been a useless sack of potatoes on purpose.

Erwin glares. 

"Brat," he snaps, pressing Levi to the wall again and snapping his hips up, jerking Levi down. Without the excess of lube they normally have, and after a month of nothing, it knocks some sense into Levi. Besides, Erwin knows Levi likes squirming around, too-tight and fucked-full.

With Levi leaned at an angle Erwin can move freely, thrusting into Levi in hard slams, purposefully knocking him against the wall. Levi squirms, shoulderblades bruising and something like satisfaction splitting his lips. When Erwin wants to go fast, he pulls Levi close and bounces him, shallow thrusts, milking his cock in the strangling grip of Levi's ass. 

"I want to be deeper," Erwin decides, and so they test his strength and Levi's flexibility and get his legs over Erwin's forearms, a precarious balancing act but Erwin can roll his hips up nicely and Levi can watch the clench of Erwin's muscles and stroke his own erection with one hand. And Erwin can watch him. Watch Levi fall apart again on the end of his cock, mouth hanging open, eyes shut, jerking himself off to the pleasure of Erwin inside of his body. As Levi starts to lose himself, Erwin pulls out with a groan and takes them to the bed again. 

"What? Daddy, no. _Daddy_ " Levi protests as Erwin peels him away. Levi whines in his throat, trying to look intimidating with his fucked-out expression, overly dramatic and testy, on the cusp of a second orgasm.

Erwin stands back, panting, dripping with sweat, cock jutting forward he's so hard. He licks his lips, squaring off with his boy, nerves twitching his fingers.

_Spoil him. Give him everything he wants. Make it good._

"Darling boy," Erwin says in as steady of a voice he can manage, looking down into Levi's liquid eyes, "would you like Daddy to spank you?"

Levi blinks, sobriety coming over him. Erwin puts a finger to his rosey lips to still Levi from breaking out of the scene prematurely on Erwin's behalf.

"You've been such a good boy. Daddy thinks he knows how to reward you."

Levi licks Erwin's finger, eyes gem bright as he looks at Erwin. Something passes between them. He takes Erwin's hand into his own and kisses it. He understands. "Only if you promise it makes you feel good too, Daddy."

Erwin's heart clenches. "I do." 

Levi nods and Erwin climbs into bed with him, grateful for the kisses Levi bestows on him, all across his face, his body, even between his thighs although Levi avoids Erwin's cock with a scrunched nose that only endears him more if that's even possible.

Levi rides Erwin beautifully, so good on him. Erwin holds his hand, heart no longer rushing, his orgasm sitting coiled at the base of his spine, close.

He thought this through; he starts with two fingers, tapping them against Levi's butt. They gain force, they rise to three. Then four. Levi nods to him, kisses him, rolls his ass forward and back to suck and pull on Erwin. He's so tight, Erwin thinks he could get stuck inside Levi.

He takes a deep breathe, whole hand resting on the curve of Levi's ass - he lifts it and smacks lightly, no more than a pat. He pats Levi like this often. Levi moves encouragingly. Erwin does it again, harder. 

Levi hums and slinks down over Erwin, squeezing on the head of his cock, kissing Erwin. "More," he begs, wiggling his hips, giving Erwin a clean easy target.

Erwin closes his eyes and rubs his smooth skin before slapping him, a bright clap of sound; Levi moans into his ear and squeezes on him harder. Erwin lets out a breath, wrapping an arm around Levi to hold him close, and builds up a pace, swats hard enough to sting, to make Levi gasp and wriggle on him. Erwin can feel every reaction like this, inside and out, Levi held tight. Levi is close, above him, Erwin is giving him this. 

Levi rocks, starts fucking himself in short motions, moaning and hiccupping now as Erwin lands blow after blow on the curve of his ass. Erwin can feel the vibrations in his own cock, the wet exhale of Levi's breath.

Erwin comes without fanfare, body releasing into Levi, draining him of a burning tension. It pulls and pulls from inside him, a shakiness that transfers into Levi, leaving Erwin blissed and tingling down to his toes, toes curling, stomach tightening and hips passing through a final throw of excitement. Levi ruts down hard against his stomach until he comes too, curling around Erwin and shuddering, his pleasure running wet down Erwin's skin. It's relief.

 

They fall asleep and wake up glued together, to Erwin's amusement and Levi's loudly vocalized horror. Levi's bone-deep exhausted though, lazy with being well fucked. Erwin is invigorated and nobly cleans him up, kissing Levi's pink butt with cartoonish enthusiasm.

They put on layers and take pillows and blankets out to the balcony. The air is crisp but still and the city lights make a decent replacement for stars.

"Just try it," Erwin coaxes, holding the fat end of a cigar to Levi's lips. "Don't slobber on the paper." 

Levi elbows him and takes a puff - he coughs and his eyes water and he tells Erwin that he's disgusting.

Erwin blows smoke plumes into the air. "God damn," he sighs, heaven on earth. Levi snuggles into his chest, a ball of warmth. 

"Hey Erwin?"

"Hmm?"

"Isn't gold mining really bad for the environment?" Erwin looks down, eyebrows raised. Levi shrugs. "What, isn't it?"

Erwin starts laughing, head thrown back. He decides, as he explains that he sourced from Nu-eco Gold, a company GGT works with, that he's going to marry this boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LORD ALMIGHTY that was a monster. 1/3 is porn lmao  
> i PROMISE they are done fighting. there is still drama ahead but everything between them is up from here :)  
> two chapters (and an epilogue) left !!
> 
> We are gonna get more from the dinner scene in the next chapter from Levi's POV. This was all wrapped up in Erwin's head.
> 
> Thank you so much for the support i love it and it helps me so much the motivation you guys man oh man.  
> if u have any questions about the fic, message me. i'm on tumblr too at stillmadaboutpetra


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's dinner pov

Marie walks in the door, and Levi knows why any man would love her. She’s beautiful, a beautiful that sort of guts you. A woman that looks like your sweetheart and your mother all at once, one of those beautifuls, bursting with internal radiance so obviously that something stirs in Levi’s chest. An answering spring. She is fat, pear-shaped, motherhood heavy on her hips. She has a polished face and shiny hair. Levi considers the softness of her body, and fits Erwin between her thighs, an abstract idea to him. He feels no insecurity holding the image in his mind. If anything, seeing Erwin hug her, how warm and careful the embrace looks, Marie becomes to him a companion. Erwin has loved her. What a stupid thing for two people to share.  
  
Erwin puts a hand on the small of his back. “Nile, Marie, meet my boyfriend, Levi.”  
  
Levi can’t decide who to care about more: Erwin, Nile, or Marie.   
  
Erwin gives him a little push forward, encouragement. The night must follow a formula to victory, achievement. There is a goal, and it is not socializing. That’s only the means to an end. Levi wishes Erwin wouldn’t drag work home. _Their home_ goddamnit. Fuck, he could scream.   
  
Nile has a tight handshake, squinty eyes. He is Erwin’s target, a problem to dismantle. Nile with his fishing trips that made Erwin think and come confessing his love to Levi. Maybe Levi owes him something.   
  
Maybe he owes Marie something too. Marie, who looks at Levi how Levi hates to be looked at — in judgement against Erwin. Her eyes go up and down over him, then flick to Erwin, shrewd, and back again.  
  
“Levi,” she says his name too long, feeling it all over. She must have taught Erwin how to say someone’s name so long and nice. Marie. Marie. Erwin could have had kids by her.  
  
“Nice to meet you,” he clips. The one great prior love of Erwin Smith’s life.   
  
He beats down a laugh.   
  
She hugs him. It’s probably the yellow cardigan; it makes him look inviting. But she smells good and feels good to hug, so he lets it happen, though it’s brief and distant. No squashing. American’s need an intermediary greeting between kissing and handshakes and hugging is not the answer. Someone bring fist-pounding back, for fuck’s sake.

“It smells amazing in here,” she compliments. Because she cannot comment on him anymore, but her eyes are as bright and blue as Erwin’s, drawing Levi in.   
  
“We brought wine,” Nile offers up two bottles. “Red and white. Didn’t know what you had planned.”  
  
“Beef. Red will be nice for dinner.” Levi takes both in hand, skimming the labels. “White for dessert.”

Erwin touches his back again, palm smoothing Levi’s spine straighter. “Do you want help in the kitchen?” he asks Levi, and then aside to company adds: “He made absolutely everything from scratch.”

They ah appreciatively. 

“I got it. You guys catch up,” Levi answers quickly, grateful Erwin gave him an out. He loathes the stilted shift into conversation. Meeting new people makes his skin crawl, and he isn’t nearly drunk enough for this. Petra usually handles this part when they’re out.  
  
He leaves the company to delve into the quiet space of the kitchen, surrounded by shining pans, aromatics of his own devising, the spotless surfaces of freshly wiped counters.   
  
The whole affair makes him anxious. Levi doesn’t even doubt that Erwin is right about the problem, Nile probably does have weird reservations about Erwin. But Erwin wants to _show_ them Levi. Levi doesn’t know what to let them see. 

When he’s with Erwin, he knows who he is: Levi. But the second other people enter the room, something falls through the cracks. He becomes Erwin’s boyfriend, a strange mold he has to elbow his way into to fit. 

Levi huffs and shoves the sleeves of his cardigan up to his elbows, cashmere gracious against his skin, a present from Erwin. The colour reminds him of wild flowers now hidden under husks of fallen leaves. He wants to swim through it. 

Erwin, Nile, and Marie pass through the wide opening that leads from the hall to the kitchen and move into the rest of the apartment. Levi relaxes a margin and checks his pots and pans, opens the oven door to a wave of heat and mouth-watering smell. He pours a glass of wine, drinking steadily as he checks the meat’s temperature, nods to himself and closes the door.

He sets the glass in the fridge, pulls out four new ones and a chilled bottle of their own white wine, sliding the one from Nile into the door. He goes out to them in the living room. Erwin smiles at him, already a little strained at the eyes. He’s stiff, practiced. Levi can see it. This whole fucking thing is stupid. Nile’s arm is cinched tight around Marie’s waist, the two of them sunk back into couch cushions.

“Erwin, would you grab the platter I have on the counter?” Levi more or less orders, coded in politeness. He slides into the spot in the perpendicular section of the couch Erwin evacuated, comforted by the warmth left behind. 

“Wine?” Levi asks, pouring glasses before confirmation reaches his ears. 

“So, Levi, you two live together?” Marie asks, taking a glass. He nods.

“Erwin didn’t mention he was seeing anyone when we were on our trip,” Nile says. Levi holds onto his wine for dear life. 

~~

He takes the beef out and lets it sit, turns the oven up and slides in the apple pie, sets the timer. He takes his earlier glass of wine from the fridge, drinking steadily as he checks the meat’s temperature, nods to himself and closes the door. The empty glass goes into the sink. He triple checks he turned off the stovetop. 

Erwin smooths out his spine, kisses his head. Nile opens the bottle of red wine. 

Marie taps her wine glass against his. Levi blinks at her; she winks.

“Quite the little misses,” she jokes. Except it doesn’t sound like a joke. Her words words were quiet so Levi thinks only he heard them. They’re for him.

He nods and she nods and he watches her eat from around the cutting edge of his wine glass until Erwin’s pleading eyes drag him away.  
~~

When he leaves the table, Erwin mentions something about how Levi likes to keep the place clean. (“I was wondering why it didn’t look like a bachelor pad in here,” Nile ribs.)

Marie follows him. “Let me help you.”

“I’ve got it.” The water runs so hot it hurts on his hands.

Marie is red in the face. She finds the half empty bottle from earlier. “Do you mind?”

Levi stares at her briefly. “No. Pour me one too. Let’s finish it.”

She smiles and does so. “I can’t drink at home with the boys.” She shakes her head, laughs. “I’ve turned into such a light weight. I can’t believe it. I think I’m drunk.” 

Levi wipes his hands dry to accept the glass. “That makes two of us.”

“And in front of Erwin,” she adds, making a face. As if it’s significant.

“Shit, I’m always drunk in front of Erwin.” Levi loses his smile the moment he takes another sip of wine. He eyes the dishes soaking in hot water. He’ll do them when Marie is gone.

Marie looks at him oddly then hums. “So what are your holiday plans?”  
  
“We’re going to my folks' for thanksgiving and his mom’s for Christmas.”   
  
“Is Barbara still out in Seattle?” Marie asks, latching onto the known, though she looks pensive.  
  
Levi nods. He holds silent in anticipation for more.   
  
Marie nods, like that confirms something for her. “Has Erwin —” and here she pauses because she knows she is going to trespass - she waits for Levi’s cue: a long drink of wine and risen eyebrows. He wants to know everything she has to say about Erwin, about Erwin before Levi knew him. Fuck if Levi doesn’t love the man, wants every scrap of him he can get. She continues: “I don’t think she’s met a boyfriend before. Erwin only introduces serious relationships to his mother. He’s a little funny about his mom.”  
  
It makes Levi wonder endlessly about the delight in Erwin’s eyes when Levi calls him Daddy.  
  
“What unmarried 40-something man isn’t weird about his mom,” Levi deadpans, quite serious. Marie coughs wine into her glass with a laugh.  
  
“Too true. It’d be acceptable if he were at least divorced…”   
  
Levi guesses she’s imagining if they had married and then divorced, instead of just suffered a prolonged engagement. It’s a modern wonder of the world that they are friends at all, but it’s a relationship with plenty of amicable and reasonable estrangement.

“We are serious,” Levi feels compelled to say. He leans against the counter, facing Marie. 

She smiles kindly. “You are living together.”  
  
Levi debates asking Marie if she still loves Erwin. But he doesn’t have to, he already knows what she’ll say. No. She’ll say no. She’ll say she’s happy with Nile, she loves her husband. and then she’ll mention her children, three rambunctious boys. But she will pause, and in her mind imagine them blond, maybe blue eyed, she’ll imagine the different weight of Erwin beside her in bed and think about how the sheets used to smell and perhaps one particular look of love Erwin gave her - and she’ll say something like “sometimes I imagine what it would be like, but I don’t regret marrying Nile.”  
  
Levi doesn’t have to ask her that question at all. Marie does not love Erwin because she  does not know him anymore. She loves the faded potential of what their young lives once meant. She loves Nile, her boys, herself. She does not regret.   
  
“He doesn’t talk about you,” Levi blurts.  
  
Marie looks down. “I hurt him very much.”  
  
“Probably.” What an amazing thing it is, to be able to hurt someone. Levi could break Erwin, break some bleeding part of him.   
  
“It was for the best,” she says firmly, remembering it all, how Erwin hurt her first. “We wanted different things. We really would be divorced by now. I don’t know what you’re doing here.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Levi prompts, harder than he should, something rolling through him. 

“I don’t know how he tricked you into putting up with him this long.” Marie catches herself too late, claps a hand over her mouth. 

“Woah,” Levi blinks. At first the words barely mean anything but he knows they’re bad and important to her. “You’re fucked up.”

“I’m so sorry. That’s so out of line.” She’s scarlet with embarrassment. “Levi.”

Erwin’s out there at the table negotiating a business contract with her husband. They both go silent, straining to hear if they have been heard. They hear the same murmuring of men. Levi shakes his head.

“This is wild,” Levi mumbles under his breath, draining his glass.

Marie tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “This is embarrassing.” She widens her eyes and shakes her head. “Wow. Get it together, Marie,” she jokes thinly. 

“Why’d you break up with him?” Levi asks flatly. “You have to tell me now too so don’t bullshit me. We’re drunk, this is bonding. We’ve shared dick.”

Marie looks mildly traumatized by the whole thing. Levi waits her out because this shit he can do. 

She heaves a sigh. “I feel classless talking about Erwin to his new boyfriend, I’ll have you know.”

Levi shrugs. “You’ve been itching to warn me away all night.”

She thins her lips and even though she’s still rosey-cheeked, still a little abashed, something changes in her. Her look. “We were supposed to get married, have a family. And he couldn’t seem to move past just saying the words.”

Levi lifts an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

Marie shakes her head. “Erwin’s good at words. He’s good at anything he puts his mind to, and me, our relationship, that wasn’t it. I could only wait for words to turn into reality for so long.”

“Huh,” Levi grunts. “That sucks.” He figured as much. 

“I hope he’s changed, for both your sakes,” Marie says. "I want him to let himself be happy with someone."

Levi hums. Who fucking knows. 

~~

By the time Erwin and Nile wrap up and join them, Levi and Marie have moved on to the topic of cardstock and embossing. Erwin kisses Marie’s cheek goodbye. Levi shakes Nile’s hand. He washes his hands after and finishes off the last bit of the white wine. The dishes are done and put away. 

Erwin runs a hand down his face, makes a ragged noise. “I’m glad that’s over.”

Levi yawns, flopping onto the couch. Erwin lets Levi drag him down on top. “Did you get what you wanted?” He starts kissing Erwin. 

Erwin holds his weight off Levi and returns the kisses distractedly, lets Levi mouth at his neck while he speaks. “I did. I’m not entirely happy with Nile still, he’s being a dick. But what can I do.” He sighs. “What did you and Marie talk about all that while?”

“Your dick,” Levi says, pushing a thigh between Erwin’s legs. 

Erwin grimaces at him. “Cute.”

Levi grins and nips at his neck. “Mmmhmm. Pay attention to me now. Fuck me.” He sucks on Erwin’s neck, nose filled with the good smell of his cologne. Erwin sits back and Levi bites his lip, heart leaping for him to stay close. 

Erwin looks down at him, considerate. He strokes Levi’s cheek, his stained lips. He opens his mouth  —words words words –his gaze slides from Levi’s face to the empty glass on the coffee table, lingers. His mouth twitches down. He kisses Levi’s forehead. 

“Not tonight.” 

~~

Levi does what Marie did not: he fights Erwin. He fights him to his face and fights for him. 

Erwin is more than words. 

Levi tells him he’s been bad and Erwin makes it up to him. Levi forgives him. They move on. That’s what you do. Levi doesn’t blame Marie, and he doesn’t blame Erwin. And he refuses to regret anything.

Levi combs Erwin’s bangs back from his forehead, waiting for Erwin to wake up fully. His eyelids flutter, hazy morning blue. He smiles. He falls in and out of sleep under Levi’s fingers.

“Am I good now?” Erwin mumbles.

“You’re good,” Levi promises. He traces the curl of Erwin’s ear. “I won’t let you get bad.”

Erwin shudders with an exhale. “Levi.” 

Maybe Erwin taught Marie how to say names long and nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah so I changed a bunch of stuff that was going to happen so I'm just like?? Here. It's small but it didn't make sense to add more to this chapter.
> 
> But yeah this is just the flipside of Erwin's but much smaller and more compact. Also i love Marie. 
> 
> Anyway last chapter is gonna be nice and mushygushy


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is it for Toeing the Line. Put this baby to bed.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the interest and support.
> 
> Special thanks to the bae Fractalbright who makes sure this isn't garbage :*

Family is . . . Levi grasps for a word that has an ounce of originality and comes up flat. Family is complicated. Whose isn’t? Even Petra will say she has a “complicated” relationship with her parents and Petra has a great relationship with them. But it’s complicated. Hell, even his relationship with Erwin can be reduced to that simple word, complicated, but everything in this world is a mess of layers and knots and half-extended gestures – things that never materialize and live in the intangible recesses of an individual’s mind.

The car ride to Levi’s grandmothers house – grandmother by marriage and not blood – blood just another complicated business – is just long enough to afford the trip an overnight stay. Erwin’s been weird about the upcoming visit which doesn’t help Levi’s own anxieties. In the wake of their brief rough patch, one they’ve strongly recovered from, Erwin has been more attentive than Levi could have ever dreamed.

They’re back at his and Petra’s apartment on Tuesdays: Thai Tuesdays, Tequila Tuesdays (Erwin moderates them to one margarita each.) Erwin comes home at reasonable hours. Their Sundays are long and luxurious together. They have had only a short time before this Thanksgiving get-together imposes itself upon their quiet bliss.

It has been blissful. Uncomplicated bliss. The only odd thing to have occurred by outside factors was Mike’s appearance the day before Thanksgiving. GGT gave its employees a generous holiday break. Erwin apologized once for deciding to go in on this day to wrap up a few loose ends; Levi absolved him of any guilt. “Go. My family will put you through enough hell tomorrow that you don’t need any from me.”

Erwin had looked at him with such an expression of strong regard that just recalling the moment was enough to make Levi curl inwards in silent celebration to be loved so thoroughly.

And it was on this day that Mike came to the door of his and Erwin’s apartment, filling up the space completely with his body, tall and still to Levi, intimidating.

“Erwin’s at the office,” Levi had said, quite prepared to be dismissed as he so often was by Mike. He’s interacted with Mike tangentially quite a few times since their initial meeting, and has never penetrated into the confines of the other man’s attentions in any specific way, though nor has he invited Mike into his life. They got along simply by not disagreeing with each other.

“I know,” Mike said, eyes sparkling, eyes so high up from Levi, perched on either side of the axe-blade of Mike’s nose. What a nose on that man. There was no part of Mike Levi might call small. He seemed built from great slabs of sandstone by great big hands. “I’m calling on you.”

Levi squinted at him. Mike smiled to himself, waiting for Levi to accept his curios interest because Levi didn’t have much of a choice. He couldn’t very well say no. So Levi let the door hang open and turned back to the apartment, spine straight, trying to affect an air of belonging. “Shoes off. Tea or coffee?”

“Whatever you’d like to make. But I’m here to take you grocery shopping.”

That prompted Levi to fix Mike with a new look. “Uh-huh, Erwin send you?” he asked, hands on his hips, mouth pursed thoughtfully, prematurely disposed of whatever idea those two great big men had decided together. Erwin wanted him to bond with Mike? Really? Now of all times? Levi just wanted to survive the holidays.

Mike scratched his nose, leaning towards Levi, as if sensing Levi’s disinterest in the idea. “He didn’t want to risk going tonight and the stores not having what you need. I have a car.”

Levi gave over to logic and ended up in Mike’s jeep that smelled like too many dogs. They suffered conspicuous silence together for half the trip, crawling through traffic, Levi checking his grocery list in paranoia. Was sweet potato pie and roasted butternut squash too much orange? He should have called Elisha and asked if the girls liked to eat orange food. He remembered when they only wanted to eat yellow foods last year. Hanna had put food dye in anything she could.

“I like you,” Mike said abruptly, and Thanksgiving flew from Levi’s mind.

He looked at Mike who was looking at him, the car still at a stop light.

“In a creepy way?” Levi asked blandly.

Mike hummed. “Not how Erwin likes you.”

“Ah. So not creepy.”

They nodded to each other. Levi tucked his hands under his thighs.

“I thought you didn’t,” he shrugged, unsure of where this was going but sure that Erwin had some power in its happening, and Erwin’s presence, if only in his assumptions, comforted him.

“It’s complicated,” Mike explained. “I’ll be honest, I’m surprised at who you are, to Erwin at least. You came out of left field, Levi.” His eyes fall back to the street. “But my behavior really had nothing to do with you and all to do with Erwin. But, but,” he taps his fingers against the steering wheel, “but you two are peachy. So I’m making myself clear to you.”

Levi wondered what Nannaba thought of all this. “And that means?”

Mike reached over and slapped Levi companionably on the chest. “It means, do you want to look at awkward photos of Erwin from college?”

Levi lifted an eyebrow. “Tempting. Very tempting, Mike.” Was his relationship with Mike now anymore or any less complicated? It seemed, just like Marie, Mike knew only how to extend himself to Levi over the body of Erwin. And who could blame them, when Levi gave them nothing to relate to besides their lovely blond Smith? Levi became viscerally aware of the trajectory of his life. Erwin’s boyfriend. He did not want to be Erwin’s boyfriend in the eyes of all of these people. He would not survive that way. Talking over wine, lifted into the comforts of the progressive middle class. Even if people looked at him kindly, it was always the same: who was he to Erwin. Where did Levi begin in their minds if not attached to Erwin, the corporal product of Erwin’s love and time. His only escape would be the naked sincerity of Petra’s love and the small tidy world of the desk he had in Pixis’s spare study.

“No,” he said suddenly, sternly, surprising them both. “I don’t want to do that.”

God…he loved Erwin and the life they had together. But the future was not liquid and shining before him, not if he remained passive, escaping to the remains of the life he had before. He did not want to build into Erwin’s life, twenty years stronger and more established than his own. He wanted something new.

“Okay,” Mike answered quietly, cautiously, such a dulcet voice from a man that size and strength. “I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable.”

Levi listened to Mike breathe in deeply, breathe in every wave of young-blood dread in Levi’s body.

“Levi?” Mike prompted.

Levi considered the thin blue sky hanging across his world. “How much time you got?”

“Time for what?”

“Let’s take your dogs for a long ass walk.”

He met Mike’s inquisitive eyes with a determined confidence of his own. Mike smiled. “I can do for a long ass walk.” And they spoke not a word of Erwin Smith if they could help it.

~

“My family is complicated,” Levi explains to Erwin on the way to his grandmother’s house who is not his grandmother by blood but by marriage. “But it is what it is.”

Erwin knows the rough overview of how he grew up, the strings of tragedy. They’re painted as events, like footnotes from a history book. Levi cannot remove them from who he is though he tries not to scour for their marks across his personhood.

His grandmother died giving birth to his mother and her twin brother, Kane. Kuchel came out like a greased pig, but Kane ripped something asunder inside Helene Ackerman. He grew up loved only by his twin sister, only minutes older than he and without guilt of killing their mother. His grandfather had remarried a younger woman who bore him a second son, Elisha. It was only fitting that Kuchel died two days after giving birth to Levi at the tender age of 17. Kuchel, though much loved by her father, had named Kane the guardian of her cursed little boy. Kane, barely a man himself, had taken Levi away from what he assumed was sure destruction inside the family home. Too many photographs framed in black, too much pain. Levi didn’t cry enough, his silence unsettling. Kane used to slip him from his crib and sleep with Levi on his chest, as dangerous an action as any.

Levi grew to look too much like his mother, and took on her weakness for men, it seemed. The once intimate if demanding relationship between him and his uncle-turned-father Kane broke as Levi slithered in and out of boys’ beds through his high school years. Grandfather died. Kane turned cruel with his passions. Levi took off, estranged from the half-blood he shared with Elisha, who wasn’t old enough himself to step into Levi’s life with any sense of direction. Every turn seemed mined with bombs.

Levi had found home at community college during summer courses when Petra Real stepped into his German class, trying to fit in her secondary language requirement amongst a mess of education courses and night labs. To him, this is the most important thing Erwin should know. The now, not the how.

He explains all this to Erwin through the course of their relationship. But Erwin is an awful bastard and he likes to pester Levi with questions like “but what of them?” The in-law grandmother and the uncle by his grandfather’s blood. How Levi finally sulked back to his distant family, missing Elisha’s marriage to Samantha but not the birth of his three cousins. Triplets. God, how everyone had held their breath – even Kane, who had stood beside Levi but not spoken a word to him. They held their breaths and waited, and Samantha, a Georgia-born black woman, had survived three babies, three baby girls who would grow up strong.

With their coming, Levi returned. Hanna Ackerman loves him sweetly. Elisha apologetically. Samantha and Levi get on well, and the girls can convince Levi into any of their games.

Kane loves only Levi and speaks not a word to him if he can help it.

~~

It comes in waves. It comes like wind.

Levi’s been ranting with comedic sincerity about “problematique sandwich culture” or something asinine for the last twenty minutes – “It’s a grilled cheese with tomato. With tomato. The tomato is not part of the grilled cheese. It’s trespassing. It’s not its own sandwich. The sandwich is a grilled cheese. You can’t have anything but cheese on it” – really the boy could get worked up over anything if he put his mind to it. Erwin only has to interject here or there with something to keep Levi’s voice filling up the space of the car and wrapping around Erwin comfortably as he fixed his mind on not missing another exist.

But it comes. A nervous heavy knot swinging inside him, hitting something in its pendulum arc that makes Erwin sigh quietly, readjust his grip on the steering wheel and steal sidewise looks at Levi too often, guised as checking his side view mirrors.

Levi has stripped most of his layers off by now, bundled up from the morning and down to just that cozy yellow cardigan. His hands wave about, gesticulating the importance of his opinion on the matter – “What is up with people toasting their subs? It’s not a sub if you toast it. Erwin, are you listening to me? Is it a hoagie if it’s hot?” –

Levi assumes Erwin’s laughter is at his expense and not at Erwin’s. He does no realize that Erwin still can’t believe his luck.

The knot inside him tightens as he holds Levi’s hand across the gear shift. “Okay, baby, but consider this: open-faced sandwiches.”

Levi quiets momentarily, looking thoughtful. Then he seems to scrunch up, pricked with new energy. “Those fuckers. Sandwiches take two slices of bread.”

Erwin pats his thigh.

~~~

Levi points at a house with a mint green door and shutters set against its pristine, annually power washed white body. “That’s the one.” Erwin has to loop through the spider web neighborhood streets to get back to Levi’s grandmother’s home.

“I painted those three years ago. When I first came around,” he says, voice oddly lost in th gray stillness of November. Erwin stands beside him outside of the car, just a few sections of sidewalk away from the house. He can imagine Levi, God, only twenty, trying to find some semblance of belonging with people he barely knew. He must have worked hard to be useful.

“It’s a nice colour,” Erwin admires. He can see Levi’s slight nod from the corner of his eye.

“Hanna picked it out.” Levi knows Erwin won’t push him forward here, and so he makes the first move, sliding his hand into Erwin’s patient palm. “Alright. I know you’re excited.”

Erwin smiles. “Do you really think your cousins will invite me to tea?”

Levi looks up at him briefly, snorts, and shakes his head. “Course you’ll be invited.” Levi shakes his head again, biting his lip, laughing a little more now.

It's precious, that bubbling, lost-in-the-gray sound. Erwin wants to capture it. He uses the leverage of Levi’s hand in his own to tug Levi close and smothers him, bending just about in half so he can tickle Levi’s ears with his voice, his lips.

“Why are you laughing at me,” Erwin asks, mock-distressed.

Levi fights playfully, though far more violently than he would at home, blush fast on his cheek. He’s embarrassed at the affection on the doorstep, and yet, Erwin can tell it thrills him. Perhaps he too has a tense knot inside. “You know why.” His struggles seem to only root him deeper against Erwin, tucking into the soft folds of Erwin’s sweater, body folding under Erwin’s whims. “You’re a prince charming.”

Levi’s hair smells sweet where Erwin kisses at the crown of his skull. Like honeysuckles and spring. “Am I really?”

Levi shoves him off finally and pulls at his clothes, straightening them. “No. Dog,” he spits without hate, turning quickly to wrap his knuckles on the door. The cold air makes the knock ring loud and short through the air. Erwin runs a hand through his hair in last minute adjustment, the time between the announcement of their arrival and their reception suddenly terrifying. Every single wrong he has done Levi comes back to him; they are painted on his face. Would everything respectable about him, his neat hair, his good clothes, the good clothes he lavishes on Levi, would these things appear distasteful in the face of kin?

Someone sings out to them from inside: “Coming!”

Levi half turns and spots Erwin’s constricted face, the panicked-wideness of his eyes. Erwin meets his concerned gaze; Levi opens his mouth at the same time the door opens, and his reassurances do not sound.

“Sam,” Levi greets, immediately embraced by Elisha’s wife, Samantha, who comes up an inch short of Levi’s height.

“Oooh, hi Levi, I am so glad you’re here.” Her eyes are open as she stares up at Erwin from over Levi’s shoulder. He smiles, tries to look wholesome and non-threatening. “And you brought your man.” Her lips curl up. Levi groans and disentangles from the hug painfully graceless.

“Nice to meet you, Sam. I’m Erwin Smith.” He takes the initiative, preventing what would be an exceptionally curt introduction from Levi, and extends his hand. Sam laughs lightly and shakes it, her hand lost in the size of his own.

“Nice to meet you,” she says playfully. She hums, judgmental and considerate. “Hmm. Mm. Mhmmm.”

Levi stares off, leaving Erwin to this wolf. Her eyes go over the embroidered Polo emblem on his sweater, his gold watch, the suede of his shoes. “Nice to meet you,” she repeats.

As if in private, she says to Levi, “He’s a gonner.”

“What does that mean?” Erwin asks.

Levi clicks his tongue. “Makes my life easier,” he says unhelpfully. Sam throws her head back and releases one “Ha” and gestures for them to go inside; they’re letting the warm out.

The house smells like Turkey and clove cigarettes. Levi’s nose wrinkles, but Erwin finds it oddly inviting. It’s a lived-in smell. This is the house Levi might have grown up in in another life, but didn’t. Erwin reaches for the abstract ghost of Levi’s mother, tries to find her girlhood and some grain of Levi’s history all around him. But this was never Levi’s home, it isn’t now. He’s here as a guest, and Erwin even more so. Levi hadn’t wanted to really come to this. He preferred a Seder dinner to a thanksgiving feast. _“If you’re going to do a holiday dinner, do Seder.” Erwin had argued that they should get the awkward first meeting out of the way, so he wouldn’t spoil Levi’s favorite holiday. “What if I spoil Christmas?” “Absolutely impossible, darling.” Don’t you realize? Darling. Darling, you will be my Christmas. –_ Erwin has it all wrong.

Hanna is younger than Erwin’s mother, but her mere presence makes Erwin firm up with mature respect, appears from the kitchen. She smiles at the sight of them. “It’s good to see you, Levi.” Levi kisses her powdery cheek, submissive to her status. An even younger Levi once crept here, looking for something. He found a woman who loved him without obligation, the bastard child of the daughter from her husband's first wife. 

“Hello, Ma,” Levi murmurs. She pats his cheek, looks him over. It's a gamble each year to keep Levi amongst them, to reassure him he does have a place even if he still skirts around total acceptance.

Her eyes, dark and shiny, roam to Erwin. “And you, the man. It’s nice to meet you, Erwin.”

She is not Levi’s mother, nor even his grandmother. But she is Levi’s, and her hand had been so confident on Levi’s cheek. Levi who, as Erwin knows from Levi’s own mouth, is the spitting image of his late grandfather.

Erwin bows down to kiss her other cheek. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

She smiles and pats his cheek. “You’re too old for that. Call me Ma or Hanna.”

Erwin smiles gently. “Hanna it is.”

Levi puts a hand on Erwin’s back, fingers spread out like flares of the sun before they clutch into his sweater for sureness. Hanna nods at the sight of them. “Sammy, find my son and have him help Erwin with whatever bags they have. Levi, go greet your cousins. They've been underfoot all day.”

The organization Hanna’s words bring make Levi sigh loudly with relief. It pushes the day forward and sets them into motion.

~~

Elisha lopes out to the car shortly behind Erwin, a tall youthful looking man, gangly limbed, narrow-hipped. He’s darker than Levi, taking on his mother’s bronze complexion and coarser hair that gives him a stunningly groomed beard. But the same obsidian eyes Levi has sit firmly in his face. He smiles strong teeth: “Hey, man, good to meet you.”

He shakes Erwin’s hand firmly and enthusiasticly. He’s but a few years younger than Erwin; a strange stray uncle to Levi, perhaps more of a distant brother. Every person Erwin has met as been bright and kind, welcoming.

It’s no doubt to compensate for Kane. Erwin hopes to never meet the man; he might knock his teeth out for kicking Levi out of his life.

Maybe it took Levi twenty years to get to them, but it’s never to late to find more family.

“So you like kids, huh?” Elisha continues on as he hauls up two grocery bags of food. Erwin has their one shared duffle bag over his shoulder.

Elisha’s comment makes Erwin stumble. “Uh – what? -- _Levi.”_ Levi, please, don’t be making off-colour jokes so soon.

Elisha draws his chin to his chest. “I wasn’t suggesting you babysit the girls. Levi just said you liked kids.”

Erwin practically slaps himself in the face over the mistake. He still blames Levi because clearly his foul sense of humor has penetrated and defiled Erwin’s mind. “Sorry – I thought you were talking about Levi.”

“What?”

Erwin’s really digging himself into a hole. He catches a whiff of his deodorant as sweat starts under his arms. "The age gap. I thought…it was a joke about me being an old man.”

He might as well say it because everyone is thinking it. Levi brought home the man, the old fart man.

Elisha laughs, surprising Erwin. His smile stretches across his whole face. “He wouldn’t in this house. Not with Ma still having her hearing like she does.”

Erwin hums. “No teasing?” He’s tempted to get Levi in trouble just to see what happens. Levi’s always trouble. Not lately, he hasn’t had as much time to be a pretty pest during Erwin’s days as they both liked him to play. Almost as soon as Erwin thinks all that, he knows now isn’t the time. When they're home, he'll coax an attitude out of Levi.

“Ma will tease. She just doesn’t like cracks about age gaps. Dad was fifteen years older than she.”

Now that gives Erwin pause. “I had no idea.”

Elisha bounces with each step, that sharp strut Levi has. Men who walk with their whole leg and then some.

~~

Erwin’s job, he’s told, is to keep the girls occupied. Everyone says “the girls.” They sound like a force of their own. “Send Levi down to cook.” So Erwin goes up the steps, second door on the right. He drops their bag off in one of the guest bedrooms and finds the den with the blow up mattress where the girls are set up.

They’re identical triplets, a striking picture all together. Three brown girls with matching gingham dresses, matching afro poofs. Levi’s misplaced between them, silently crayoning a puppy in a colouring book.

“Make the eyes purple,” one of the girls orders. At the creak of the floor, their eyes, six new-penny copper eyes, fix on Erwin.

 

He advances no further under their scrutinizing gaze, merely raises a hand in a wave. Levi looks up at him lazily.

“Hi there.” He tries to remember the mindset of being three. Everyone was a giant back then, full of answers. Everyone was safe and new all at once.

“That the man?” the same girl who wanted the purple puppy eyes asks.

“Mhmm. That’s my prince charming.” Levi rests his chin in his hand, amusement glowing in his face.

One girl looks at a discarded colouring book, Tiana and Naveen in saturated colour across the cover. No one moves forward, all waiting and waitting.

Erwin steps into the room slowly and takes a seat at the low children’s table. “You’re supposed to be cooking,” he tells Levi. Levi hums and stands up without fuss.

“That’s it for me, little beans. Play nice with Erwin.”

“No!” one screams, shrill and unreasonably terrified. She latches onto Levi’s leg. “Don’t leave.”

Levi swoops down and hauls her up into the air with sudden intensity, roaring and swinging her around close to his chest, his socked feet dancing across he floor. She squeals, easily won over. Levi takes her all about the room, spinning, holding her tightly.

“We’re gonna crash,” he warns. She wails in delight as Levi falls onto the air mattress, a careful planned collapse. Levi goes down with a trusting release to gravity, landing on his back and his baby cousin jostled only just so. The other two girls bolt to him and clamber on top of him. Levi sputters, half-smothered under them.

“Play with us next.”

“Don’t go.”

Levi brings the closest cheek he can find to his lips and blows a raspberry; his face is perfectly neutral and softly content. “If you ask Erwin nicely, he’ll play whatever game you want.”

They fall into a hush and turn shy looks to Erwin who is halfway melted into a puddle on the floor. He holds his breath.

“Will he really?” one whispers.

Levi nods his head. “Yep. But you gotta get off of me. And ask him nicely.”

They shuffle slowly, releasing Levi to stand up once more. Erwin extends an open palm to them.

“I bet I’m better at playing than Levi,” he wagers, flicking his eyes to Levi.

Levi pulls down an eyelid and sticks out his tongue before turning on his heel and abandoning ship. “Don’t hurt him too bad, you bad little beans.”

~~

Erwin has not lost his ability to entertain children. Kids love him, for some splendid reason. No small part of this comes from his size – he makes an excellent human jungle gym. The girls tackle and maul him, climb up his arms and legs, get lifted into the air and tossed harmlessly onto the air mattress. It’s a racket of joyful screams and the occasionally sincere grunt of pain from Erwin when a stray elbow catches him too sharply. The girls, Leah, Laila, and Lulu, are petite monsters, quite persistent in their desires to drag Erwin to his knees and keep him there.

Elisha runs up to check on them shortly before dinner, when it’s too quite and he’s sure his children have committed their first homicide. He finds, instead of blood and guts, Erwin asleep on the air mattress, Leah on his chest, Laila and Lulu tucked under an arm respectively. He takes a picture on his phone and creeps away to spread the good word. One by one, Samantha, Hanna and Levi come to gawk and murmur appreciatively about the scene.

Samantha ribs Levi. “He’s going to want babies,” she whispers.

Hanna tells Samantha she better not start anything tonight at dinner. “Leave the poor man alone.”

Levi lingers to wake Erwin. Dinner’s just about done. Erwin looks like a sleeping lion surrounded by princesses. A lax protector.

He attempts to join them on the mattress and ends up waking Lulu, who blinks a sleepy eye at him, crankiness imminent. Levi shushes her as skillfully as he can and snuggles close, reaching over her to draw his fingers down the bold line of Erwin’s nose. Time seems to stand still, lethargic and warm.

“Wake up, sleepy Daddy,” Levi teases, finger going up to brush over Erwin’s eyebrows and neaten stray hairs. Erwin wrinkles his nose and grumbles. Levi laughs and pokes his cheek a few times, but Erwin seems resilient to his tender efforts, so Levi gives up and hugs Lulu and kisses the part of her hair. “You really wore him out, huh, bean?”

“We played monster,” she slurs, as if that reveals everything.

“Was he the monster?” Levi whispers, tone laced with indulgence.

Lulu nods her head. “We beat him up.”

Erwin’s lips twitch up just a tick. Levi squints at him suspiciously.

“Did you kill him?”

“Nope.” She rolls onto her back and looks deeply pensive. She tries to put words to her fluttering, bubbling imagination. “We turned him into a person.”

“Was he under an evil spell?” Levi props himself up on an elbow. Erwin is carefully still.

“Yes,” Lulu agrees. “But he’s dead.”

“I thought you didn’t kill him?” Levi frowns.

“We didn’t,” she whines. “He’s dead though because he ran out of monster power.”

Levi hums thoughtfully. “That’s pretty rough. He’s not gonna get any dinner if he’s dead. Or dessert,” Levi stresses. Lulu looks disturbed on Erwin’s behalf. “I know, terrible, right? After Ma made pumpkin pie and whipped cream.”

“No,” Lulu whispers. She sits up out of Levi’s arms and starts to shake Erwin, waking her sisters. “Get up get up.”

Erwin’s lips thin and he holds still. Lulu catches her sisters up on the problem at hand and pretty soon all three of them are attempting to yank Erwin from his post-monster death. Levi tsks at them.

“That’s not gonna work,” Levi says in an all-knowing tone. “People are very shy when they come back from the dead. It’s quite the process.”

Erwin hugs his smile between his teeth so he doesn’t burst apart with it. Levi convinces his cousins to close their eyes very very tightly, no peeking or he’ll never get up. “Repeat after me: Rise and shine, all is fine.”

“Rise and shine, all is fine,” three voices intone, six eyes firmly shut.

“Now count to five.”

"1, 2, 3!"

Levi’s lips press against his. Erwin sighs out into his mouth before Levi takes his kiss away.

“4, 5!”

Erwin shoots upright and gathers the girls to him with a poorly-faked yawn.

Maybe Erwin should have spent the past three hours getting to know the adults in Levi’s family, but there’s something to say for being the favorite of children.

~~

Levi had said that dinner would be a time to talk and he wasn’t wrong. While no one in the family particularly cared about Thanksgiving, they did enjoy a good meal and time to catch up. Erwin makes up for the afternoon by charming his way through dinner. It’s pleasant and surprisingly normal. He feels like a bit of an asshole for expecting, well, worse from Levi’s family. Elisha and Samantha are happily married but honest in its taxes. Hanna fights emptynest and widowhood by teaching piano and helping with afterschool programs through her temple. But then, these weren’t the people Levi grew up with, so Erwin shouldn’t look to them for the root of Levi’s thorns.

“Laila, may I have the pepper?” Erwin asks at one point.

Levi stares at Erwin as he peppers his squash.

“You knew that was Laila?” he mumbles to Erwin.

Erwin pauses. “Yes? Did you…not?”

Levi makes a face. “Why do you think I call them ‘beans?’”

Good lord.

Elisha laughs around his turkey. “That’s embarrassing, Levi.”

Levi scoffs. “Says you. What possessed you to name them all the same name practically? They’re gonna have an identity crisis.”

“If they do it’s because you can’t tell them apart.”

Levi and Elisha end up gracelessly gesturing with their forks at each other and bickering uselessly. Ah. Family. Erwin meets Hanna’s eyes across the table and smiles. Beneath the table, Erwin holds Levi’s hand. The motion of Levi’s thumb across his knuckles becomes an event of great and natural proportions. Levi’s stroking his thumb over the humps of bone in Erwin’s hand, tongue of his nail occasionally licking into the wells between his fingers. It stays steady, even with the licking. Like breathing before you fall asleep, like Erwin’s drowsy heartbeat. That thumb making promises on the back of his hand.

~~

When Erwin pads down to the kitchen late that night, dying for a drink of water, he does not expect to find Hanna to be standing by the cracked open window, blowing smoke from her clove cigarette out into the night.

“Oh. Hello, Hanna,” he greets, rubbing a hand over his face. His confidence wavers as he gets a glass from her cabinet and fills it with tap water.

“Trouble sleeping, Erwin?”

“Levi’s hogging the blankets,” he confesses with an easy smile. They’re quiet as he drinks and she smokes, but it’s a quiet Erwin can’t let himself keep. “Thank you for having us. Today was very nice.”

“Of course. Levi’s family.” She says it like a fact. Erwin nods, grateful Levi has that. Erwin wants to give him more. “I’m glad he trusts us enough to introduce you,” she adds on.

Erwin refills his glass. “To be honest, I am too. That he trusts both of us to intersect.” God, he knows what that must have taken for Levi. Levi’s braver than him sometimes, it feels like.

“He’s a good boy,” Hanna agrees. “You’re taking good care of him.” Her voice edges between question and threat. They both know Erwin wouldn’t be here if that weren’t true. Neither of them ever want Levi to be shut out by someone he loves again.

Erwin has stalled long enough. He’s been coiling that knot of nerves tighter and tighter. It’s time to unwind. “I wanted to let you know that I plan to propose to him this Christmas.”

Hanna smokes. The news doesn't surprise her. It makes Erwin feel obvious. He hopes he'll at least be able to surprise Levi. “You’re not asking for permission.”

“No.” The only one who can give him permission for anything is Levi. Erwin rolls his shoulders and considers the night. “But I wanted you to know.”

“Gee,” Hanna laughs. “Thanks. If you’re looking for a blessing, you have it.” And Erwin is. “You seem like a really good man, Erwin. I’m happy Levi found you.”

 

Erwin accidentally wakes Levi as he climbs back into bed. Levi whines and smooshes to him, smacking his lips. “Where were you so long? Taking a shit?”

Erwin huffs a laugh. “Just getting water.”

“Did you bring me any?”

He didn’t. He brought a glass for himself. “In fact, I did.”

Levi drains the entire glass and hands it to Erwin before rolling over and pulling all the blankets over himself. Erwin stares at the glass and stares at Levi. He puts the glass on the nightstand and sits there, thinking. Levi’s it. Erwin’s going to have this water-drinking blanket-hog for the rest of his life –if Levi says yes, of course.

Erwin starts to laugh and throws himself atop Levi, who squawks indignantly and practically knees Erwin in the crotch from surprise. “Oh my god, what? Erwin. What?”

“I can’t tell you yet,” Erwin says, quieting down, holding Levi’s face in his hands. “But I will soon. Just wait.”

Levi sighs loudly. He folds his hands over Erwin’s that cup his cheeks – thumbs swiping across knuckles. “Okay, Erwin.” He pushes Erwin away only to draw him back, throwing the blankets over them both. “Now quit being weird and sleep.”

Erwin must kiss Levi a hundred times before he falls asleep.

~~

Levi ditches the game of tag going on between Sam, Elisha, Erwin and the girls. He trots inside to make tea. Hanna, who’d been enjoying a little quiet, warms up pie in the oven. Wordlessly, they meet each other halfway with everything. The dining room table lets them watch the game through the sliding glass door.

“He wants to marry you,” she tells Levi.

Levi sips his tea. “I know," he says, totally undisturbed.

Hanna chuffs. “If I’d been your grandfather, he would have asked for permission like a gentleman.”

Levi rolls his eyes. “I bet.”

Erwin has one of the girls on his shoulders, fuck if Levi knows which one. He doesn’t see why Elisha and Sam insist on dressing them the same. There are leaves sticking to him from an impromptu roll on the grass. He’s a smiling mess. He’s a good mess of a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for enjoying. I really wanted to look at age gaps and kinkplay holistically.
> 
> A very important couple in my life has a 25 year age gap and they're great.
> 
> You can find me at stillmadaboutpetra.tumblr.com


End file.
